Tuesday, October 31, 2006

best costume on the planet

sometimes i receive a bundle of joy in the form of an email. today, a coworker blessed my eyes with a photo of her nephew, who is a huge FAN of ceiling fans. there aren't many things i like more on earth than cute kids in creative costumes that they invented all on their own.

while you're recovering from cute overload, go and look at his mommy's blog. she's a great photographer.

newsy newsworthiness

A truck in western Germany accelerated too quickly out of a stoplight causing the back door to fly open and unleash two tons of severed pig heads onto the road. Good times you crazy German drivers. (via Salon)

teen beat: halloweeny

last week i re-watched y tu mama tambien starring diego luna and gael garcia bernal and was reminded of the fact that these two are loin throbbers to the maxxx. they're both totally steamy windows, but are kind of uncomfortable looking at the same time. since it's a holiday, i have decided to come up with a halloween idea for both of them, in case they wanted to participate. i believe these costumes would compliment them perfectly. what do you think?

first, gael garcia bernal:

should dress as:

diego luna:

as little foot from land before time:

actually, i guess they're interchangeable. they both look equally like gelflings and baby dinosaurs. slutty baby dinosaurs.

happy halloween rock n' rollerz

turbonegro - sell your body to the night

Picture of Happiness

I like to have an easily accessible jpeg on my computer at all times that makes me smile. An image that can cheer me up when I’m in a bad mood. One that will always make me laugh, no matter how shitty my day is. For many months, it was the Cat General (for those of you don’t know what this is, you’re missing out).

But now, Cat General has been replaced. I’d like to present to you, my new Picture of Happiness. Feel free to download and use as your own. I captured this great shot on Sunday at the Brooklyn Dog Costume Parade. I call it Pugly Orphan Annie. You gotta fuckin' love Halloween.

Monday, October 30, 2006

Get off of my blog and into my bed

The Unibloggal Heavy Petting Makeout Mix Guarantee:

Need help in the sack? This make-out mix is 100% guaranteed to bring you luck with the ladies, or the dudes, or whatever other creature in whose pants you'd like to get. If this mix proves unsuccessful (and you took other precautions such as showering and not saying anything stupid) you may send the unused portion back. Unibloggal will refund your money and as an added bonus, the Uniblogger of your choice will sleep with you.*

*Please take geographical and marital situations into account when deciding on your Uniblogger of choice. Unless you're willing to pay for airfare, or divorce lawyers.

Alas, the ladies of Unibloggal have combined forces to bring you Heavy Petting.
Download the album here!

in the morning - junior boys (e)
the way you look tonight - baby dayliner (a)
autumn sweater - yo la tengo (s)
saturday - hayden (l)
the engine driver - the decemberists (e)
brothers on a hotel bed - death cab for cutie (a)
post-war - m. ward (s)
roscoe - midlake (l)
knife - grizzly bear (e)
mad world - gary jules (a)
creeping coastline of lights - mark lanegan (s)
walk real slow - lady & bird (l)
lay lady lay - melanie (e)
sunset city - magnetic fields (a)
black swan - thom yorke (s)
at her open door - dead meadow (l)
these things take time - the smiths (e)
passing afternoon - iron & wine (a)
quien? - juana molina (s)
love has found me - centro-matic (l)

my united states of sifl and olly

apparently i was the only one alive in 1997-1999 who watched mtv late at night (stoned) and fell in love with two hilarious sock puppets named sifl and olly. since i dressed up as them for halloween this year and NOT A PERSON knew who they were i feel the need to educate.

1. sifl and olly are the best but you may need to watch a couple episodes to fully appreciate their humor. you’ll either love it or hate it, but if you hate it you’re dead to me so you may as well just end it.

2. there were many action packed segments to a half hour sifl and olly show, including:

• Precious Roy's Home Shopping Network
• Calls from the Public
• Rock Facts
• Interview Time - Guests interviewed included Death, an atom, and G-spot & Orgasm.
• Sifl & Olly News
• A Word with Chester
• And Now... ROCK
• It's Almost the End of the Show
• Kickin' it Old School

3. chester was hands-down the best supporting character. cute, loveable and mildly retarded, i just want to give him a big squeeze for ever and ever.

