Friday, September 29, 2006

friday's dating tip: stick to your own hood

in san francisco, we're kind of relegated to our own general neighborhoods based on the kind of person we are. i'm going to generalize here, but for the most part, it's just best to stick to your own kind. if you're a marina girl, don't cross van ness, as our bffs in battle axe reminded us. so here's why:

if you're from the marina and you're a dude, your salmon button up shirt will match your girlfriend's face, an awsome hue achieved from months of tanning. also, she's at the gym so much that she won't even notice that you're probably gay. why else would you vote for a republican and wear shiny dress shoes on the the weekend?

if you're from the mission, you can share very tiny tiny jeans, bike pumps, brown bags to hold your beverage, vegan cooking supplies and dull scissors for unisex hair cuts. being that economical is totally punk.

say you're from the sunset or the richmond, no one else goes there or even knows where it is, so you'll have to find someone in your neighborhood, lest you die alone and sex-free.

if you live near haight street, you're either in college or you stink really bad and don't have any money. this could be a perfect relationship because if you're the former, you probably have rich parents which could benefit the latter and if you're smelly and poor, you'll be perfect for pissing off the parents of the newly free dorm resident.

i think i've probably offended enough people for the time being and if i'm feeling inspired at a later date, i might move along to other neighborhoods, though i probably won't. (i apologize for the lack of humor here, the winter weather in september has me grumpified to the max...AND APPARENTLY ENTIRELY INCAPABLE OF SPOTTING TYPOS, sorry.)

Thursday, September 28, 2006

goog charlotte

quick shout out to chris for the photo and the clever headline thingy. this is good charlotte playing an acoustic set in matching man tanks at google yesterday. look at the people doing work on their laptops and generally not giving a shit.

foodies and fashionistas get ready

that's right. a new big dumb ugly mall has opened in san francisco. westfield centre, here i come. thank you for building 93929 new stores for me to spend the money that i don't have. what was i going to do without you? i mean, the other mall that was already there, as well as the 568 other stores that are just across the street from you were REALLY getting me down.

this morning on my bus ride to work there were eleven NEWS trucks outside anxious to share the wonderful word of this new mall with the world. it encouraged me to visit the mall's website where i was urged as both a foodie and a fasionista to GET READY. then i started looking through the list of stores, both old and new, in order to prepare myself for the new additions to my belly and wardrobe. i found that i now have the exquisite ability to shop and eat at the following establishments:

hot topic! holy crap. what have i done without this in my life? when i was 19 and would visit my dad in spokane, washington, i'd spend hours in this store waiting to laugh REALLY loudly (only quietly and to myself, as to avoid being trench coat mafia'ed) at the patrons of this store. san francisco punkgothemoteens now have something to complete their lives.

panda express! now, i don't think i've eaten at panda express since i was 18 and ate the orange chicken at the UCSB U-Cen between my anthro 2 class and film studies 26. however, i'm sure any foodie would agree that san francisco MUST have more panda express.

tommy bahamas! wow. dad's in laguna beach will be so thrilled that when they come to visit LC and stephen that they'll also be able to stock up on hideous shirts that make them look like waiters at weird resorts lining beaches worldwide. (sorry if my pop culture references are out of date, i haven't watched mtv since those two actually were going to college here.)

wetzel's pretzels! oh goodie. now i don't have to go all the way to the oakland airport for one of these delicious treats.

another h&m! yay. another place for every female from the age of 12 to 35 years old to shop so they can look EXACTLY the same while sporting what i like to refer to as "sweatshop chic." (not that i don't shop there myself, i just wish it would have kept itself safely in new york where i left it.)

and for all of you san franciscans who like to get tres romantical, there's an illuminations, your one stop shop for all of your fragrant and dried flower filled candle needs.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

teen beat tuesday: where's my president?

i started this morning wanting to punch in my computer screen after watching sunday's interview with bill clinton on Fox News with chris wallace. i am very thankful that i have this outlet through which to vent my frustration with the world, as well as my feelings of love and older man brainiac crush town on william jefferson clinton. here's just a little recap:

you can either read a transcript of it here or watch the video here.

here's a clip of his appearance on the daily show last week:

if you have a month or two to dedicate to reading his memoir, my life, you should definitely read it. his brains will make you feel teen beated.

also, here's a link to david remnick's recent feature on billy c. in the new yorker.

