D.I.Y

tonight i'm going on a date with a fine fella and have been compiling some great dating advice from some special pals, both male and female. since erin's tips don't come out til fridays, my favorite so far comes from my sweet manpal who once told me the best thing i can do on a date is take my shirt off myself. his name's larry the iguana. you guys don't know him.

"I think that you're supposed to take your own shirt off during the first makeout session. Sounds like you missed that opportunity, but #2 will suffice. Here's some further guidance:

(Scene: in car, at night, yellow light from lamppost outside casting revealing shadows through steamed windows as a young couple (is 36 still "young?") smear their lips and tongues against each other)
GIRL (pulling back): I want to show you something
GUY (inquisitive): What is it?
GIRL (putting her finger against his lips, slurring slightly): Shhhhhhh (fumbles with buttons on her blouse)
GUY FURROWS EYEBROWS IN A CONCENTRATING AND CURIOUS WAY
GIRL REMOVES SHIRT CLUMSILY, THROWS SHIRT AND BRA INTO BACK SEAT
GIRL: Suck on 'em

See? It's foolproof. Have fun tomorrow night!"