4. the show was created by liam lynch (along with matt crocco), who, among being the personification of every boy crush i’ve had since I was fifteen—skinny, pale, tattooed, dark hair, glasses, rocker—has directed music videos for queens of the stone age, eagles of death metal, tenacious d, had some radio success a few years back with his song "my united states of whatever," and directed sarah's silvermans comedy documentary “jesus is magic.” he makes me smile and feel all funny inside.

5. the dvd is currently being produced and should be out sometime next year.

dudes with haircuts

i am pretty much a thirteen year old girl with a desk job and an adult apartment. i have teenage sisters and relate to them almost better than i do some people my own age. i often volunteer to take them to "concerts" under the guise of being a rad older sister even though i'm old enough to be their mother. it's fun because i get to relive my youth, go to see embarrassing bands play and spend time with those cute little nuggets. lately, i've been noticing that some of these bands, all of which i've seen live either with friends or with these kiddies, have undergone some serious hair transformations upon the release of their second famousy record. i think i've invented a new theory called "second record serious style switchy because we're really famous now." i'm open to suggestions on a better name, though.


when i was 20, i loved AFI. i was really angsty, lived with my parents for awhile, went to shows almost every day and loved little davey havok's kinda gothy looking straight edgeness. he was so cute and a little eddie munsterish, but i really thought he'd be my boyfriend some day. before i knew it his muscles were huge, he was covered in tattoos and he was wearing white vinyl all over the place. it was scary and they were famous. i was sad but also intrigued. recently they put out a new record and davey was back with a cousin of his old haircut. the bro storm has ceased, but my boyfriend is a girl...and kind of a hot one.

i don't like this band and i never have, so don't get mad at me. i did, however, go see them in concert with my lil sisters. when we saw them sometime last year, they looked like this:

they are like ready to edward scissors hands the shit out of you right here, ya know? and see the guy on the right, he's like "maybe i'm a junky. maybe i'm not." and mister "i'll take mine with a side of bandana" over on the left is totally too smart for his own good. i won't even get into the fineries of the other two jersey douche-a-thons or the fact that singer man in the middle is such a fat kid in a normal sized man's body. it's so weird. anyway, now they look like this:

wow! look how grown up they are now. and so serious, i'd almost think this was dishwalla or some other mid nineties dad band. look, they're even wearing dad leather jackets. that's cute. maybe they're going after me this time and less for my lil baby sisters who wear black on the outside because black is how they feel on the inside. (sorry for the obligatory morrissey lyrics.)


look at this jovial bunch of blazer wearing eyeliner fans. so very groomed and befit for national television. just like their music, so sparkely and polished. i saw this band in 2004 on accident at coachella, which i think was something like their very first show outside of either new york city or their home town of las vegas, which is kind of crazy because coachella ain't no little guy in the realm of first shows in the second largest state in the "lower 48," as we alaskans call them. anyway, album number two, a new found love of the boss and some wicked facial hair and we have:

first of all, when did jim morrison and chevy chase join the band? secondly, why is that guy wearing a colonel sanders tie and stache combo? lastly, i totally fugging love their new single. i'm not sure they really had to go getting this old timey for our sake, but it does make me wonder one thing...

if bands have managed to become glenn danzig, candle box and now bruce springsteen, do you think that my wildest dreams will come true and the next person it will be hip emulate will be john cougar mellencamp? i just really love the coug and i want to see a cute twenty something try to pull off his look but with eye makeup this time.

Friday, October 27, 2006

make out with people in masks

though most of the seven of you who read this are probably either already going or live in new york, i wanted to remind you that you should come to madrone on saturday night. i think dj ray liotta will be dressed like bill paxton and the bomarr monk will be in a slutty baby costume that he borrowed from audrey. i wish i could let that slutty baby joke go, but i just can't.

anyway, please come dance with us. the three blonde unibloggers will be there and one of us will be dressed like a married woman. it will be very mature. unlike myself. i can't get stupid blogger to post the flyer, so you'll have to click here to look at it.

see you then!

But like, a slutty ghost

Hooray, it’s Halloween weekend… one of my favorite holidays since I was seven-years-old and went trick-or-treating dressed as a breakdancer (it was the year Breakin’ came out, cut me some slack).

