Spamtastic

No one likes email spam, but I ask you to take a step back to appreciate the fact that the spammers of the world are getting more and more creative. With new security settings and email filters developing every day, spammers are forced to expand their subject lines beyond “Lowest Pre-approved Mortgage!!!” and “Tired of your sexual dysfunction?” to more unexpected phrases to get through to your inbox.

Even still, many emails get thrown straight into the spam folder, which is why I suggest that you take the time to look through it every month or so. You’ll be amazed by the bizarre phrases that spam companies create – are they randomly computer generated? Written by monkeys? Or do they hire recently graduated English majors to sit and concoct the most inappropriate word combinations ever?

Here are just a few of my favorite subject lines that I found in my spam folder this week. Some of them sort of make sense when you think about them long enough.

Bunk bed attract

Aircraft soft

Ingenious statesmanship

Maritime swivel

Groundlessly meager

Flustered placenta

Expectantly housewarming

Hatchet concisely

Sheepishly attack

Woodpecker overhead projector

Libelous mediocrity

I pose a challenge to you, readers: a prize for the first person who can combine these phrases in somewhat logical short story. I will be accepting submissions all week.