teen beat: a broken heart

i've been working on a special memory lane for the upcoming birthday of one of my best friends. it's lead me to unearth some serious WTFs in the pack rat department. these include letters from as far back as 7th grade. did i say letters? i meant testaments to broken hearted babies. if this isn't teen beat worthy, i don't know what is. the following note is the emotional outpouring of my distraught best friend. i changed some names because the object of her desire isn't named something ubiquitous like brian or chris...and who knows. he might be out there somewhere, still.

Erin -
(WARNING!!!!! This is an emotional letter for me! So, handle with care!)
Help! I have never been so confused. I have been more confused but this time it's bad. I am so stressed out for the first thing. I am so worried about my report that's due Friday and I've only taken notes on a couple things. Second...Ben. Or guys in general. They are so confusing! Ben, oh I'll never get over him with Nicole liking him too! Great, that is just going to make things even harder. I'm sure he likes her. It's only obvious. But, I don't know why i'm worrying. My hearts broken but hey, who gives a care? God. But i don't know why it hurts so bad inside. Now, I'm crying, it's so unfair. I thought "Hey, I really like this guy" and I thought we had something going for awhile. But obviously theres not. Maybe its me, but I tried so hard to make him like me. I am shattered inside, Erin. I don't want to like anyone but him. I say i'm leeting go, but that's a lie. My heart is incomplete. I felt so special when we were together, but now it's a mirage. It looks like its there, but its really not. I wish it were the other way around for me and Ben. See, it's like you can't see it, but it's there. It seemed like he liked me but you couldn't really see it. I believe love is blind! I know everyone has problems but why does it seem like I have so many? I feel like crap, I look like crap, I treat people like crap, I am crap. I want to be pretty, I want to feel good aboyt myself but it its just not there. Another mirage! It's also a mirage for you and Ryan. I hope things work out. I've been so mad lately. I need a guy who treats me good and doesn't kiss and leave. I mean I can't make Ben like me and I respect that. He's entitled to his own choice and he may decide that he never liked me or he may not, but that's his decision. I've been waiting for a long time and I am willing. I like him and wish thingscould be how they were at Christmas vacation. But people change and I guess that's what happened with Ben. It just faded away like your poem said. (I WROTE A POEM?!) Guys lag sometimes and boy do they hurt you emotionally. One little thing could shatter my heart. Like Ben. I totally opened my heart up and it feels like nothing can stitch up my wound. I feel emotionally scarred and I just wish I could tell Ben how wonderful he made me feel and how I wished we could have been happy 2-gether but he has a rep to keep up, of not to be a softie and can't handle a girl's heart. Well I gotta cry to sleep now. Pray for me. Man, I hope things brighten up 4 U & Ryan.
Love always & Forever.