I haven’t quite decided what I’m going to be this year yet, I have a few more hours to figure it out and throw a costume together. I’ll probably just end up donning different pieces of previous years’ costumes for one of my famous combo-costumes.

“What am I? Duh, I’m a Hooters-pirate-angel-tiger-cop. What are YOU?”

For those of you ladies that are in the same predicament as me, here is a list of Halloween costumes that are appropriate for us to wear (assuming you wanna get laid on Halloween, and who doesn’t?):

Sexy Nurse
Slutty Cop
Hot Devil
Pirate Stripper
Clown Whore
Rated-X Mime
Sexy Congresswoman
Slutty Pack of M&Ms
Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man Whore

Good luck treatin' or trickin' - preferrably both!

clearing the air: friday style

so, we're all adults here (i hope) and so i just want to verify for you all that there are a few things that i'm sure we've all done once or twice in our lives. no need for anyone to feel uncomfy or self depricating like, "oh crap, i can't believe i did that!" because we've all been there. just give yourself a hug and try not to "hate fuck" the homeless person on the bus, because that's not exactly what i am getting at here. no need to get all extreme (literally doing the dew, if you will).

the most basic of the list is also the easiest trap to fall into. ex sex is something that is almost entirely unavoidable, unless you move to another city (something i've both done and also highly recommend). this also might fall into the i have nothing better to do sex category (see below), but in that instance, it should really only be relied upon within the first couple of months of breaking up, assuming neither of you has moved onto something else, something exclusive. the problem comes when one of you is with someone else and goes sniffing around in old territory, which usually leads to i'm thinking about someone else sex (again, see below). this is highly unacceptable and will make your ex who is not involved with another turn into a total beast. also, you're engaging in something i call eating too much cake sex. i mean, if you can get it regularly from someone you're calling a boy/girlfriend and you go to your ex, you're just being greedy. so stop hogging all of the cake and making your exes into shitty piles of relationship refuse.

that brings me to i have nothing better to do sex, as i mentioned earlier, this is fairly common among exes who suck at being together but haven't yet found a way to get it on beyond the confines of a comfy and familiar bed. when that's not the case, it usually happens with a moderately close friend who you would never consider dating. sometimes they'd like to date you and they're just there having please love me sex, which can be highly uncomfortable afterwards.

please love me sex is something along the lines of "if i show you the time of your life, maybe you'll make me your girl/boyfriend." this almost never works out. usually the person wanting the relationship will either cry or hug too tightly or do something that makes the other person want to....hate fuck you.

we all know what hate fucking is. i mean, it requires fairly little explanation. i've actually never done this and i'm not sure why anyone would, outside of the aforementioned situation. i'm assuming that most people who didn't star as rocky dennis in the mask or who aren't made entirely of cooties could probably got to delerium, for example, and find someone to have we're drunk and you look moderately attractive sex with.

we're drunk and you look moderately attractive sex can happen with either a total stranger, as i mentioned, or with someone who you're friends with. i'm not positive, but i think that it might be more advisable to go with a stranger on this one. less mess. i mean, if you were really attracted to your friend with whom you had drunken and likely terrible sex, you would already be dating them, plus you're going to have to talk to them the next day. that would be uncomfy. you want to have the kind of weekend brunch recaps with your friends that include things like "i don't really remember his name, but i thought he was cute last night." not, "i don't really think you're cute in the light of sobriety, but at least we didn't sleep alone, dear pal." know what i mean?

wait, back up, i forgot to talk about i'm thinking about someone else sex. this sucks for everyone involved. for one thing, if you're doing it with one person, but thinking about your ex, get the fuck over it already. actually, it doesn't matter who you're doing it with, if you're thinking about someone else, you should quit your job and join bright eyes. dork.

only two more to go. we're almost there. the train is almost pulling into the station, which leads me to i can't stop this train sex (thanks for the name, steph). i think this is probably only something that girls can relate to, so boys, if you ever want to be secure in the bedroom, i'd look away for a second. or actually, just skip to the next paragraph. anyway, sometimes it's easier to concede than to stop what you started. again, boys, look away. sometimes girls just want to have a nice tenth grade make out session without you trying to get all crazy with the sex. but usually things turn into pre-senior prom make out sessions and you boys just want us to give it up already. so we often give in because we don't want you to think that we have issues. you often think that if we say no we are either prude sex and man hating a-holes or that we have some kind of disease that we don't want to tell you about. see how hard it is to be a girl?

