Friday, March 16, 2007

friday dating tip: disney dongs

in the spirit of posts past, this week's friday post isn't so much a specific dating tip, but a list of wtfs related to private parts, which are crucial components of dating. what's a date without some privates, ya know? some people would even assert that disneyland is a crucial part of dating, namely me when i was seventeen. back then we called the people mover the people maker and we had many maneuvers intended to get to second base on the haunted mansion.

last night while celebrating the 30 year anniversary of a certain pal's birth, a bunch of us females gathered for wine chugging and shit talking. as a result, we realized that privates and disneyland have a lot more in common that one might instantly assume. (you fellas might not want to read this part because i'm going to get candid about how girls talk when you're not around.) you see, one girl friend had sexy times with a male and she exclaimed, "let's just say it was no mister toad's wild ride!"

to that, another girlfriend rebutted, "it was more like it's a small world!"

then, we realized that disneyland has a veritable cornucopia of private part related coincidences. for example, big thunder mountain:

it draws an obvious connection to mind blowing stranger sex. like you get on a ride that looks fairly harmless, kids are present, there is a mining theme, all is well...until you take off and your shaken about and repeatedly jarred against your seat until the ride abruptly stops. for some reason you want to ride it again but the line is just too long.

then you have the matterhorn which is akin to european bobsled sex.

i don't exactly know what that is but i believe it would be with someone like thor in adventures in babysitting and maybe would happen while on a backpacking trip. there might be some unmentionable ponytail or male belly button ring involved. it would be a story you'd accidentally tell your children after too many sea breezes at a birthday party. do you know what i mean?

and lastly, we have the log jammer:

the look of abundant ecstacy on the faces of these log riders is overt. the name of the ride implies log jamming. if i have to explain this, you need to go somewhere else. but really, a log jammer? i mean, ew. but also, yay. oh, and they take your picture during the climax of this ride. need i say more? and i know that the log jammer is at six flags and the disneyland version includes reference to the song of the south and is actually called splash mountain, but i don't care.



laurin said...

pure brilliance!

Cristy said...

what about space mountain, where you shoot on a long rocket into the deep, dark caverns of the universe?