Orgasmatron 3000

In an attempt to save us all from the utter unsexiness of Audrey's last post, I'd like to introduce you all to the Orgasmatron 3000. The ladies of unibloggal will now be opening a laundry service.


Remember your favorite PJs when you were little? Of course you do, we all loved our footie pajamas. Whether they had cars or sheep, zoo animals or rainbows, there's something so cute, cozy and cuddly about a child in his/her jammies. But that's the operative word here: child. When it comes to adults in footie pajamas, it ain't so cute anymore.

Sure, we all want to relive the happy days of our youth. But grown men in fire engine footie pajamas? I'm sorry, but that's just scary. We also loved pooping in a diaper and suckling our mother's breast. Are we reliving those days? No. At least, I hope not.

Friday, September 22, 2006

freaking friday

hello, again. after a sort of hilarious IM conversation with a fellow uniblogger, i have decided to share with you some advice that might help your weekend be filled with more making out and awesomeness. but first you must listen to a story.

when i was in high school, my friends and i frequented many underage dance clubs. those included illusions, the soul kitchen, bounce and a few others. we would go to at least one of these almost every weekend from the summer before we were sophomores until mid-way through our junior year when our jeans got really baggy and we discovered "shows." i'm getting carried away on my attention to detail here. anyway, during these formative years of drunken dancing with strange, sweaty, hormonal dudes, we created many rules and bits of vocabulary that would help us communicate more clearly with one another and made for hilarious stories we'd share the next day when we'd stay in bed until our moms would make us do chores.

one of these special bits was called, "don't look him in the eye." see, when you're sixteen, wearing a highly questionable outfit (it was 1993), tan because you live in orange county and tipsy on zima, dudes want to dance with you. they usually want to grind their privates on you, too. if you look him in the eye, he's going to french you. it's human nature. in this situation, you're either going to want it to happen or not want it to happen. because you're a silly teenager, you might want it to happen, but you're going to pretend that you don' you don't look him in the eye until you really want him to.

my challenge for you this weekend is to get ahold of yourself and effing look him (or her) in the eye. own that shit. you're older now. you can do it. so, go to madrone on saturday night, follow my instructions from this time last month, find a sweaty other to dance with and stare hard. then french away.

special thanks to laurin for providing an awesome soundtrack for this post. happy weekending.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

The unitard

My love for the unitard did not begin with the video I posted yesterday. Oh no, it spans far back to the glorious days of my youth on stage. I wanted to be a dancer. With no formal training, except three years of tap and a few belly dancing lessons, my hope was that I could don my sleek and sexy unitard and camel toe my way to the top. After being rejected by the 11th grade Dance Production, I quickly changed my lifelong dream to something much more attainable – movie star!

But this post is not about me, it is about the unitard. That glorious single piece of fabric that, while covering the whole body, leaves nothing to the imagination. The invention that allows the body to move freely, with no concern of a pesky thong up your ass. It’s like a leotard, only with legs, making it that much more incredible.

I now have a new lifelong dream: bring back the unitard.

I see Americans of every shape, size and stature wearing them to work, to bars and to the laundrymat.

I see people of every age, race and creed wearing unitards of all colors of the rainbow.

I see all of God’s children able to join hands and sing “My country, ‘tis of thee. Sweet land of unitards.”

This is my dream. And I shall start it off.

Who’s with me???

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

What’s it gonna be?

There are countless amazing things about this video. But my favorite aspect personally is the man in the silver, velvet unitard. Enjoy.

panther: stephanie's lesson in home wrecking

please excuse the shakey video and terrible sound. i'm an amateur.

i tried to post this earlier directly through you tube but it's taking a year and stephanie's loins are all aquiver. on monday night, panther opened for ratatat at the great american, which was knee deep in dreams of teen sex, clearasil and the urban outfitters sale rack. despite being the oldest person at the show, i had an excellent time. and not just because this guy was there:

remember him?