lastly, coworker sex. most people have done this. i guess it usually happens after happy hour or something like that. it's often really uncomfortable because you usually end up finding out TMI (too much information, in office lingo) about the person who sits catty corner to you in the cubical maze. like you end up going home with someone who for a year had led you to believe that he was totally cool and awesome, but come to find out that he has a coordinated duvet, pillow sham, curtain set that his mom got him from tj maxx and a large sculpture of the virgin mary by his bed. see work is a weird place, people are themselves, but only created for the work environment. they can pretty much be whomever they want to, only watered down. it's scary.

so the part where i fill you with my undending wisdom and knowledge comes here: we're all screwed up and bumping into eachother (sometimes with no pants), so the key is...just try to act normal and have fun when the lights are off because when the sun comes up, it's probably going to get weird no matter who you are or who you're doing it with.

is ellen pompeo the third olson?

i'm not even sure if i should post this, b/c already having some issues with ellen pompeo as the leading role in my fave tv show, this punk'd episode really just gives me several more reasons to dislike dr. grey besides the fact that she desperately needs to put herself on a feeding tube. i think meredith grey might wanna check into the psych ward with her mom. sorry guys... i'm taking you all down with me on this one.

also... why did i not know about this until last night?
the doctors of seattle grace hospital are hella fuckin' ghetto.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

total loin rearrangement

in honor of sweet laurin's birthday, last night a bunch of us went out to see our collective fake boyfriend, mark lanegan, perform with the twilight singers.
sweet jesus, that man was born to sing. i mean seriously, all he has to do is open his mouth and every girl in the place is ready to rip their pants off. even though he could barely open his eyes and gripped the mic as if it was the only thing keeping him from falling off the edge of the earth, the show was a total swoonfest.
also... greg dulli and the rest of the twilight singers kicked major ass and for the first time in a long time i'm certain that the average age of the crowd wasn't 18.

best part of the night = mark lanegan singing "i'll take care of you"
funniest part of the night = when a dude that kind of looked like this offered laurin shrooms

party favor:
i'll take care of you

a hump day WTF? part deux

i was getting ready to come over here to uniB to post this highly uncomfy picture of ruben studdard, who thank christ, got skinny. just kidding. he looks the same. right? or maybe kinda like steven tyler in the skin texture region? no?

but before i had a chance, i hear a click in my head phones that were in my ear holes. laurin had IMed me a link to this image of tommy lee making out with lukas rossi (my boyfriend), the new singer of their new fake band, rockstar supernova. anyway, the first thing i thought is, "is that ruben studdard behind them?"

then i came here to post the photo and saw laurin's previous post. upon seeing it, i realized that i'm a bigger douche than the folks at KABC channel 7.

a hump day WTF?

apparently to KABC channel 7 news in los angeles, all black people look alike.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

alex p. keaton was a republican

i am full of stuff to talk about today, i suppose. this is a major holy effing crap to make your ears emit steam and other toxic fumes.

(CBS/AP) His body visibly wracked by tremors, actor Michael J. Fox appears in a political ad that was the subject of widespread discussion on Monday after conservative radio commentator Rush Limbaugh claimed Fox was "either off his medication or acting." A victim of Parkinson's disease, Fox speaks out in the ad for Missouri Democratic Senate candidate Claire McCaskill, who supports embryonic stem cell research. "I think this is exploitative in a way that's unbecoming of either Claire McCaskill or Michael J. Fox," Limbaugh said on his syndicated show. read more here.

as my dear friend tina just pointed out, republicans are insane. today, rush limbaugh to claimed that michael j. fox (my second grade boyfriend) was acting worse off than he actually is while speaking in favor of stem cell research AND last year they aligned max cleland with osama bin laden because he opposed the war. don't they know that alex p. keaton was on their side at one point, before they started alienating him with their holy war?

