Thursday, August 31, 2006

finally, erotica for our generation!

its about damn time someone developed hipster erotica. what took you so long? for years I have begrudgingly had to fantasize to the written erotic word thought up by mainstream americans who eat at applebees and shop at walmart. well look no further my cocaine-loving, sparks drinking, cobra-snake hating (but you really wouldn't be pissed if your photo ended up there) friends.

Here's a little taste:

"You take off your silk screen Bansky tee and leave it on the vintage arne jacobsen chair. You turn up brooklyn vegans sirius radio set-Cloud Cult is on. We sprawl out on the rug we bought at the Renegade Craft Fair a while back--it was my favorite part of our apartment until Urban Outfitters started making rugs exaclty like it 6 months later for their "urban" home furnishings section. The TV is on mute, but MythBusters is on the discovery channel-- flickering light into the apartment. It still smells like vegan BBQ in here from the food you made last night. I love your vegan non-dairy organic style cooking. You are like the Sufjan of the culinary world--but you never give yourself any credit. I walk over to the window to try and feel a breeze because the heat in the city is unbearable. You come up behind me and trace your finger up my leg--Disco Sheets by Wolf Parade comes on. You finger fuck me as people pass by on the street below. I turn around to kiss you. I take off your diesel jeans and you bend me over, my tits hitting the window screen--we fuck while Talking Heads "Heaven" starts to play on the radio. I close my eyes and wonder if anyone is watching us..."

Seriously, if you wack off to this shit, your dick should fall off. The end.

via gawker

fun rulez

in case you missed it (and if you're reading this, you probably did not), last saturday was just about the best time ever. because we find do/don't lists to be, for the most part, hilarious and awesome, we've recapped this evening of greatness in that very manner:

do: carbo load.

don't: kiss like either of these people.

do: dance with heartfelt emotion...and lots of ladies.

don't: stand so close to the rapper, bro.

do: yin and yang.

don't: play massive amounts of air piano.

do: take excellent care while handling your friend's pet

don't: put said pet down your pants

do: in the name of your special beanie lizard friend, kick the crap out of your human friend who put said special friend down his pants.

and for the biggest do of them all: keep the blondes full of vodka...we're parched.

lastly, big thanks to the djs for being both fun and evil at the same time.

Mc Whatthefuck

"Hedgehogs have finally humbled burger giant McDonald's after years of campaigning, forcing the company to redesign its killer McFlurry ice-cream containers."

This has got to be one of the most random bits of news I've read in ages. Click here to read the entire "Hedgehogs humble McDonalds" article.

Thanks for the info Jules.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

caffeine detox day one

today is my first day off caffeine. yikes! i'm not quite sure why i'm doing this. maybe its because i drink coffee like water, could drink a double latte at 2 am and then go to bed or because i have been drinking coffee everyday, multiple times a day, since i was 15. i love coffee, the ritual of that first cup in the morning or that delicious pick me up in the afternoon. it is my favorite vice. but, not being able to feel the effects of caffeine at all has me thinking maybe, just maybe, its time for a break. right now i'm drinking a decaf coffee in an vain attempt to trick my body into believing i'm getting my morning cup. i gotta ease myself into this bitches. this afternoon i'll be introduced to my new best tea. i'll keep you updated on my progress (because i'm sure you're on the edge of your seat to hear what happens next) but as a word of warning: if my posts become irratic, weird, or just plain nutso, you know why.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

betty ford, here we come!

what better way to spend your memorial day (EDIT: i was just made aware that it's actually labor day. put away your white clothes, everyone. yachting season is long gone) weekend than in various states of intoxication with the closest thirty members of your friend family. here's a tentative agenda of the weekend's plans. we're starting early, so sue us.

thursday, 8/31: beauty bar dance party followed by little baobob debauchery
friday, 9/1: afterwork zeitgeist drink-o-thon, followed by mission bar crawl
saturday, 9/2: oakland athletics vs. baltimore orioles. meet us in the bleachers for big beers and veggie dogs.
sunday, 9/3: trip to target (this is personal, no need to attend), drinks at stephanie's house of love followed by a rickshaw stop dance party
monday, 9/4: to be determined bbq and/or drinking in the park

please enquire with erin, your cruise director, if you have any questions.

hot dog!

