Work Holiday Party Aftermath

You know the girl in your office who doesn't speak and you really aren't even sure if she has teeth and then all of a sudden you have your holiday work party and that girl is dancing on the bar with her shirt off and frenching tony from accounting? Well, folks, I'm that girl. But instead of dancing on the bar, I was wrestled to the ground and instead of taking my shirt off I had a bloody nose after face planting into the bar that filled up two dishrags. Oh, and it wasn't tony from accounting, but it was the audio guy and rohit gave me a motherload of a hickey. Yeah.

Okay, the party started at 2pm (first mistake) at dave and busters - I know, it's douche central, but so fun. I can't turn down skeeball. Ever. Or air hockey. But this is the result of my air hockey game:


Okay, time to go home and do a wardrobe change (only cause if I didn't, I would have been wearing a loin cloth by the end of the night).

Onto party number two - lameo. Seriously, one co-worker told me about how she used to be obese and how when she lost all the weight she had what she described as a "mudflap", and honestly, I couldn't handle that shit. So…onto party number three (mistake #45 by this point). That's where I talked to my boss for over an hour about how I don't really want to work in television (how do I still have a job today?) and about being single - it was like pillow talk! I don't think I let him get a word in. I surely didn't ask one question - just flapped my gums till finally it was time to put a lid on it. He politely excused himself.

So I moved down the bar to the audio guy who is so cute, but lord, he had the world's ugliest shirt in the world on. I tried to take it off and I believe I asked him what he was thinking when he put that on, but boy oh boy, retardo. So he starts doing all this dirty talk 101 to me (which is not hot, by the way), "touch my dick, it's huge. Is your pussy wet?" I was like enough with the skinemax bullshit, lets makeout. So we did. In front of everyone. Yep. It was rough. Dear lord - that was me. I'm that guy.

Then that's over and I go and decide to wrestle with brynn. She's a scrappy gal and had me on the floor in a matter of seconds. Well, face first - hard floor - broken nose. No, not actually broken but when I say blood, I mean probably a gallon of blood came out. Pouring. Like someone just turned on the faucet. You would think that once you start bleeding, it's time to go home. No. I'm not even close to being that rational.

Head over to see my friend and we decide to give each other hickeys. Not make out. Just neck. He's indian so I didn't make much of a mark, but hot damn! I have a full on placemat of a hickey on my neck. I think I tried to make out with him by showering him with compliments, "you are my number two crush in the office". Yeah, number two. I'm a total sweetheart.

And I'm back in the office today. I feel like a racehorse with a broken leg. I'm useless and my time is limited. Someone needs to put me down. A racehorse with a broken leg and swollen nose. Ouch.