how is it "exploitative" and/or "unbecoming" to speak out in favor of something you support or DO NOT support? ESPECIALLY if you have a disease that could be eliminated entirely if only people weren't such raging douche wads like rush limbaugh himself. i'm assuming that if i was suffering from parkinson's disease (or if i was a triple amputee and veteran like cleland), i would probably be in favor of curing that and other diseases (and i would likely be in opposition of war in general.) if a diseased person were opposed the curing of diseases and if an amputee veteran whole heartedly supported war, i would call that person the biggest masochist on the planet earth. WHAT THE EFF?!?! how does that shit storm still have a job?

howie and college radio

if you're interested in having some free time with sirius and my main man, howie stern, here's a link to a free trial. and then go out and buy one for everyone you know so the stock i own along with the golddiggers goes through the roof.

i just signed up for my free trial (because yeah, i don't own one either) and i decided that since the free howie station trial doesn't start until tomorrow that i would listen to "left of center, the best in college, indie and alternative and underground rock." how could you go wrong!? guess what happened next. give up? they instantly played rhinoceros by smashing pumpkins. one of my favorite songs on the planet.

i fucking love being so totally alternative. don't you?

robbie williams hijacked my honeymoon

i've taken a bit of a hiatus from unibloggal the past couple of weeks as many of you know. i had to go and get married and shit but now i'm back in full effect. after two weeks of honeymoon madness i'm happy to be home and to be bloggin.' no life=laurin.

one thing i noticed on my trip to argentina and uruguay (and have pretty much noticed on all of my overseas travels, no matter where is was: europe, africa, central america) is that non americans fucking love robbie williams. they played his videos on repeat all day long, he was on every fucking billboard in argentina, in every ad campaign, was staying at a hotel where i was having drinking one night with my hubby and all we could hear were fans screaming his name. i mean you couldn't get away from the man if you tried.

this is not breaking news but WTF is up with that shit. he's 80 years old now and in the video above is pathetically trying to reinvent himself as a british rapper to captalize, i'm assuming...because its as obvious as a punch in the face...on the british hip-hop renaissance with artists like the streets, dizzee rascal, lady sovereign...etc.

as an artist, i think he's on par with poo. but i do like the fact that he's a raging asshole and doesn't apologize for it. that i can get on board with. my advice, stick to your ego and witty banter. much more interesting.

p.s. its good to be back


There is one gal that we are adorin'
Here in this country, or in lands foreign
When she's getting married or when she's whorin'
Happy birthday to our pal, Laurin.

Your pals at unibloggal

Monday, October 23, 2006

two neat things, one little weekend

happy monday, dudes. i hate today. my bed is very far away from the desk chair i'm currently sitting in and that makes me sad. however, this past weekend i got to see two things that i would put in the category of "neat things to do on a weekend. "

on friday night i went to the grand theater in san francisco to see the secret machines play "in the round." i have loved this band for quite some time and always miss them when they come to town. they had a small round stage set up in the middle of the theater (see above. i am a dummy and don't know how to format this crap, i admit.), which was AMAZING. usually i hate long song bands, but this one is perfect. and being about 19 feet from them is even better. if you've never listened to them, go ahead and ignore their new album, ten silver drops and head straight for now here is no where.

last night i went to see the "what is it?," the first movie made by crispin glover. it's a level ten on the wtf? scale, but definitely interesting and worthy of an hour of your time. he stuck around to get assaulted with combative questions from a bunch of san francisco people. you know the kind i'm talking about? like you stuck around for the q&a just to hear them talk. anyway, he was a genuinely nice man in a totally perfect suit. stay away if you're put off by the possibility of seeing a man get a hand job from a naked woman in a monkey mask while he lays fetally in a satin lined oyster shell.

now that i sound semi-culturey and highly unsmart, i would just like to recommend that you catch both of these events if you get the chance anytime in the future, so you can have a nice weekend too.

Friday, October 20, 2006


nerd alert disguised as a dating tip

ok, bros. raise your hands. admit it. which of you nerds is on second life. better yet, have any of you even heard of this post apocolyptic internet nightmare? jesus. does life ever get so bad on earth that you want to look like this:

so my advice today is, if you ever feel so lonely that you want to remake yourself in cyber space only dressed in american apparel (you can buy slutty slightly irregular tshirts, i mean pixels, in vibrant colors using REAL american money) and with that luscious rack that you've always dreamed of having, if you're ever that desparate, call me up and we'll do a clueless (the movie) style makeover on your ass. cher horowitz to tai no last name style. you hear me? and is that jake ryan in the backgroud?

if you'd like to read more.

but seriously. are any of you people on this?

