More office party lore

Okay, you wanna talk office holiday parties?? We'll talk office holiday parties. Actually, I can't say too much about mine because my memory fades sometime after the third hour of the open bar. But I did get some strange looks the next day. And more than one coworker came up to me and asked "Are you really in a band called 'Chosen Pussy'?" "Um, no. That must've been a different drunk freelancer with her tights on her head."

However, I can talk about the Fake Office Holiday Party by Metro Metro that I went to on Wednesday. The one where everyone pretended to be a typical employee. Characters included:

Condescending IT Guy
Loud Talking HR Person Who Knows Your Personal Info
Guy who "knows" Photoshop from a 2-Hour Class
"Technically, That's Illegal"
Lunchtime Yoga Group Member
"Wait to You Hear How Smart My Baby Is"
The Gay Guy
"I Swear I'm Not Gay"
"This Is Just a Day Job, I'm in a Band"
Smells of Cat
"Well, This Isn't How We Did It In the Marines"
Office Virgin
"I'm Not Racist, But"
“Want to Read My Poetry?”
Inappropriately Dressed
One of the Four People Nobody Can Tell Apart
"Buy My Kids' Cookies"

If you’ve worked in an office, I know you know all those people. The winner of the night, or course, was “Office Whore” but only because she blew everyone in the bathroom. Cheater.