Happy Birthday Johnny’s Butt

This year marks the 20th anniversary of the release of the Best Movie Ever. This movie, though it pretty much goes without saying, is Dirty Dancing. In celebration of it’s 20th birthday, I watched this brilliant film outdoors on a lovely New York night next to the Hudson River with hundreds of other fans that love it just as much, well, almost as much, as I do.

This movie has spent two decades teaching young girls that you CAN change the world. If you speak up for yourself, you CAN make a difference. And, if you work really hard, practicing your dance steps day and night, you CAN hump the hot summer camp dance instructor from the wrong side of the tracks.

This last message is the one that spoke most strongly to me as an impressionable youth. And I think it had very much to do with this scene. I don’t know if I can go as far saying that this brief, blink-and-you-miss-it shot inspired my sexual awakening. But it came pretty damn close. And before you watch this masterpiece that I just spent a better part of my morning creating, let me be the first to say: yes, I’m a dork, and yes, I really need to get a job. Enjoy…

when art and advertising intersect

Highly acclaimed director Nagi Noda is known for her whimsical eye and is the creative genius behind many fantasy laden art and video projects. Her most notable works include the short film Fitness Video and music videos for artists such as the Scissors Sisters: "She's My Man", Tiga: "Far from Home", and the brillant Yuki: "Sentimental Journey" video that inspired Noda's latest work--a commercial for Coke featuring music by Unibloggal heartthrob Jack White. For the most part I hate ads which is why I praise my DVR up and down every night, but if I have to be subjected to the art of marketing, I at least appreciate when its artful.

word

wowser \WOW-zer\ noun, chiefly Australian
: an obtrusively puritanical person

my lip gloss be cool, my lip gloss be poppin'

Ok, I realize Unibloggal is video heavy this week, but deal with it people. I have to share this video by Lil' Mama with you because incorporates a few of my favorite things:

1. lipgloss
2. clapping
3. hip-hop dancing in the halls of high school
4. cute teenage boys (come to Big Mama)

nugget of the week: george mcgovern

I love a man that stands up for what he believes--especially if those beliefs are progressive, truly democratic, values--while telling Satan (aka Dick Cheney) to shove it up his cold-hearted ass.

res ipsa loquitur

Right now he's probably slow dancing with a bleach blonde tramp
And she's probably getting frisky
Right now he's probably buying her some fruity little drink
Cause she can't shoot whiskey
Right now he's probably up behind her with a pool-stick
Showing her how to shoot a combo
And he don't know
That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up four wheel drive
Carved my name into his leather seats
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights
Slashed a hole in all four tires
Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats
Right now she's probably up singing somewhite-trash version of Shania karaoke
Right now she's probably saying "I'm drunk"
And he's a thinking that he's gonna get lucky
Right now he's probably dabbing on 3 dollars worth of that bathroom polo
And he don't know
That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up four wheel drive
Carved my name into his leather seats
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights
Slashed a hole in all four tires
Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.

support the troops y'all

I love a good song parody, especially one that pokes fun at country music and celebrates the best gift a woman can give the troops when they return home from war...her poonan. "Let's get freaky like in Abu Ghraib."

thoughts please...

can the unibloggal readership please weigh in on this newish resurrected trend of the super high waisted jeans?
if the above chicks can't pull it off i'm not certain who can. maybe mischa's just need to be a lil tighter? i dunno... the inevitable mom butt/long crotch frightens me too much. this is sure to be a trend that dudes hate, but i'm interested to see a pic of someone rockin' them right. i'm sure it can be done. bring it!

teen beat tuesday: i'm a douche

i am a complete a-hole for posting this, but i haven't posted anything in like two weeks, so here i am, a little rusty, but here indeed. this is travis mccoy from some douche crew called the gym class heroes. last week when i was on vacation, i ended up watching mtv and becoming exposed to some seriously scary stuff (see below). from what i was able to gather from the video and my 2 minutes of google searching this morning, the gym class heroes are some kind of fall out boy, myspace (they apparently have a record called "new friend request" holy shit) popularized rap slash emo punk tattoo slash hip hop slash skate board posse of nerds with this hottish guy, travis, at the front of them. the ugly singer of fall out boy who is always overshadowed by the "hot" lindsey lohan laying pete wentz is in their video. all of this babble is trying to distract you from recognizing the fact that i think this guy is totally hot. he's kind of like if travis barker (who is barfy) had a baby with pharell williams or something. i'm into it. sue me. hard.

420

i just went to post today's teen beat tuesday and found out that our 420th post was posted on friday, april 20. i just wanted to take this opportunity to recognize who chronic-y unibloggal is. unfortunately, that 420th post was deleted by the author, so here yo go, the actual 420th post.

ahh, cable news

I usually don’t watch CNN unless I’m drunk and feel like making fun of Nancy Grace. But last night, I tuned into Anderson Cooper 360 and caught a classic two-minute exchange, exposing the sensationalism, irresponsibility and hypocrisy of popular news media. I couldn’t find a clip on youtube or CNN, so you’ll have to bear with me….

I’m going to insert my blue commentary into the transcript.
____________________

COOPER: Greg, who is the "you" he's referring to? Is it just society as a whole?