Thursday, October 19, 2006

tgi almost effing f

it's after five on lil friday. sometimes when the long work week (weak!) starts to wear on you, you begin to say weird things. stuff gets fuzzy. dumb stuff gets kinda funny. or maybe you totally disagree, but i'm a uniblogger and you're not, so shut up.

here's an example of one such conversation:

stephanie: sometimes my job involves lots of tiny calculations that make my head begin to spin like a lunatic
me: i bet!
stephanie: i hate math
me: everybody does. i'm going to name my kid math so he has bad self esteem because NO BODY likes math. and then you can have a kid named no body. they will be friends because since only no body likes math, it will be a perfect union.
stephanie: yayayyyyyy!! they can complain about their drunk moms and we can make them go buy us more franzia
me: no body stillman and mathematics brown, best friends forever.
stephanie: "hey math, mommy's all wobbly again."
me: then they will name thier children boone's farm and whiskey ginger ale because they won't know any better.

wait... whuh??

well after my brain just exploded from this video i decided to see what in the fucking fuck it was all about.
check it:

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Chosen Pussy has a new single!

In their latest hit, the girls of Chosen Pussy have open up their music, their hearts and their legs to the other 99% of the male population. Moving beyond the Orthodox, beyond the reformed, beyond the chosen folks entirely and on to the goyim, the gentile gentlemen their Jewish grandmothers warned them about.

This new song, quickly climbing the charts, breaks down the barriers of race and religion. With its catchy beat by guest engineer, Bomarr Monk, Boy am I hot for those Goyim celebrates one love – the joy of coming together as one people. It’s also pretty dirty. That’s what keeps the fans coming back after all, not that one love bullshit.

Hear it now!

happy stupid birthday to us

p.s. today unibloggal is four months and four days old.

a marathon reading list

i'm in the middle of john irving's newest novel until i find you, which clocks in at about 820 huge pages (as in, it's printed on big paper). it got me thinking, a long novel can either suck because if it's no good, there's no way you're stopping half way through. and if it's good, you'll be sucked in for quite some time.

so, here is my list of very excellent and relatively (VERY) long books.

the fountainhead by ayn rand. one of my favorite books of all time. this bitch (so mean) can write a book. i mean, she only wrote a few, but she didn't mess around. some prefer atlas shurgged to the fountainhead, but not me. about architecture, staying true to your creative innards and generally not giving a fudge about whether or not you're accepted. it's actually about things far more "intellectual" than that, but whatevs.

the corrections by johnathan franzen. i actually forgot to put this on my list of depressing books awhile back. it belongs in both categories. i don't feel like this book was THAT long because it was so engaging. i actually cried while reading it. on the bus. i'm such a dork. have you read it? you should.

porno by irvine welsh. i actually lost this book before i could finish it but it was not only long but also pretty great and at first, almost impossible to understand. i really want to buy it again so i can finish it, but there are too many other books on my "i need to read this" list and some of them are long, so it will probably be awhile.

one hundred years of solitude by gabriel garcia marquez. i'm fairly certain that every word he ever wrote is worthy of the hours or minutes it would take to read it. when i read this book it made me feel highly insignificant which at times is a reassuring feeling.

glamorama by bret easton ellis. i've already discussed my love for his books. this one is by far his longest and most "novelish." it's also crazy. i don't actually recommend that you read it unless you're cool with not having any clue what's going on for the 2 weeks it will take for you to read it.

oh, and until i find you...not the best book of his i've ever read, but definitely his longest.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006


hi guys. i just wanted to quickly apologize for the mass snooze fest taking place on unibloggal lately. one of us went and got married and is currently drinking fruity beverages out of her new hubby's banana hammock and the others of us are still either hungover from her wedding or actually got incarcerated during a stint at the ny county jail. or something.

here goes...

this is crime in choir, an excellent band from san francisco who will be celebrating the release of their new record, trumpery metier, this thursday at 12 galaxies. tussle and upsilon acrux are playing and the record is officially out on GSL on october 31st.

you should all plan on attending, as it will be fun, you can stare at boys and practice NOT being a nerd on thursday aka lil friday. if you have any questions for the band, please let me know, as fairly soon (when we all grow some brains) we will be launching the "weird questions asked of our friends who play in bands" section. we think.

ok, bye.

