Friday, January 05, 2007

friday dating tips: getting freaky with your phone

not literally guys, come on.

(stephanie went to lunch, remind me to never try and do that without her.)

there are several things that often happen and many frequent errors/things to avoid when trying to negotiate a booty call via text message. i have tried to illustrate some of these items below.

several things to consider
- often times if you've never hooked up, but have always participated in a mild flirtation, late night and often drunk text messaging is usually the way to break the ice and possibly land yourself in the throws of a late night horizontal dance party.
-there are usually a few assumptions that can be made based on a received text message. for example, if someone asks you at 2am, "where are you?" or "what are you doing?" that means, "wanna do it?" also, if you respond, "sleeping" or "eating pizza" that will imply that you do not want to do it. on the contrary, if you say "i'm druuuuunk. what are you doing?" you DO wanna do it.
- if you do end up hooking up repeatedly while intoxicated and spurred on by the lovely text message, it's not likely that anything other than drunken mouth mashing will ever happen between the two of you. it will always be awkward if you ever actually speak on the phone or if, for example, you're ever seated next to him/her on a 3 hour airline flight.
- late night text messages don't always have to lead to frenching. you could say, "i'll give you $30 to come cuddle with me right now." there's no way to misunderstand that message. and who doesn't like to cuddle?

frequent errors and things to avoid
- don't ever actually talk dirty. the F word is strictly forbidden. however, i was advised by a male friend that it is ok to send photos that are slightly scandalous.
- don't initiate a text message romance with someone who has never given you the time of day in real life. it's really mashy to deny someone via text message. use your sex-dar. ok?
- don't take it to the next level via text. for example, if your partner has been holding out on the mouth sex, and you're really into that, please don't do the text message version of the hand placed firmly on the back of the head while pulling it somewhat forcefully towards your privates.
- it's probably best to either leave pre-dawn or sneak out in the morning while the other person is still asleep. no one wants to discuss brunch over text message, ya know?


comeoncolleen said...

i actually learned something from this! good advice, dawg!

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