Benefit Concert for Rogue Wave's Pat Spurgeon at The Independent, September 30

Good show. Good cause.

"On September 30th 2006, San Francisco band Rogue Wave will host a benefit concert at The Independent to raise money for their drummer Pat Spurgeon, who is in desperate need of a kidney transplant.

The benefit concert will feature performances by Rogue Wave, Ben Gibbard (Death Cab for Cutie,) Matthew Caws (Nada Surf,) Ryan Miller (Guster,) John Vanderslice, and other special guests. Daniel Handler (AKA Lemony Snickett) will MC the event."

for more info go here

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

teen beat tuesday: all-stars

this week i'm going to share with you the true essence of teen beatage: teen beat magazine. in this special issue from october 1991, we're treated to a sizzling batch of allstars set to the beat of red hot summer fun! obviously this is appropriate because i live in san francisco, the only city in the world that doesn't get summer until october, when most people are getting all chilled to the max. anyway, here is a list of the red hot fun summer teen beaters, along with an interesting (i think!) smattering of fun/trivial facts about these dear people.

jason priestley: in 1991, he was not only a teen beat cover boy, but also one of people magazine's 50 most beautiful people. he really is beautiful. but don't sing me that james blunt song or i'll die.
luke perry: ranked #6 in TV Guide's list of "TV's 25 greatest teen idols." also loves horses.
vanilla ice: real name is robert van winkle and can grow chin dreads.
tommy: who the eff is tommy? any one? EDIT! tommy puett is obviously a very hunky teen idol who pretty much ONLY appeard on life goes on. thanks to stephanie and google for all of the helpful information.
mark paul gosselaar: his middle hame is harry and he's a pieces.
alex winter aka bill s. preston, esq: (seriously check out that photo) both of his parents are modern dancers and he has a son named leroy.
keanu reeves aka ted logan (or mel gibson in that pic!): was arrested in la in may 1993 for drunk driving. also loves ballroom dancing.
paula abdul: spent her honeymoon with emilio estevez in winnepeg, manitoba canada and has an older sister named wendy.
jordan knight: made the 1990 issue of people magazine's 50 most beautiful people AND wore clear braces on his teeth for two years while in new kids on the block. quite a feat.
lastly, the party: i had to as colleen, my pop culture data base, who the eff they were since the caption next to their picture was all together too punny for me. anyway, she said, "the party is the band from the mickey mouse club. they had one song that went, my name is chase, i'm the redhead ace on the dancefloor." I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T KNOW THAT!

i'm probably going to get kicked out of the unibloggal crew for this one.

The Chapman Swifts

this past sunday i was lucky enough to witness something heart-stoppingly wonderful and unique to portland. every year, at around this time, thousands and thousands of tiny birds, called vaux's swifts, stop in portland for a couple of weeks as they get ready for their long migration to central america. at night, the swifts roost in large hollow trees, but because these old-growth forests are diminishing they often use chimneys instead of trees. luckily for portland, the chapman elementary school, in the northwest part of the city, has a huge chimney that the swifts have made their own for years now. tons of people gather on the grassy hill facing the chimney and wait for the birds to begin gathering for their descent. before the air show begins the screaming and laughing kids, who are flying down the grassy hill on pieces of cardboard, knocking eachother over, are the entertainment. however, once dusk falls, and approximately 35,000 birds have gathered in a swirling vortex over this chimney, everyone's eyes are glued up. one brave birdie dives in first and the rest follow in an hour long gorgeous spectacle. it was truly one of the oddest things i've ever seen and the whole evening was beautiful in a very rockwellian way. unfortunately, between all of my friends, no one had a camera. hopefully these videos can give you the gist.

Aye, it's drivin' me nuts.

Ahoy ye scurvy sea dogs!