ikea insists the dog featured in the first photo of their 2007 catalog--who appears to be the proud owner of an unusually large human penis--has not been altered in any way. this has been blowin' up on the blog-o-sphere but in the off chance my favorite unibloggers haven't received word, i had to pass this gem along.

teen beet tuesday: where's blake?

this week's post struck me in a 6:15 a.m. in-bed game of "why can't i sleep?" blake schwarzenbach is one of those guys who will keep you up at night. i never had an older brother, but if i did, he would have been best friends with blake. they would have "jammed" in our garage after school and i would have hung out chewing gum and trying to act cool, something i've yet to master.

jawbreaker is pretty much in a three way tie for first place in the "erin's favorite band ever" contest. if morrissey, johnny marr and billy corgan ceased to exist, they would win. blake managed to write the most "dear diary" cry me a river (not like j-tim) lyrics while also making you want to punch someone in the face. in the span of three records with jawbreaker (unfun is going to be ignored here), he went from screaming your ear holes off (bivouac) to making you want to lie and say you were born and raised in the east bay (24 hr revenge therapy) to making you want to get dumped continuously forever so you could justifiably listen to only one record for all eternity (dear you).

then jawbreaker broke up. for awhile i thought i was going to walk around like some obsessed idiot who cursed the beatles for breaking up 30 years after the fact. then he formed jets to brazil and made at least one record that pretty much made it ok for me to become an actual adult. it talked me into moving in with my boyfriend at the time, it let me buy a used station wagon with good gas mileage, but it also made it ok for me to keep dying my hair black and wearing hoodies every day. it let me walk that line and i wish someone would do that again with a record.

i wish someone would find me a new blake schwarzenbach record! where is he?

Friday, August 25, 2006


this week my dating tip will be a vertitable triple threat. if you follow my directions carefully, you will find yourself in the throws of a real dream world. what i suggest is this:

1. between now and quittin' time, find yourself either a member of the opposite or same sex, or better still, a group of mixed gendered friends. be sure to contact them tonight (friday) so they don't think you're picking them as your second choice for the steps that i've yet to spell out for you.
2. wake up saturday (tomorrow) morning and drink lots of water and perhaps eat a healthy source of protien. take a walk and be sure to clean the hard to reach places. perhaps stop by trader joe's for some beverages, but leave time to ice them as their beverages don't come prechilled.
3. get yourself and the aformentioned friend and/or posse to madrone on the corner of divisidero and fell streets in san francisco. why, you ask? it's time for THE WHITE COLLAR WORKOUT.

(a) there will be amazing music (provided by bomarr, dj ray liotta, among others) and also cans of sparks available at the bar. (b) you may have a chance to dance with one or both of two unibloggers (c) as mr. liotta happily pointed out, $5 includes free dancing.

got it? good.

LIVE Treadmill Action LIVE!!!

I admit it. OK Go is my cheeseball guilty pop pleasure. Clarification: The Ok Go treadmill video is my guilty pop pleasure. (Fine... I also love the other video where they're dancing in their backyard). Anyway, these dudes are scheduled to perform some treadmilly goodness live at next Thursday's MTV Video Music Awards. Dear god I hope they pull it off because the potential embarrassment factor for a treadmill mishap is horrifying. Plus I don't want that cute lead singer to scratch up his pretty face.
Watch lead singer, Damian Kulash, get interviewed on the Colbert Report here.

Thanks for the info Bomarr!

Thursday, August 24, 2006

third eye whatt??!!!@#$@#%

what follows is taken from a chat i just had with our great pal gary tj. please read and weigh in.

garytijuana: what are you doing later this evening?
garytijuana: i need to have a very serious talk with you, regarding how Third Eye Blind's debut album "third eye blind" is the greatest album ever
me: are you serious?
garytijuana: dead serious. to me, it's the best album of all time
me: are you drunk?
garytijuana: song for song, it stands up to anything you can compare it to
me: purple rain??
garytijuana: purple rain is up there. like #3
me: i'm not sure i can speak with u anymore
garytijuana: but its got a couple stinkers (computer blue). there's no stinkers on Third Eye Blind
me: are you telling me you think 3rd eye blind is better than prince?
garytijuana: i think that as an album there's nothing better than Third Eye Blind by Third Eye Blind
me: but prince takes risks you see
garytijuana: and YES I"M SERIOUS
me: when you're taking risks you might get few stinkers in there
which is ok.. b/c then you end up with some genius ass shit like darling nikki and it makes up for it all
garytijuana: 3eb took a risk, and it paid off
me: what was the risk?
garytijuana: they said "we're gonna try to make the best album of all time." that's a risk
me: hahaaaa
garytijuana: and guess what. they did it
me: shut it
garytijuana: i want to have a listening party wtih you sometime
me: fine.
garytijuana: blumby will be there
me: i wanna post this
garytijuana: and we'll all be drunk
me: i won't
but i think it's hilarious
garytijuana: and we'll sing all the words as you feel the power of the music
garytijuana: i've already printed you a lyric sheet
me: you're very thoughtful
garytijuana: go ahead and post it
this is not the first time i've said it
but i'm convinced, more than ever
i've stepped away, and still 10 yrs later the music is timeless
me: alright good buddy
the debate is on
garytijuana: excellent.
bring your best stuff