Friday, October 13, 2006

dream girlz

i want to date these girls.

watch the videos.

Bacon Dayliner

last night was the baby dayliner/national show and if you didn't attend you missed THE FUCK OUT. that's right. baby dayliner, with his smooth vocal stylings and killer dance moves, was downright fan frickin tastic. i've still got a big dumb grin on my face just thinking about him gliding across the stage, one jazz hand in the air, the other gripping his blue hanky(yucky word) just so. in honor of the reaffirmation of my love for baby d check out this newish video for "the morning sun" filmed in his backyard in brooklyn.

also, today is friday the 13th. i wonder if baby dayliner and a young kevin bacon switched lives for a day, like in that movie freaky friday that i loved so much as youngin, anyone would notice.

(totally random nerd fact: kevin bacon's dad, ed bacon, was a very well known and respected architect and urban planner that molded the shape of much of what philadelphia is today.)

slightly laughable

and also about a billion yrs old, but whatevs.

Thursday, October 12, 2006


in honor of the upcoming holiday and my undying love for pups with beards you will all now be subjected to my new fave video.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

point of clarification

Audrey: hey erin
me: yo yo
Audrey: question
me: whuddup
Audrey: I don't get your post yesterday... what did you think the article said?
me: boner...weaker boners. women with weak boners SUCK
Audrey: ooooooh. yeah, I've noticed my boner being a little weak I should really cut down on the cola
me: totally. drink more sparks. that way your boner will be strong, awake and orange.
Audrey: sweet
me: this conversation might clarify things for many people.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

mistaken identity

i almost misread this:

CNN.com Recently Published/Updated - Cola consumption linked to weaker bones in women

you can imagine what a difference a letter makes.

were you a teen beater?

it's tuesday and i'm not feeling too inspired after the wine fest wedding weekend. therefore i'm counting on you to help me pick the most tean beaterific of the males among you. i'm sure that this request might be ignored, but i'm hoping to be supplied with many gems, namely, photos of your young selves as teens. please email these to unibloggal@gmail.com in order to be counted. winners will be announced on friday (i think), at which time i will encourage everyone to date you. and to inspire you, here i am, age seventeen:

Monday, October 09, 2006

wanna new drug?

apparently i'm taking a small hiatus from being a boy crazy dork machine and have parlayed my angst into a new found love of the theater and other cultural productions. that said, i'd like to invite you all to go see huey lewis (no news) in chicago (this could get confusing) here in san francisco. the play is chicago, the man is huey, the theater is in san francisco.

and i'm still drunk from saturday.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Everybody say "Embarrassing!"

Follow up to Monday's post:

Next week I am coming along to the Hepatitis client meeting. Never before have I been requested to attend a client meeting. Why am I going this time, you ask...

To perform my raps. Yes, I will be standing in front of a large room of clients busting out lyrics like:

I wanna hear you cheer. You’ve got to give a hand.

Let’s get some applause for the body’s largest gland.

I know you miss your friends, your families and your cribs

But you’ve got a great pal that’s working right under your ribs.

Always helping out your blood. A generous giver.

Let’s all take some time to appreciate your liver.

Why do I get myself into these situations. Why must I be cursed with the ability to lay down the rhyme in record time? Me and my big gansta mouth. I wouldn't last two weeks in prison.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

This Thursday: Creativity Explored + Synthface!

Some great stuff going on in San Francisco tomorrow night!

First, from 7-9pm, there is an art opening at Creativity Explored, "a nonprofit visual arts center where artists with developmental disabilities create, exhibit, and sell art."
The show is called The Beat Goes On. "Visual artists illustrate their appreciation for another art form in works that pay tribute to music. With a grooving selection of artwork that includes portraits of jazz legends, orchestra scenes, musical instrument sculpture, and reinterpreted album covers, this show is sure to rock." There is some truly amazing art coming out of Creativity Explored. Definitely check it out at some point, if not tomorrow evening.