Let me be the first to wish everyone a very happy Talk Like a Pirate Day. As many of you know, today is one of my favorite holidays. My fifth favorite, in fact, after Christmas, Passover, Halloween and Bay to Breakers. That may not sound impressive, but notice that it beat Easter, Yom Kippur and Veterans’ Day. But I digress.

What’s important is that today, more than any other day, people talk like pirates. Whether this means greeting your friends with a hearty “Yo ho” or ending every sentence with “Aaargggh,” making a visit to Dave Eggers’ store or raping and pillaging some small port villages, I hope you celebrate this holiday in your own special way.

Not sure how to talk like a pirate? Here’s a helpful video:

Monday, September 18, 2006

portland goodies

hey pals. i just returned from a few days in portland and was hoping to write a sweet post that recapped it all but i'm so frickin' tired that coherent sentences are a lil' too hard right now and i need to take a nap so i don't fall on my face tonight at the panther/ratatat show. anyway, i had an awesome time up there, as always, so i figured i'd post this vid of the thermals (a portland band) which was directed by whitey mcconnaughy (a portland director who made the rad panther video) in honor of my weekend adventure. i like this song just fine, but i love the panther (also from portland but rockin' our worlds in sf tonight) cameo. don't blink.

Friday, September 15, 2006

apparently it's friday

so it's friday and that means i'm supposed to give you a bit of my infinite wisdom. the truth is, i don't know shit except for this: cuddling rules. you should do it whenever possible.

hipsters are ruining democracy.

I love Blue States Lose--Gawker's weekly installment of sarcastical commentary on the retarded cadre of photos wasting space on The Cobra Snake, Last Night's Party, etc. The best part of my Friday morning ritual of sipping decaf coffee and surfing the web starts and ends with the Alex Blagg's hilarious ribbing of all the fucktards who frequent Misshapes, Motherfucker and the like. I promise you'll love it too. Here's an undeniable reason why Blue State Lose was tailor made for you, me and everyone we know.

Last Night's Party. Trash Projection photo #4504: Remember right before the '04 election, when you were watching The Daily Show every night, reading a lot of liberal blogs, listening to Bright Eyes and sayin' "Fuck yeah!" everytime David Cross told a joke ripping on how retarded the right really is? You felt optimistic, like good might actually prevail, and that it would be inconceivable to imagine America giving Bush four more years worth of chances to utterly destroy everything we've accomplished as a species thus far. Well, here's why you lost, why you'll always lose, and why the only political postion worth taking is in the safety of a well-stocked bomb shelter.

another reason san francisco is the best city ever

According to the San Francisco Chronicle there have been 1,218 suicides on the Golden Gate Bridge since its inception in 1937. The first suicide occured 10 weeks after opening. IFC has produced an "uplifting" documentary entitled,The Bridge, slated for release in October 2007 which chronicles the suicide phenomenon that has made the Golden Gate Bridge famous for something other than its trademark orange beauty. If you ever wanted to get your laugh on this is the documentary to see.

We win suckers.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

rampant undie sameness

so, over the last couple of months on a few family and friend family related trips, i've ended up spending a lot of time with other females. my mom, my aunt, my cousins, my sisters and most recently a gaggle of girl friends. during these trips and overnight stays, i've noticed a streak of similarity that i haven't been able to ignore. this one pair of underwear from target that comes in two color combinations. everyone has them and they're too recognizable to ignore, you can't help but say, "oh, i have those" and the other girl/woman will say, "really? target?"

this has led me to wonder if certain dudes who have a talent for getting in various girls' pants on a semi- or entirely frequent basis have noticed this similarity themselves. and if this happened, would you be weirded out? at a certain point, say on the third or fourth recognition, would you accidentally mention to one girl, "oh, you know stacy (favorite fake name to use)? she has those too!" and the girl (let's call her monica), would say "really? target?"

would that be uncomfortable? because the underwear in question really are great!

Not so sweet after all

My roommate works at the New York satellite of a Toronto-based law firm, so I’ve been hanging out with a bunch of Canadians recently. Once you get past their annoying accents and overly cheery dispositions, they’re actually a very cool people. (I’m just kidding, Jane!) Plus, I’ve been learning a lot of interesting things about Canada.