Hip hop in the hizzouse

A young black man sporting sagged, baggy jeans and a white doorag on his head (clarification - only the doorag was on his head, the baggy jeans were on his legs) stopped me on the street today. I get stopped a lot walking through midtown, usually by people asking for money, asking me to buy their "designer" bags, asking me out on a date.

But this guy was different. He was asking me to listen to his music. Now that, I can respect. He told me that his name is Voice (?) and that he's selling his hip hop CD for $5. I could have spent that $5 on a "designer" bag and listened to his music on myspace for free, but I appreciate the fact that Voice is taking the time to stand on the street and promote himself. So I bought a CD. Really, I wanted to see the look on his face when the white girl wearing a nice skirt and button-down shirt says, "I, too, rap in a hip hop group. And you gotta support the competition, right?"

He made me promise I'd send him my myspace page.

trashy tv time

quote of the day: "he's kind of a tard...but i'd hit it"

this dude from project runway kills me. who strictly has hand and neck tattoos?

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

message to san francisco/oakland: get your act together

We only rank #20 in America's Drunkest Cities according to WTF? We should at least be in the top ten. Let's get to work people. The first round is on me.

see that pretty girl in the mirror there

i'm not a big fan of commercials. its one of the main reasons i live and breathe by my DVR, but there is something to be said about a commericial that literally makes you stop fast-forwarding just to see what's going on.

there is something purely feminist about this ad that makes me love it (putting aside the whole nike we heart child sweat shop labor thing. its easy to do that when you're a psuedo-progressive like me.) one may feel the need to critique this ad and make the claim that is easy for nike to celebrate maria sharapova because although she actually has talent unlike other hot tennis starlets she is still gorgeous and hot, sexy women sell ads. nike is not so much making a feminist statement but rather capitalizing on a corporate "rebirth" of feminism that suits a marketers commericial needs. "girls kick ass, anyone?"

i'm not really sure where i fall on this debate, whether there even is a debate, if anyone cares or if i care for that matter. i just felt compelled to write about an ad that made me stop in my tracks. enjoy and happy hump day.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006


G-chat, Oh G-chat, how lovely you are.
You connect me with gmailers nearby and far.
When I'm at my desk, bored and sad
I can turn on my G-chat and things don't look so bad
G-chatting about bikini waxes, strippers and guys
G-chatting about lunch, burgers and fries
My fingers like the wind, I G-chat so fast
Before I know it, a whole day has passed.
Thanks to G-chat, no work gets done.
But who can stay angry at something so FUN?

World Famous

With our recent jump of activity, thanks to Laurin, her Naughty Nads and our mention in, Unibloggal has gone international!

Can I please get a shout out for our one fan off the coast of Nigeria?

teen beat toosdy

hi. my grandma says tuesday like this, "toosdy." anyway, i'm TIRED! all of that moshing with laurin on friday really took it out of me. also, happy happy actual birthday to miss (sorry, mrs.) cristy, this uniblogger's favorite mash theorist.

onto the dudes. have you ever seen the notebook? i saw it. i didn't cry, but i watched two of my friends nearly drown themselves in tears. my living room's really small, so it doesn't take much, but still. in this movie one can witness a fairy tale love fest between two people from opposite sides of the tracks, but they over come because their love is real and based in the 1940s when people didn't really have any other choice. then they die (oops). ryan gossling is the dude in the movie and over the years (before he becomes the old dude from the "beef, it's what's for dinner" commercials), he gets hotter and hotter and yes, hotter still. however, i went to look for some photos of him on the internets and in all of them he sort of looked like harry from harry and the hendersons. but then i found this one, in which he sort of looks like a chin-heavy paul banks from interpol, another teen beater who i am very fond of. (of whom i am very fond? whatevs.)

lesson of the day: go rent the notebook. if you're female, you'll probably end up purchasing it afterwards.

you may or may not have been wondering where my tippage was on friday. i was busy hydrating for a pre-reunion show drink-o-thon at zeitgeist, sorry.

