Friday, January 12, 2007

Friday Dating Tip (hypothetically speaking)

Let's say, hypothetically, that you keep your condoms in your underwear drawer because it's right next to your bed. And let's say that you also keep your hypothetical vibrator in the same drawer, for the afore mentioned reason. Luckily, if you're like this hypothetical Uniblog-gal, you're smart enough to think about this before your date with a potential bedmate. So before leaving for the hypothetical date, which is a third date, meaning it could likely lead to the bedroom and to the underwear drawer, you stop and make sure that the condoms are in the front part of the drawer, easily accessible, and the vibrator is in the back of the drawer, buried under your granny-panties. Because the last thing you want you new lover to grab, while in the heat of the moment, is your 10" swirly, pink Pearl Rabbit.

Now let's say, hypothetically, that as you're organizing your underwear drawer in the previously mentioned arrangement, you come upon the pamphlet (instruction booklet?) that came with your vibrator. It's still in your underwear drawer because you never read it (what's to read? They're not that hard to figure out). So you remove it from the drawer; no need for extra evidence of the vibrator hidden in there.

Flash forward through your hypothetical dinner, through a few hypothetical cocktails, through flirtations and making out the couch, through seductively leading him into your room and to the point where you're getting hypothetically horizontal in your bed (next to the underwear drawer) when you notice something lying there, next to your hypothetical heads.

And herein lies the hypothetical dating tip: if you don't want him to know about the vibrator, DON'T LEAVE THE FULL-COLOR, SIX-PAGE PAMPHLET ON TOP OF YOUR DRESSER!

7 comments:

New Agey No Friends said...

hypothetically speaking was this a deal breaker??? because if it was he's, hypothetically speaking, gay.

billy said...

oh.
my.
lord.

Anonymous said...

i think it's safe to say that 99% of my female friends own vibrators. am i incorrect in thinking that most guys are aware of this by now?

Anonymous said...

another hypothetically embarassing situation would be to come home and have your roommate/bff/lover ask what's making all that ruckus in your bedroom and to find out that your vibrator had turned itself on and was knocking around inside your drawer like woody the woodpecker! now, imagine this happening THREE TIMES! you might not want to keep that vibrator anymore. hypothetically speaking, of course.

scarlet(johansen)fever6969 said...

i think you just guaranteed yourself a fourth date.

Anonymous said...

next time leave your vibrator in your bed and see what happens.

stefflez said...

i'm in agreeance with scarlet sixtyneiner. i've never known a fella to be turned OFF by learning that a lady has a vibrator. good luck on date four!