Later on in the evening, my good pal's band, Synthface, will be having their first show at the Underground in the Lower Haight. The show starts around 11:30 and it's free!

See ya'll tomorrow!

Creativity Explored:
3245 16th Street

The Underground:
424 Haight Street

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

teen beat: the mom edition

i am a netflix addict. i've gotten sick of mistakenly ordering movies that are supposed to make me cry, but never do. i am sick of movies with hot young teens that are in no way as good as the hot young teen movies made during my hot young teen days, so i netflix tv shows instead.

it just so happens that i'm now watching season two of grey's anatomy AND my favorite movie from these years of awesome teen movie magic is"can't buy me love," both starring every mom's favorite hunky doctor du jour: patrick dempsey. here he is in his scrubs, an outfit that most men should NEVER wear, as the sweat pant/package nuzzling effect is bound to take over. i wonder if doctors wear scrubs to strip clubs. anyway, i got side tracked...mcdreamy:

and this is ronald miller riding cindi mancini on the back of his lawn mower. he went from totally geek to totally chic and then back again. jesus, he was (and still is) cute. holy eff. have you seen this movie? if not, no need to netflix it, i have it on dvd. viewing party at my place tomorrow following the third episode of the third season of grey's anatomy.

i'm a nerd. and this post sucked. sorry!
(p.s. i lied about the viewing party, i'm headed out of town again tomorrow.)


nothing to do with teen beatery

it's tuesday. and since tuesday doesn't begin with an "s" like saturday and sunday, it means that i rode the bus to work today. i was running late as usual and was forced to stand among the new students at some random art academy, the crazy lady that yells, "SEVENTH AND MARKET, DRIVER" in between singing the chorus of raspberry beret over and over, a whiney mom whose kid won't stop stepping on my feet and some other office dorks like me. today i looked up and saw a lovely ad for something called epiphany dance.

you see, in a few weeks, epiphany dance will be having a trolley dance! i hope to totally see you there. (p.s. this is not mash AT ALL! not a bit.)

Monday, October 02, 2006

Everybody say "Yo!" Everybody say "cirrhosis!"

I don’t usually blog about what I’m doing at work for fear of getting fired. However, this week I’m making an exception because the work I’m doing right now is too hilarious NOT to blog about. So, at the risk of losing my job, here’s a description of my assignment: create educational materials about Hepatitis C for inmates of a particular state prison. Seriously, does it get more random than that?

This is a surprisingly challenging assignment. Firstly, I’m no specialist on Hepatitis A, B and C (In fact I knew nothing about them until last week). Secondly, the prisoners are not allowed to be given anything that can be used as a weapon, like pens. Or paper. And thirdly, according to the brief, the emotional maturity and reading level of prisoners at this particular facility ranges from 3rd grade to PhD.

I spent all day brainstorming on Friday and came up with two ideas. The first concept I presented to the group was called “Stab the virus” in which we give all the prisoners knives and ask them to hurl them and the giant stuffed animal Hep C virus in the middle of the room. There was a long silence until I explained that that was a joke. More silence. Okay, moving on…

My next idea was to write a Hepatitis rap. Because if there’s one thing prisoners love, it’s hip hop. Right? Right? I have no idea. But I’m good at writing raps. They liked the idea, which meant that Friday afternoon, I had to perform the rap in front of four people I’d never met before. As I stood up and asked the man to my right to beatbox, I realized how incredibly ridiculous the rap was (I had written it that morning when I think I was still drunk from the previous night). Some verses included:

Here’s a little review, to start out the day
Let’s give a shout out to Hepatitis A
The Hep A virus is it’s own species
Where can you find it? You find it in feces!

If you shared a razor or shared a syringe
Or shared a straw on a cocaine binge
If you’ve been shootin’ up drugs, what’s the prognosis?
Could be Hepatitis C – liver cirrhosis

I think you’d be hard-pressed to find another rapper that uses the word “feces.” (Where as liver cirrhosis is in practically every other Eminem single).

The rap was a big hit. So much so that today I’m supposed to write four more. The first one is about the function of the liver. Can anyone think of anything that rhymes with Hemoglobbin? Shit.