Monday, August 21, 2006

public service announcement

"WATER...... It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli bacteria found in feces, in other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop!

BEER..... However, we do not run that risk when drinking beer because alcohol has to go through a distillation process of boiling, filtering and fermenting.

WATER = Poop


Free yourself of Poop, drink BEER. It is better to drink beer and talk shit than to drink water and be full of shit."

in other beer related news, make sure to see my favorite howard stern show regular, artie lange in beer league hitting theaters this fall.

tonight...i'll be your naughty girl

those crazy aussies are at it again. back in college my friend and i got the bright idea to purchase nads, the "natural" austrailian hair removal sensation developed by sue ismiel and named for her daughter natalie, poor girl. this shit sucks and needless to say my tub-o-nads sat mostly un-used in the dark recesses of my bathroom cabinet. now, thank the sweet lord, nads is back with a vengence and out to help women worldwide turn their neather regions into works of art. welcome naughty nads!

accordng to their website you could "surprise that someone special or simply indulge your wickedness by personalising your most intimate region. bikini designs are landing strips, bermuda triangle, heart and thunderstruck." bermuda triangle...thunderstruck...are you kidding me? i'm not anti-grooming per se, but i can't help but get creeped out by this new marketing ploy for nads. i'm thinking of crafting a giant middle finger out of my "private" hair, snapping a photo and mailing it directly to ms. ismiel herself.

Friday, August 18, 2006

rebirth of hardcore pride!

tonight marks a very special day for former (or current, but seriously if you're current have a fucking beer already) straight-edge kids everywhere--the gorilla biscuits reunion tour.

this was one seminal band in my high school music catalog. how i loved to sing along to every damn song on "start today" and felt so tough that i turned my nose up to bullshit like television, alcohol, beauty, racism and cute animals. man, those were good times.

for anyone who wants to relieve their youth and watch over the hill hardcore fans get dirty in the pit, get your ass to poundsf tonight for some good old fashion fun. if you can't make it to the show, or you want to re-live the hardcore days from the comfort of a dark movie theatre, then i suggest you AT LEAST go see this film when it opens in new york and l.a. on september 22nd.

if you hate everyone and the idea of sitting a theatre full of strangers freaks you out but you STILL want to get your hardcore fix then i suggest picking up one of the best synopsis of the hardcore movement i've read to date, "american hardcore: a tribal history."

see you in the pit, fools. not really, but it sounds good doesn't it?

Thursday, August 17, 2006

marry me?

my head just exploded.

art + $$ = awesome

this is an excellent opportunity for an excellent adventure. join the SFMoMA scavenger hunt on September 30th. Apply here.

Mustache rides anyone?

You know me, I'm all for the mustaches, and I'm all for the kids, but when it comes to kids bouncing up and down on a mustachioed face? That's just all kinds of wrong. Not to mention that it's $125. My future children will play with rocks and twine that they find in the street. And they will like it.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

rockstar superawesome

is it bad that i hate coldplay but i can't stop watching this?


I don't know what my 11-year-old self was busy doing in 1986 that I did not rush to the theatre to see this movie. My life was entirely void of this film until last Saturday when I caught a glimpse of it on TV at an 80's party. Suddenly, my life has new meaning. Uncle Jesse's girlfriend from Full House doing tricks on a BMX bike to "Send me an Angel"??? I'm sorry, it does NOT get any better than that.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Baby National

I woke up this morning to the most wonderful nugget of information waiting for me in my inbox. Baby Dayliner (the man who's children Audrey will eventually give birth to) will be opening for The National, one of my absolute most fave bands, at the Great American Music Hall on October 12th. Sweet Jesus, I'm so excited about this I'm still bouncin' off the walls. I was plenty thrilled to just see The National again. This might call for a unibloggal field trip.
Check out a couple of vids of their wonderful songs:

