Friday, June 29, 2007

I feel the desire burning through my body

This picture arrived in my email today. Must. Resist. Urge. To purchase. Keep the credit card in the pants, Audrey.

How does this company manage to make every new, inanimate product so incredibly sexy? I don’t just want to own an iPhone, I kind of want to hump it.

Thursday, June 28, 2007


i cannot argue.

i just moved and this statement welcomed me to my new neighborhood. i love graffiti.

mark my words

this trend is going to spread like wildfire

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

i hear ya, kid.

thanks sweet blumby!


i often fantasize about how awesome it would be to have a hottub in my lil' backyard. perfect for relaxing, entertaining and trouble. today i stumbled upon the dutchtub, which i might consider purchasing if it wasn't 6k. maybe they include this scandinavian wood chopper in the price.

also looks like you can cook your kids in it when they're bad.

Monday, June 25, 2007

you're so beautiful, you could be a part-time model

I wasn't quite sure what Flight of the Conchords was when HBO was promoting it around the end of Sopranos. Nothing in my mind could take the place of my mob boyfriend Tony, but much to my dismay it has quickly become my new obsession (next to grannies dancing) and I encourage all of you to watch it.

According to their site, "Flight of the Conchords follows the trials and tribulations of a two man, digi-folk band from New Zealand as they try to make a name for themselves in their adopted home of New York City. The band is made up of Bret McKenzie on guitar and vocals, and Jemaine Clement on guitar and vocals."

I've included a video from the pilot episode that made me giggle. There are many-a-cameo by another hipster comic, Eugene Mirman who made a name for himself as the opening act to a Modest Mouse tour. Ahh, hipsters and comedy....the pairing is so sweet.

Editors note: the show is even better with herbal enhancement.

walk it out, gurl

I love this for many reasons, but mainly because it features hot old ladies in sweet 60s garb dancing it up. This is what I envision my golden years to look like. In some ways I wish my entire life could be choreographed. Alas, I just have to live out my fantasies by watching "So you think you can dance" over and over and over again on my DVR. Hope this brightens up your Monday.

'Duncan' the dog now a registered voter

Trying to prove how easy it is to dupe the voter registration system, a Washington woman successfully registered her dog. She even had him sign it with a paw print. It took a pretty long time before anyone caught on.
Here's an excerpt:

Sure enough, the registration card arrived in the mail for "Duncan McDonald." Balogh had managed to get a registration for her Australian shepherd-terrier mix, no questions asked. "He's an independent, just like his mother," she said of her dog. Duncan filled out his ballot in September and signed it with a paw print. He didn't actually vote, but Balogh mailed his ballot to King County Elections. At first, there were still no questions being asked. "Nothing. I thought, 'what is going on here? This can't be true. Someone has to show an interest,'" Balogh said. An elections worker did show an interest in the next election. She called with questions about the signature. "She said, 'you can't sign with a paw.' I said, 'you can if you're a dog.' There was a long hesitation. She said, 'it's a dog?' I said 'yes,'" Balogh said.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Admiring feelings of a graceful lady

Purchased this afternoon at a Brooklyn bodega:

Need a close up of that brilliant piece of copywriting?

Thursday, June 21, 2007


Anyone wanna meet me for a quick bite?

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

sippin' on gin and jamba juice

i've been a vegetarian for nine years and an alcoholic for even longer. and, while trying to make it through the disappointment that was "fur: an imaginary portrait of diane arbus," i formulated the most ingenious business venture for health conscious alcoholics (or maybe it's the alcohol talking). let's open a bar which serves bitchy frozen cocktails and gives patrons the option of adding supplement boosts.

for instance, right now, i would love a pina colada with a protein boost.

three word review: fur

pile of poo.

rockstar chefs: a mission in stalking

hi. this past weekend i went to aspen for the a food and wine festival. it was pretty much awesome. i am kind of a fan dork stalker by nature and in aspen, these instincts came out full force. you can see from the photos below that me and my camera felt right at home.

this is at a party on saturday night. that arrow is pointing to ilan hall who one the second season of bravo's top chef. he's wicked cute.
this is emeril signing some books with a lot of moms.

this is me and my friend amy. that guy behind us is the iron chef morimoto. he's about 3 feet tall and has shiny hair. this lady running the starbucks booth at the party took the picture for us.

this was taken from the audience at some auction i had to go to. that's bobby flay cooking some food and on the screen to the left is tom colichio who's the host on top chef. did you guys know how bro-y most chefs are? they also drink a lot, so i like them.
lastly and perhaps most importantly we have sam talbot, he got third place on the last season of top chef. he's this breed of guy who will make you want to hump air when strangers are around. he's tall and buff in an ok way and can wear a pink shirt without, uninterested in women. he also shaved his head and was free of offensive man jewelry. i had two very uncomfy encounters with him, but we managed to bond over his ex girlfriend with the same name is me. i can't imagine being one of those people who can make people strip on sight. how fun that would be. lucky sam.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Deal Breaker?

Please, someone tell me who the hell thought it would be a good idea to have Celine Dion as Hillary's campaign song?

(thanks newagey)

Monday, June 18, 2007

mcLovin' it!

i will be there on opening day. anything judd apatow does turns to solid gold! holla!

Friday, June 15, 2007

The best email from eBay ever.

You have the read the product and the seller to enjoy this long dispute I had with eBay. Luckily, I won and am therefore “released from any obligations to bikercrap6130.”

