Thursday, August 30, 2007

butt sweat

i go to the gym in what equates to pajamas. they're stretchy and black and usually smell (bad). last night after i went to the gym i pondered something. how come when i used to go sit there reading books while my mom worked out, did people wear things like this.

i'm just one of those people who prefers not to have things shoved up my butt while i'm doing other things. what i mean is, if you're going to shove something up your butt (i'm not saying i do), it's usually for that one purpose. like enemas, butt sex, colon doctor things, etc. not like, "i'm at the gym AND i want something up my but." it almost appears in this photo that it's a picture of a front. the front of a woman with either a very dark complexion or one who forgot to go to the waxer and opted for the ever popular legging underneath.

back to the point, why did people ever wear these to the gym?

skeletor petrelli

um, is someone manorexic? also, is hayden 45 years old? WTF did the cast do over the summer besides age drastically?

nugget of the week: ryan donowho

good god, get ready for a jizz fest. you may remember mr. donowho (that cannot be his real last name) from a little show many of us hold near and dear, the OC. ryan played johnny harper, the ill-fated surfer/babe/friend of marissa cooper. good lord i'm in love.

anyway, ryan is the lead in an upcoming indie film "the pacific and eddy" which was a winner at the sacramento, silverlake and lake county film festivals. from the trailer (below) it looks like the movie could probably be painful and pretentious, but i don't give a rat's ass. seeing ryan inhale cigarette smoke while contemplating life's little torments gives me a girl boner from here to new york city. speaking of which, a little known factoid about this nugget: he was discovered playing drums in an nyc subway. now i'm officially in love.

thanks shannon

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

early burn eclipses... uh... the eclipse.

dude. man. fuck. you guys... the man caught on fire early. it was like an accident. or um arson or something.
check it out.
i realize that burning man is like the pinnacle of spirituality for a shit ton of people but since i'm not one of them i'd like to give the arsonist a solid hi-fiver for making me laugh my ass off this afternoon.

(thanks grizz)
(photo from laughing squid)

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Drill Squad says goodbye to NY

As my time in New York draws to a close, I’ve been going through all my stuff to throw it out or ship it back to California. As I sadly emptied my shelves over the weekend, I came across a pad with some little stick figures on it that made me smile.

I decided to take these little fellas out for old-time’s sake, give them a tour of Manhattan, and give ol' NYC a proper goodbye.

Drill Squad hangs out in Union Square.

Drill Squad visits the Chrysler building.

Drill Squad stops to say hello to the UN.

And last but not least, Drill Squad joins the tourists in Times Square.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Gettin' hungry?

If only I could write ads like this one. I am SO going to this place if I'm ever in Oklahoma.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Get into the spirit...

... of boners.

You'll all be very excited to know that you can now make your OWN remix of the Viva Viagra song. Have fun!

While working on the Viagra account, they never once let me include the word "boners." Seems like a real lost opportunity there.


My two favorite Steves, Carrell and Colbert, make me smile and feel all warm inside. Is that because I'm nauseated or in love? I vote to give them permanent nugget of the week status.

Arm Spirit Recall

this article is seriously cracking me up. looks like several japanese men have suffered broken arms from arm spirit, a new arm wrestling arcade game.
"The machine isn't that strong, much less so than a muscular man. Even women should be able to beat it," said a company spokesperson.
i really hope it's the french maid breaking all of those arms.

vh1 is aces

so i have cable now. i am kind of obsessed with vh1. first of all, it's hilarious and trainwrecky. secondly, the men on all of the shows i love are so douchey but awesomely amazing. there are several shows worth pointing out.

first of all, rock of love, starring bret michaels. since the days of "look what the cat dragged in" he's become way more hillbilly and also plastic in the face. he frenches hookers and porn stares while trying to find love and also paaaaaaaaaaaartying. they have shows called "show me your hits" and "riff it good." despite her pink porcupine hair, i'm rooting for jessica.

then we have the pick up artist. this dude mystery and his wing men matador and j-dawg try to teach nerdy virgins how to score in bars in austin. i's tough because on one hand you're like "homie, you are uncomfortable." but then on the other you're like "how on fugging earth are you taking advice from a dude with amelia earhart goggles on his head and a janet jackson choker around his neck." he offers up gambits and negs in order to help them open sets. your guess is as good as mine. but it's great.

then they have rock life which is like idiot porn or something. like if you had a douche fettish. it's all these rich fucking a-holes running around LA with no shirt on being fuck heads. it is entirely awful but i keep watching it. and cisco adler, roy orbison's kid and some fuckin nerd with halloween hair make up whitestarr, the worst band ever. they're like if the black crowes died and the maggots who ate them formed a band.
beyond these, there is man band and that scott baio show, which i've never seen, but i'm sure they're both awesers.