Beautiful Disaster

hi ladies. (men, please be excused). if you're ever in need of a cheese fest, female horomone fueled dork-o-thon...please sit back, relax and get into some "beautiful" ben covington.

oh, hello tuesday.

that's ari gold. i actually think that's jeremy piven, but whatever. he's really hot. because i have an attention deficit problem that makes me click "internet explorer" every nine seconds, i have quite a list of regularly viewed websites. some of them are the hipster douchebag party photo websites that we all know and loathe. i've seen jeremy piven on them several times looking slightly haggard and with a beaded necklace around his v-necked neck. that's why i'm focusing on ari gold.

ari's one of those guys who wears borderline gay suits during meetings, but he's an a-hole and you like it. the whole meeting you're sitting there wishing that everyone else in the room would disappear so you could replay that one scene from the movie secretary. oh wait, that's just me?

Monday, August 14, 2006

pre-teen nostalgia

does anyone remember the teen soap opera swan's crossing? my god, that was some hot shit! i was OBSESSED with this show back in the summer of 1992 when i babysat 40 hours a week. i couldn't peel myself away from the trials of tributlations of the sexy swan's crossing residents Sydney Rutledge (aka Sarah Michelle Gellar,) Garret Booth (aka Shane McDermott, an even whiter-bred, suburban-mom approved version of Vanilla Ice meets Zach Morris) and Mila Rosnofksy (aka Brittany Daniel.) this show launched many-a- fantastic career. there's no need to go into the resume of dear mrs. gellar, but how many of you watched or will admit to watching the hot "gleaming the cube" rip-off Airborne starring McDermott...anyone? anyone? i didn't think so. if you need to waste two hours of your life i can't think of a more painful way to do so. and fair brittany who's amazing acting repertoire includes Sweet Valley High and her short but super sweet role as Eve Whitman, the seductive temptress that sailed her way into dawson's creek one season.

as i sit here in my office, bitter and annoyed that i'm at my desk instead of watching re-runs of swan's crossing i find myself wishing i was 13 again...nerdy, boyless, acne-ridden, neon hypercolor clothing and all.

Friday, August 11, 2006

it's friday

my tip of the day is to just be nice! is that so hard?
quit being a dumb jerks and just be normal.
thank you.

Don't want to be at work

A short list of things I'd rather be doing at this particular moment:

1. Taking a romantic stroll around the lake in Central Park with Baby Dayliner.

2. Being fed a hot fudge sundae with mint chip ice cream at Fenton's in Oakland (by Baby Dayliner).

3. Making love on a sail boat in the South Pacific (to Baby Dayliner).

4. Throwing pennies off the top of the Eiffel Tower (at Baby Dayliner).

(When Baby Dayliner googles his name and finds this post, I'm going to die of embarrassment)

If you are not yet aware of my relationship with Baby Dayliner, you can read about it here.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Un-dating Tip

I'm going to commandeer Erin's dating tip for the week, although, this would actually be a tip on how to avoid dating. After ten years' experience getting hitting on by sleazeballs at bars, clubs and randomly on the street, I've put together a list of responses that should deter further advances. Feel free to use them at your own discretion.

1. "I find it personally offensive that you think you're actually in my league."

2. "You must be very confident in your sexuality to wear such a shirt like that."

3. "I'm so glad you came up to talk to me because earlier today I was thinking 'I'm really in the mood to go home with the first sleazy guy that comes my way tonight.' Oh no wait, that was yesterday. Sorry."

4. "I'm married to the sea."

5. (Turning to friend) "See, I told you he wouldn't look like Jason Alexander up close. He's much less attractive."

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

teen beat (delayed)

hello. i'm really sorry for the delay in getting this to you. i know you're all still at work (like i am), refreshing your browser (is that what they're called?) waiting for your weekly dose of man meat. alas...

after some post-plane ride brain loss and hearty IM convos with my "gal pals," as THEY call them, i've come up with a list of "hunks" from the grunge era. i'm too tired to look for pictures, but check back tomorrow. i might get inspired, though i probably won't.

1. billy corgan - though he's not on the list of amazing grunge records, he played guitar in the 90s and had ugly hair. then no hair, but i always loved him just the same. next time you're buying me drinks, remind me to tell you the story about the time i met a poetry reading...when he had weird facial hair. i could go on for days about how i used to obsess over the possibility of meeting him, how much i dislike poetry but moreso the public reading of poetry and how yucky weird facial hair is on a 37 yr old balding ex-idol-o-mine. nerd galore = me.

