friday dating tip: totally cheating!

no, today's tip is not going to advise you on how to best annihilate the balls of or titty twist the hell out of a cheating male or female mate. in today's dating tip, i will show you how to cheat your way into being a uniblogger. you see, i have a job. i know, shocking! and as of late, i've actually been quite busy. so busy that i've had very little time to give a flying eff about you and your miserable lack of dating skills. so, this week, i'm actually stealing the thoughts of two of my female friends who apparently have NOTHING to do but IM each other all day. i cannot vouch for their skills, but i'm going to steal them anyway. here are ten things NOT to do on a first date, especially if you're a man. i mean, can you imagine?

1. cry
2. mention your therapist
3. spiral into a jealous rage at dinner and throw you drink in the waitresses face screaming "you whore" when she asks your date if he's all through with his/her food
4. wear a padded bra - don't set the expectations too high
5. don't bring him/her to a party at your friend's and point out everyone you've slept with there
6. tell him/her you shaved your legs just for this occasion
7. bring him/her to a madrone night. gotta work up to sloppiness.
8. discuss your IBS extensively when deciding what to order
9. have bad breath. don't drink a cup of coffee, eat a tuna fish sandwich, and smoke a cig
10. order dessert and then talk about how fat you are and how much you are going to have to work out the next day to burn the calories from dinner

THANKS, LADIES!