Douchebag of the Week: C.T. Martin



Under a newly proposed amendment by an Atlanta city councilman, C.T. Martin, baggy pants that show boxer shorts or thongs would be illegal under the city's indecency laws.

According to an AP report "the amendment states that sagging pants are an "epidemic" that is becoming a "major concern" around the country.

"Little children see it and want to adopt it, thinking it's the in thing," Martin said Wednesday. "I don't want young people thinking that half-dressing is the way to go. I want them to think about their future."

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. good luck with that one. you know the ACLU is all up in the shit. the dirty south better rise up an protest. thongs and boxes for everyone!

Friday, August 17, 2007

douchey halloween

i think i finally found a halloween costume i can live with. part office dork, part TOTALLY PUNK. anyone wanna guess who this is supposed to be?

i don't have balls

apparently some dogs get neutered. that means their nuts get chopped off. in order for dogs not to feel less manly (dogly?), they sometimes stick into their empty scrotums these things called neuticals. i was in search of some more information aka funny pictures when i came across these:

i guess this is a neutical. it kind of looks more like a albino embryo, but i perhaps i'm wrong. i also found this photo which leads me to believe that not only can dogs feel less manly, but they can also feel sad when in the hospital. nothing can cure that sadness other than a weird e.t. doll who looks more like a penis than anything else.
and this makes me think about how weird people are. i guess it's commonly assumed that dogs are for boys and cats are for girls. that's a generalization, but i can't even imagine feeling the need to put plastic jellybeans in my cat's nutsack. would any girl ever do that? i guess boys would be sad if their balls got got so they feel bad chopping off their dogs' nards. so weird.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

this song should open every movie

i absolutely love aqua teen hunger force and this song is the perfect embodiment of all that is great about that show. random but genius.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

i have tropical depression

i'm supposed to go to puerto rico this weekend. should i pack sunscreen or four-by-fours?

Thursday, August 09, 2007

presents for your mouth hole

i realized today why this is my favorite candy:

it's because it tastes like this:

and unlike jagermeister, you can enjoy it at work.

Monday, August 06, 2007

doggy style

i know that last week there was some chatter regarding the viva viagra commercial that audrey worked on. different people likely have different thoughts on how catchy, awesome or anything else that the commercial may be. even best week ever had to weigh in this week. these dogs obviously have their own thoughts on it:


you guys, it's coming quick. the san francisco renaissance fair is almost here. they have jousting, actors, juggling, and great shopping. i was planning on going to los angeles to give a dear friend bday hugs, but i am going to cancel so that i can be raped and pillaged.

Friday, August 03, 2007

getting freaky with you, all silky like

i must start off by thanking my dear friend laurin for sending me to silk's myspace page where my ears were blessed with the sounds of slow jam galore, freak me baby (song four). you see, last sunday morning, while cleaning the camp ground we were occupying, i burst into song with this little ditty.

it all started out in 10th grade when for some reason my mom was OK with me frequenting a certain underage dance club called illusions in newport beach. this led to many nights of a body suit clad erin getting "freaky" with boys who smelled like the beach and vodka. and on other nights they smelled like drakkar noir or cool water and wore construction boots. that was actually the difference between summer 1992 and early 1993, when this song came out. literally, 15 years old, freaking some gross guy while singing in my head "i wanna play with your body baby, make you real hot." wtf?

i'll be the first one to admit that i was one prude 15 yr old. no one but me was undoing my bodysuit snaps or licking me up and down. i wonder how old this girl is:

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Douchebag of the Week: Bible Fox

Did you ever want to change the look of your web browser to compliment your love of the lord? Well look no further because the geniuses at Firefox have come up with a nifty way to search the web and honor thy father all in one fail swoop. Introducing Bible Fox. I guess I should really give Douchebag of the week to the designer, Bodizzle, but you get the idea. Vom.

ad mania: subtlety is key

i'm in a commerical posting mood. this one is hilarious! audrey, tell me you didn't work on this campaign too???

WTF of the week: viva viagra

this is a national commercial people. for the love of...

Laying Low

Don't mess with Agnes.