2. eddie vedder - see, i don't really find him attractive, though because i'm old now and so is he, i'm seeing it more. though that's probably just because somehow pearl jam swindled everyone into thinking their cool again. fugazi with long hair. whatever, my friends like him, so he stays.

3. chris cornell - i think this guy's repulsive because he never wears a shirt. i bet he won "best eyes" in his high school year book. if someone can get me a copy of this, assuming it exists, i'll play you spoon man on my sister's pink guitar. but not blackhole sun. that song blows for days.

4. matt dillon from swingers EDIT: SINGLES, duh (sleepy) - i don't know if this counts, but i'm going with it. i'm tired and no one was hot in the 90s. there, i said it.

5. kurt cobain - i lied. he was hot. i loved him. i even looked like him (is that bragging?) if you've ever seen my glamour shot, that was my mom's effort to make sure that my grandma didn't know that i wore ugly sweaters, dirty jeans and didn't brush my hair. it makes me sad everytime i turn on rockstar supernova (best show ever) and hear some douche wallet commiting earicide with one of nirvana's songs.

speaking of the best show ever, it's fugging late and i have a date with the shirtless tommy lee and gilby clarke, someone who's hotter now than anyone i can think of. my head hurts. good night.

A sign you're getting older

Last night I was watching college Jeopordy because I'm a huge dork and have no life, but that's not really the point. One of the categories was "DJ Alex Tribizzy in the Hizzouse." Go ahead, you can laugh. Anyway, contestants were given rap lyrics and had to come up with the artist name. Some of the early clues were fairly easy...Nelly, Snoop Dog, Eminem. However I was shocked, dismayed, and then depressed when they got to the $800 and $1000 questions and not one single "college age" contestant gave an answer to the following clues.

"I'll kick you out of my home if you don't cut that hair. Your mom busted in and said, "What's that noise?" Aw, mom you're just jealous it's the ____________!"

"Don't call it a comeback. I been here for years. Rockin my peers and puttin suckas in fear. I'm gonna knock you out. Mama said knock you out."

How the HELL is that possible? Maybe because they weren't born in 1977 like yours truly. Sigh. Tear.

Backyard Breakin' w/ New Agey No Friends

the sneakmovers just beat me to this post but i figured it was so goddamn awesome i'd put it up here anyway. get ready to watch our pal colin dance his 5 year old ass off to some phil collins.

Sunday, August 06, 2006


i really really love this lil' gem of teenybopper awesomeness.

Brooklyn's so random.

Friday, August 04, 2006


hi dudez. friday again? holy crap. guess what, yep, i get to go on another airplane this afternoon. i'm really sick of it. these complaints have nothing to do with it being friday or me giving you pointers for tipsy dating...i just like to complain.

anyway. this one's for the ladies.

i work in the financial district. i go get coffee atleast once a day. there is a tully's in my building, two peet's within a block and a half and countless starbucks and other nameless coffee places. all of them have at least one hot guy who works there. when i was 21 i also worked at a coffee shop and there were cute guys who worked there, too. it's my opinion that these men should be dated. they're often cute, they're obviously employeed, they can get out of bed on the early side and know how to make coffee (a bonus for slumber parties) and you're the boss because they don't have a "real" job. the only bad things are (and i know from experience), they'll smell like coffee for eternity, they have the whole bartender thing (many horny office women flirting with them daily) and they might be wearing man-dals behind the counter, something you didn't notice when you were a horny office woman flirting with them daily.

What would your playlist be?

i've been silent for a bit so hello again 5 loyal unibloggal readers! how i've missed you! perhaps this is old news to you techno-savvy pop culture addicts but i just discovered the wonderful world of phonic masturbation this morning. like many of you (don't be shy,) i have waited my entire adult life for someone to create a sex toy that will vibrate to the rhythm of my favorite music. i know deep down you really want to get your rocks off to some drony guitar riffs or better yet experience a new level of ecstacy to the bangin' beats of "insert favorite producer here." ladies...enjoy. a new era of self pleasure is finally upon us. here's one to get your started.