Did you know that high-fructose corn syrup is illegal in Canada? It’s not approved by the Canadian FDA. Which is very funny/scary because it’s an ingredient in just about every single thing Americans eat.

My roommate’s coworkers have been complaining about all the weight they’ve gained since they moved to the States. And they’re blaming one culprit – our friend, high fructose corn syrup.

Everyone knows it’s bad for you, but I wanted to find out exactly how bad. So I’ve been doing some reconnaissance work. Today I read a number of articles online on HFCS. The low-cost liquid sweetener started to take over American ingredients in the early 1980’s, the same time obesity started to rise. Apparently, some scientists believe that the body processes HFCS different than other sugars, “short-wiring our metabolism and forcing us to gain weight.”

Scary right? But it’s not like you can avoid HFCS by staying off soda and sweets, it’s an ingredient in ketchup, yogurt and even hot dog buns. No one is safe!

To be fair, I must mention that there are other scientists that believe HFCS is not contributing to obesity anymore than any other sugar. These scientist happen to work for Pepsi, but whatever.

Here’s some info I got online:

The U.S. Department of Agriculture advises most people to limit themselves to 10 to 12 teaspoons of added sugars a day. The list below shows how much sugar, mostly in the form of high fructose corn syrup, is in each of these single servings.

Sunkist soda: 10 1/2 teaspoons of sugar

Berkeley Farms low-fat yogurt with fruit: 10 teaspoons of sugar

Mott's applesauce: 5 teaspoons of sugar

Slim-Fast chocolate cookie dough meal bar: 5 teaspoons of sugar

1 tablespoon ketchup: 1 teaspoon of sugar

Hansen's Super Vita orange-carrot Smoothie: 10 teaspoons of sugar

Who wants to move to Canada with me?

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Tucker On Dancing With The Stars

holy jesus. somehow, last night i ended up watching this piece of shit show while waiting for rockstar supernova to come on (which was a piece of shit, too). there's a bunch of crap before tucker starts the stand up comedy routine, so just fastforward to the middle. i'm almost too embarrassed to post this, which is saying a lot considering the previous post.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

teen beat tuesday: bachelorette style

wow. hi guys. tuesday again already? did you miss me while i was out burning down the desert?
please bear (ladies, not literally, i said bear not bare) with me if this edition of tuesday teen beatery is lacking in grammatically correctleness, morality, politically correctishtime or anything else that your eyes or brains may be sensitive to. i committed massive brain cell genocide this weekend and will likely never recover. that warning provided, i would like to introduce you to the men (and women) of palm springs:

this is hank, "hank the tank" to be more specific. we met him at the village pub. he was buff and although you can't see it had a ponytail neatly stacked upon his step cut. after this photo was taken, he promptly bench pressed tina. sweet hank.

i don't remember her name, but she was pretty much the sweetest person we met all weekend. and she was rockin some serious heel action on her feet. the unfortunate thing about this photo is this. see that rolled up dollar bill in the hand not about to grip the back of laurin's head? see it? well, in another photo, her lee press on nail is firmly implanting it in this guy's a$$.

and yes, that's fake.

but this one wasn't. just ask lily.

happy tuesday, everyone.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Not much magic here

I’ve always had a thing for magicians. I mean, who doesn’t? Their minds so mysterious… their hands so nimble. One summer in college, I worked at a toy store with an onsite magician. I was so in love with him. I would sit in the puzzle section and fantasize about going out with him…

He’d pull a bouquet out from behind my ear when he picked me up for dinner.

Appetizers would appear out of thin air at the table.

And on the way home I’d notice a strange sensation under my shirt.
“That’s because I have…. YOUR BRA!”

We never did go out. In fact, I got fired from that job for spending too much time at the magic table and ignoring the customers. True story.

There’s only one thing I find as hot as magicians: Edward Norton. So, you can imagine my excitement when a movie like The Illusionist came out. Edward Norton playing a magician? Does it get any better than that?

