Wednesday, January 10, 2007

manscaping: unibloggal speaks out

we recently (like 5 minutes ago) received a request from an anonymous male reader for our collective input on the preferred condition of male nether regions. below you will find a list of quotes from a series of emails on the topic. i have spared my fellow bloggers by keeping them anonymous. seems like no one wants their name attached to a conversation about man private hairs.

uniblogger 1: personally speaking, a man who grooms is a man who's DOOMED. perhaps a little trimming of the shrubs, but a fully scultped lawn like andrew mccartney's character used make in the beginning of mannequin is completely scary to me. any man who puts that much effort into his biznass is just shy of a trannie in my book. same goes with facial hair - if it's too manicured (a la AJ from backstreet boys) then i'm out of the running. not into it. but then again, i like doughy men who have let themselves go slightly with an untamed beard. i like em hairy and somewhere on the evolution chart inbetween ape and man.

uniblogger 2: let's not beat around the bush here. we're talking about manscape architecture! i'm brainstorming....this is a hard one. generally speaking, i'm against manscaping. i like my men to be men. a crew cut makes me think of playing putt-putt or teeing off, which, by the way, is not hot. a bald eagle makes me think of haley joel, which, again, is not hot. that said, i do think men need to be introduced to scissors for the slight, occasional trimming. as an incentive, tell them it adds an inch.

uniblogger 3: i don't mind a trim, in fact i think i prefer it, sometime it can get a little to snake in the grass for my taste, but i do agree that deliberate sculpting of the pubis is just not OK.

uniblogger 4: the truth of the matter is that no one wants a mouth full of muff. male or female. let's keep it clean kids. trimming is great for everyone involved. however, overtrimming to prepubescent status can backfire. first off, that shit is spikey when growing out. also, if you've trimmed your southern region way down to make your wiener look bigger, you're an idiot. we measure with our hands, mouths, etc. NOT our eyeballs. usually.

uniblogger 5: A little trim is a definite benefit, I find bushwhacking not my cup of tea. However, a manicured mangina is unacceptable. I don't think I've ever really encountered one. I would be interested in getting feedback on this topic from the gay community. Do gay men's pubis manicurus strategies differ? I smell a trend piece.

uniblogger 6: i pretty much agree that it is not necessary to dismantle your manhood by removing all evidence of puberty. this goes for the entire body. shaved chests are as gross as fully nude nards. but i'm getting off the topic, when you find a stray dong hair that's as long as one you'd find in your hand after shampooing your hair, it's gross. hair is gross, but it's a necessary evil. however, long and unruly hairs are vomitown. it's worth the effort if you want girl mouth on your you know what.

uniblogger 7: The shorter the hair, the longer your junk looks. If you're little, trim it, it will do wonders. No shaving though, unless you live in Vegas and deal drugs.

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