You may be wondering why I was thinking of purchasing “Nipple Pasties Patriotic Hands” in the first place. It’s for our upcoming Red Neck, White Trash, Blue Collar 4th of July barbecue that the roomies and I are planning. (Think of the Tacky Holiday Sweater party, but for summer). However, I opted to not buy the hand-shaped pasties, I decided that the stars are much classier.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

word from the unwise

simple advice: don't run into an ex and then watch the bridge.

"Over the span of a year, director Eric Steel's cameras capture tormented souls attempting to commit suicide by leaping from San Francisco's Golden Gate Bridge. Through poignant interviews with family, friends and eyewitnesses, the film reveals a common thread of depression, despair and chronic mental illness. This provocative documentary further reinforces the landmark's iconic legacy as the world's most popular suicide destination."

"Congratulations on not being sterile"

If you haven’t already sent all your friends, enemies and family members a greeting from someecards, it’s time to start. They’re perfect for every occasion...

Every situation…

And just every day statements about life…

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Going bananas

Is there such a thing as eating too many bananas? Cause I'm on this "healthy snack" kick and I've gotten up to about three a day. Is that bad?

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

bombs over gay-dad

Pentagon Confirms It Sought To Build A 'Gay Bomb'

(CBS 5) BERKELEY A Berkeley watchdog organization that tracks military spending said it uncovered a strange U.S. military proposal to create a hormone bomb that could purportedly turn enemy soldiers into homosexuals and make them more interested in sex than fighting.Pentagon officials on Friday confirmed to CBS 5 that military leaders had considered, and then subsquently rejected, building the so-called "Gay Bomb." for more...

Happy Michael Tolliver Day!

For all you TALES OF THE CITY fans out there (and I hope there are some, because they're the best books ever). Gavin Newsom has declared today, June 12, "Michael Tolliver Day in San Francisco."

I’m not kidding. It's in honor of Armistead Maupin's new book, "Micheal Tolliver Lives." All the details are here in this article.

For those of you living in San Francisco, you can go see Armistead Maupin sign his new book today at the Ferry Building. Right now. If I were there, I would definitely go shake his hand. Go go go!

Monday, June 11, 2007

Get the door, it's the "Ankle Injuries" video

Need a little something to wake you up on a lazy Monday morning? Here’s the awesome “Ankle Injuries” video from Fujiya and Miyagi.

For all you New York kiddies, these guys are doing a free show July 6th at Southstreet Seaport. See you there.

Friday, June 08, 2007

sick of confusing the shema and the shehecheyanu? i sure am! fear for no further embarrassment. the say-a-blessing electronic keychain is here and you will all be recieving one for hannukah b/c i totally get a discount if i buy in bulk. it also comes with a handy led flashlight. perfect for blinding grandma on the high holidays.

(thanks matt!)

Power to the big furry dogs!

Yesterday after work, I decided to head over to Grand Central Station with my camera. Grand Central is a beautiful place and there’s something I love about it at rush hour – the crowds of people rushing back and forth, the maniacal energy. I don’t know, I just get a kick out of it.

I got some pretty cool footage yesterday, which I will soon edit into an iMovie, but check out this one shot I randomly picked up.

Yes, that is an innocent, giant Snoopy being harassed by the Grand Central Cops. I’m really glad I caught this clear case of discrimination on tape. It’s like the Rodney King video, only for big furry animals.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Maybe I need glasses?

I accidentally walked into the men's locker room at the gym today. My first thought was not, "Oh shit, wrong room." It was, "Damn, that woman's got some teeny titties."

Seriously, what is wrong with me?

bomarr tomorrow night @ laszlo!

our sweet pal bomarr will be djing tomorrow night @ laszlo so get your asses on over there.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

conserving paper

this is a perfect example of what happens when my brother is left in charge of my 3 year old niece.

personal douche chills

ok, i have been kind of wanting to kill myself lately due to work and apartment hunting and other woes. that pow pow factor just went through the roof because i just gave myself the most insane douche chills. i've been conflicted lately after a recent hotel stay when i learned who criss angel is. i had heard of him and then i accidently saw his show. then i was like, i think i should think he's hot because he has dirty gross jack white hair and a diamond hand cuff necklace which i kind of want to own. but he's such a douche, it's painful. i was like, hot or not? so i found this picture and i think he's ok looking minus some serious shit storms in the outfit department.

i was looking for photos and then i found this. and now i am going to jump out the window because it's too painful.
the only positive is that his dong looks big. or maybe it's a cup. lskdfjalsdkfjl;adfj

Handsome Richard's Late Night Phosphate

check out these fellas' response to unibloggal's favorite ottoman rape video.
hilarious, i tell you.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Does size matter?

I'm not the hugest fan of Penn and Teller but this little video made my gloomy Tuesday morning filled with sunshine. At first I thought the woman in the middle of the segment (3:57) was annoying, but then she turned out to be my jam, and now I heart her.

Anyone uniblogettes want to offer their opinion so we can finally clear up the size controversy once and for all? I'll begin: size does matter, but not how men may think it does. If you were one inch, I'd probably look like this but if you were 12 inches I'd probably respond in this manner. To me its all about balance and being somewhere in the middle is A-OK in my book, if not preferred. Feel better? Probably not but I tried. Next...

Friday, June 01, 2007

Douchebag of the Week: Glo Fur

Okay, okay, so if you were to really do some background research on me you may figure out that I have donned some questionable club outfits back in the day. I was young, impressionable, and heavily medicated and we all make mistakes, so eff off. But this shit? This is too much. Seriously if you ever see anyone wearing glo fur (and I'd be willing to bet one of these morons will show up in our fair city) make sure you immediately approach said person and punch them in the face. I promise you'll feel fantastic and the world will be a better place.