I saw that movie earlier tonight and the answer is yes. Yes, it gets a lot better than that, because the movie blows. The plot is holey and weak, the writing is lazy, and the surprise twist is about as surprising as the gum on the theatre floor. But worst of all, the one scene of hot magician on duchess action is totally blurry and PG-rated. When I see a magician movie, I demand hot magician action, damnit!

Friday, September 08, 2006

Friday Dating Tips -- Gary T's What Not To Do's

Gary T back in effect as Erin is off at a bachelorette weekend party NOT having sex in the champagne room (don't do it--it's just nasty back there). I've got a list of don't do dating tips to accomodate your weekend.

* Do not forget deodorant (girls and guys both). I've already had my Junior Prom ruined by my date not wearing any and she stunk like she washed her pits with dirty gym socks.
* Do not shave your legs. Do not clean your room. A hookup will never occur if you plan and prepare for it. (credit to SS for this one)
* Once again, do not forget to trim down there (girls and guys both). Even if you don't shave your legs or clean your room (see above), this will be appreciated, perhaps in an oral fashion.
* To the dude at the bar the other night, please untuck your t-shirt from your shorts and lose the Tevas. You actually almost ruined MY date. Also, next time you pick another "live DMB" song on the jukebox, I'll break your nose.
* Do not lie to me about who you really are, pretending to be an innocently sweet girl making a video diary in your bedroom when you're really a construct of the CAA talent agency based out of Hollywood California. Fuckers. I'll never be able to trust or love again. (credit to satt for the link)
* Finally, people, please stop all the cockblocking. Just let your friend make a bad decision on his or her own.

Have fun on your dates this weekend everyone. Peace out, Gary TJ.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

mystery solved

sorry for talking too much lately, but i just realized something veeeery important and earth shattering. i now know who the true maternal barer of lil suri cruise is.

my friend meredith!
or maybe they just have the same haircut and drool on their shirts.

My grandma is the coolest person alive.

I realize that I might be a little bit biased, but if you met her, you'd agree.

At 93-years-old, she's sharper and more active than I've ever been. She's smart, she's a great dancer, and she can tell a joke like no other.

I taped her at our family barbecue on Monday telling one of her favorites. Enjoy:

a reading list: totally depressing

for the most part i am a happy person who doesn't like to visit frown town very often. however, for some reason i'm really into sad depressing boo hooey books. here is a list of books that will make you sad and if you ask me, happier in the end.

play it as it lays by joan didion: i actually finished this book last night and that's what prompted me to scribble "depressing books" on my hand. the foreword of the version i read (linked to here) is totally insightful and applauds ms. didion for calling out her contemporaries on being vapid d-bags in los angeles. totally relevant.

hunger by knut hamsun: i believe this book was originally written in the late sixties and is essentially a biography of a man starving to death in a little swedish town (i think). i read this some time ago and just happened to pick it up after reading junky by william burroughs for the third time. i found them to be very similar and both entirely depressing.

less than zero by bret easton ellis: for the most part, i love all of his books. they're insane and sometimes you have to skip over pages so you don't barf on the bus. this book is nothing like the movie. at all. sometimes books like these make you feel like it would be cool to be a fudged up rich kid with a porche in 1981. this one just makes you want to go to bed and hide.

hand to mouth: a chronicle of early failure by paul auster: the title of this book pretty much says it all. it's depressing because life is hard. especially for people who chose to be artists/writers/musicians. actually i guess it's proof that there really isn't a choice. you either are or you aren't, right?

a prayer for owen meany by john irving: all of his books are amazing and in my opinion this one is by far the best. lil owen meany is a tiny guy who changes the lives of everyone around him. it's bizarre and creepy and made me cry and cry. and i don't cry.

hope you like, even if you get sad. sometimes sad is good. if anyone would be willing to make a list of good/sad music for me, i'd be really psyched.


our good friend chad passed this frickin' gem of a video along to me and i could not resist sharing it with you all. the combo of panther's rad moves, a funny ass song, and a super dope video has me eyeballs deep in a crush right now. he's opening for ratatat at the great american music hall on september 18th.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

an evening of WTF?