Black Sabbath - Sweet Leaf

Thursday, August 03, 2006

shameless work promotion

Charles and Ray Eames applied their singularly consistent vision to more than classic furniture. Connecting art and design, the Eameses made over 100 short films ranging from 1–30 minutes in length. There is a temptation, because the Eames furniture is so well known, to see the Eames films, exhibitions and other work as subsidiary, when in fact they are intimately related. All of Charles and Ray Eames' projects flow from the same design process, the same design philosophy, the same recognition of need.Join Design Within Reach, in conjunction with the Eames Foundation and Herman Miller for the Home®, as we celebrate the Eameses' film legacy. We'll be screening seven films at Studios across the country.

DWR Potrero Hill August 10, 7–9 pm with Eames Demetrios, grandson of Charles and Ray Eames, who will be giving a presentation.

(this is an event i've put together and if you can come, i'd be psyched.)

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Living it up while I'm going down

Now that I work in a building with an elevator, I’ve noticed that every time I enter one with a stranger, I spend the entire ride sizing up whether or not I’d be willing to sleep with that person if the elevator were to get stuck for a long period of time. Or if there’s more than one person, which one I’d rather sleep with. Or if that would just be too awkward with the other people there. Or maybe I'd just sleep with all of them. Gotta do something while you're waiting for the elevator to be fixed.

Is this something that everyone does in elevators? Or is it just me? (The pondering, not the actual hooking up)


me: are people over our blog?
stephanie: ? i dunno? as far as i know we have 5 readers. noah, mike, colin, matt, cristy. i think they all still read it
me: we need to recruit a larger readership
stephanie: totally. how do we do that?
me: i should know, it's kind of my job
stephanie: i linked it to my myspace like you did
me: hmm we need more sites to link to us do you know anyone else with a blog/website that we could link to?
stephanie: hmm... i don't think so. the sneakmovers are my bloggiest pals and they've already linked the shit outta us
me: shits we need to pull some PR stunts. can you make out with brandon davis and be listed in us weekly as, "uniblogger" ?
stephanie: hell fucking no!!! i just barfed in my mouth. gross
me: oh come on! i'll do it!
stephanie: yes, you do it
me: gimme some drinks and whatever drugs he's obviously on. i have no standards!
stephanie: awesome!!! hmm... seriously, i wonder what we could do.
me: can one of us go on a reality tv show? or maybe jeopardy
stephanie: both sound horrifying
me: come on! think outside the box...and yes i just said that
stephanie: the only answer we give to alex, "what is unibloggal"
me: hilarious shits, i gotta run home so i don't miss my date with gilby clarke.
stephanie: i'll take unibloggal for 600, alex.
me: would you have an affair with dave navaro?
stephanie: sure. i live in a very gay part of the gay mecca. does he like ladies? then, yesss.
me: the 4 foot tall glitter clad elf? shit, bro. i just thought of a great post.
stephanie: oh no.

A Little Gem of Cartoon Genius: Home Movies

Oh geez god how I love the first season of this show. Home Movies, which originally aired on UPN, was dumped by the network after 5 episodes with very low ratings. At about the same time, the cartoon network had just hatched their idea for Adult Swim and rescued the show as one of their firsts. They funded the rest of the first season and 3 more. The show revolves around Brendan Small who is an 8 year old filmmaker, his friends, his mom and his soccer coach. It's simple, quirky, hysterical and a good portion of it is improvised. I highly recommend renting the first season.

Here's a clip of possibly my favorite scene from season one. This is the kafka rock opera. Dwayne, Brendon's neighbor, gives him a script for a rock opera based on Franz Kafka's "Metamorphosis". His friends love the project, but Brendon is against it because he's favoring his own work, "Louis Louis", where Louis Pasteur meets Louis Braille. Enjoy.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

tean beet (my favorite typo)

wow, that time again already? indeed! this week, i'll be sharing with you the teen beatdom of one of my favorite movies in the world: ferris bueller's day off. (it might be one of my favorites, but i still had to google it to be sure i was spelling it correctly). my favorite person in the movie is the cute little snively (i googled that word and apparently it's a character from sonic the hedgehog, i was talking about snot-nosedly) youth named cameron frye. he was destined to become a dignified salt and pepper owning man who would grace the small screen with bit parts from here to there. ferris may have been the "hunk/nerd" and big star of the movie, but cameron was always the one you wanted to innocently make out with while sloan and ferris were having dirty rich teen sex in white fringed leather jackets and elvis costello vests while ed rooney watched through the window.