on sunday night a few of us headed down to the rickshaw stop in order to "fuck burningman," which is almost so double middle finger central at both fucking the man (at his burning) and then also fucking the fucking of the man (at fucking of fuck burningman). that was a lot of eff words, sorry if you're a kid or if you love jesus or something or if you just didn't follow that at all.

so here's a quick (actually very long) photographic recap that we assume will make you say, "wtf?"

apparently it's entirely acceptable to be passed out at 1am on a couch when you're too young to drive. good thing you've got such loyal and capable friends who can surely see you to safety.

audrey and summer unsuccessfully try to explain to stephanie the concept of girth.

this is one reason why living in san francisco never gets old.

i became very fascinated by this man (i swear) the moment i saw him. he was wearing a first grade teacher's sweater and his mom's glasses. look how good stephanie and audrey are at making it only slightly less obvious that i'm taking pictures of strangers.

here we see mom/19 yr old dude taking a sexy photo of his girlfriend/daughter/sister. teenagers really know how to get sexy. not that i know or anything. oh yeah, and look at stephanie's sweet jacket.

all night i was like, "where are my two friends with brown hair?" and then all of a sudden stephanie makes a weird face and out they come.

this is battle axe. they finished up the night in massive "wtf?" fashion and apparently (sorry, mom) they have too many butts to fuck. and a fan who enjoys lavendar fishnet.

teen beat tuesday: 2006 vmas

hi dudes. i hope you're all feeling way better than i am following what seemed to be the longest weekend in the history of the world. check in shortly for a recap of three uniblogger's evening in purgatory. but now, i must share with you this photo of lou reed and jack white:
holy crap. i've pretty much had a raging female jack white for as long as i can remember. it was sort of heart breaking to be ridiculed by friends as he turned into michael jackson and johnny depp as willy wonka. however, my friends, he's back. look at that haircut! it's perfect. and his outfit? not a tassel in sight and it seems to NOT be made of stretchy microfiber. the arms are still in check and he's not wearing goth make up. my eyes are happy. and look at little lou over there on the left. what a guy!! too bad i watched five minutes of the vmas and became infinitesimally dumber due to an overdose on unfunny jack of a different colored last name.

p.s. on the next two fridays i will be gallivanting around various deserts and won't be here to provide you with my stunning dating-related wisdom. if you'd like to volunteer to take over for a week or two, please let me know. tell me to the best of your ability why you're qualified (unlike me) to speak on behalf of daters worldwide.

p.p.s. big proppers to stephanie for getting me that photo. she's a genius and i can barely turn on a computer.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Tragedy strikes

Today, we lost a man unlike any other.

A fearless warrior.

A Crocodile Hunter.

Farewell, Steve Irwin. You shall be missed by human and beast alike. Fatally stung in the prime of your life. You died doing what you love. But like your own passion, you cannot tame the wild.

STEVE IRWIN 1962-2006

Sunday, September 03, 2006


i heard about these guys awhile back when they went on tour with the two gallants and i still just can't get enough of 'em. they recently signed a record deal with downtown recordings and will be releasing a full length album called "robbers & cowards" on october 10th. you can check out their earlier ep's here.

some songs for ya:
hospital beds
tell me in the morning

Saturday, September 02, 2006


A night out in the Mission is always entertaining. Especially when bars like Dalva play movies like “Superchick.” A 1973 soft core porn about a Tara B. True, a stewardess with a man at every port AND a black belt in karate. I’m sure it’s a terrible film, but when accompanied by loud music and a few vodka sodas, it was strangely intriguing. She’s everything you ever wanted in a woman and more... a lot more.

Friday, September 01, 2006

friday fit club (and dating tip)

today i would like to suggest that you grab your favorite gal or guy pal and plan a healthy day filled with protien shakes (get your mind out of the gutter) and endorphine producing work outs. may i point you in the direction of the chin gym?

the chin gym, as you can see, is a wonderful device that will help remove your double chin and might also make you more successful and ferocious in the make out department. and can't we always use a little assistance there?
open up and say BUFF CHIN!