GREGG MCCRARY, FORMER FBI PROFILER [McCrary is shown in one of those itty bitty pundit boxes in the corner of the television screen, all the while violent images of Cho are flashing on the screen in quick succession]: Yes, whoever he has perceived has wronged him. I would like to make a point about this, because there's a problem. And I'm concerned about the copycat factor…. My concern is by repeatedly playing these videos and showing these photos over and over again, we're energizing some other killer out there, somebody who is on the edge, who is on the verge, and sees this as a way to go. Just as this guy identified with the Columbine shooters, somebody's going to identify with this guy. And I think it's -- the responsible thing to do is to back off on showing these videos and these pictures. [Um, the images are still flashing]. You can certainly report the story and that needs to be done, but I think the danger here is that we're energizing some other killer and that we may have some other events that follow in the wake of this.

COOPER [Cooper is now in the itty bitty box, obviously uneasy because, guess what, the images are still flashing]: Well, Kris, Gregg raises an excellent point and one that we've debated a lot here. In the video he also references Dylan Klebold, as if he learned lessons from watching what happened in Columbine. [Images stop, Cooper is in full screen, *snap]. And he talks about -- Cho, talks about himself inspiring future generations of people to do similar acts.
____________________

Don't worry, 30 seconds later, Cooper thanked McCrary for being on the air and cued CNN to BEGIN VIDEOTAPE.

vadge of honor

today, laurin informed me that I have the gayest netflix queue ever. i’m sorry, but these are all spike tv classics!

Postcards from the Edge
The Secret
1 The Nazis: A Warning from History: Disc 1
2 Jane Eyre
3 Fur
4 Slavery & the Making of America: Disc 1
5 Searching for Debra Winger
6 Talk to her
8 A Passage to India
9 Murder, She Wrote: Season 1: Disc 1
10 Fat Girl

major dogpound, straight cinema props also go out to: (17) The Eyes of Tammy Faye; (18) Sophie's Choice; and (28) Legal Eagles.

Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters: The Frightening New Normalcy of Hating Your Body

Hey ya'll,
Check out this new book, Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters: The Frightening New Normalcy of Hating Your Body by Courtney E. Martin who is a dear friend of unibloggal sweet pal, newageynofriends.

"Filled with information from expert psychologists and hundreds of interviews with women with eating disorders, Courtney E. Martin's Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters is a wake-up call to women of all ages and races to recognize the epidemic of eating disorders and what it's doing to them, their daughters, friends, and relatives. Courtney Martin argues passionately that women must commit themselves to developing new attitudes about their bodies, and redirect the negative energy they spend on denying themselves contentment in order to become re-engaged with the possibilities of a better life. "

It's getting some great reviews and is certain to include some valuable reminders for us all.

"I'm the mother of two teenage girls, so Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters hit me like a hardcover punch in the gut. Courtney E. Martin sounds a clarion call for all of us—mothers, daughters, pundits—to stop counting calories and start changing the world."
—Arianna Huffington

learn more about it here!
and buy it here!

douchebag & nugget of the week: o'hare airport/united airlines & matt

DBOTW: O'hare Airport & United Airlines

After an extremely fun vacay to Chicago this past weekend several unibloggers and their friends were excited to come home and get some sleep before the monday blues hit. Most of us returned without a hitch, but fair uniblogget Erin got the runaround from United Airlines.

"i checked in, went to see if i could get an upgraded seat that i paid for but my flight that was cancelled. i had a boarding pass for the new flight, but the lady at the customer service desk said i wasn't actually booked on that flight. then some dude asked me what flight i just got on and i told him to san jose. 2 minutes before they told him it was full. we all get on and there are like 15 empty seats. it's awesome! oh and at o'hare their loudspeaker was broken at my counter so they just failed to announce that they were boarding..oh and they boarded 40 minutes earlier than they said they were going to. rad!"


NOTW: Matt

He wins the prize for renting a car, driving all the way down to San Jose last night to pick his woman up. You're the best little nugget we know!!!

Girl boner of the day

I have mad love for a man in a three piece suit and I have even more love for Mr. Adam Brody. I will no doubt be seeing his new film In the Land of Women when it opens this weekend. Yuuuuuuumy!

it's monday...i need a laugh

There is a god

This happens a few times in everyone's life. You'll hear a bit of news. A little nugget of information. And you suddenly know that your life is about to get a whole lot better.

Here's an excerpt from the Hollywood Reporter article my friend, Azalea forwarded me yesterday (the subject of the email being "It's so beautiful, I almost want to cry.")

"Reunited: The Real World" will reunite the original cast of "The Real World: Las Vegas" in their former home -- the "Real World" suite at the Palms Casino Resort -- to see what has happened in the five years since the seven cast members lived together and to document what happens when they reunite."

I have two words for those of you that don't have MTV: get it.

Blerds

I saw these guys do stand up last night at and I was literally Ling O L. Watch my favorite video by T.J. Miller: “I think women are intimidated by me because I know so much about giraffes.”

And this one, entitled “Niketown” by Kyle Kinane:



Funny guys are hot.

Room Service

“Hello, I’d like to order room service please.”
“I’m sorry Ma’am, our phone line says you’re calling from outside the hotel.”
“Yes, well, I live around the corner. But I’m in really bad need of some Eggs Benedict.”
“We only deliver room service to guests in our rooms, ma’am.”
“Do you see how hard it’s raining outside?”
“Yes, but…”
“And do you understand how hungover I am? And how cozy my bed is? And how desperately I need eggs? And a latte please.”
“Ma’am, I’m sorry. We cannot deliver outside the hotel.”
“I’ll tip real big.”
“No.”
“This is the worst service ever. I’m never staying in your hotel again… er… for the first time. Ever.”

I Love my Girlfriend SOOOO Much, I Made My Toe Nails Into a Gift! (foster city)

"Love Bug, I love you!"
this was found on craigs list and i want to puke.

wednesday dating tip: status check

i found these people online when i googled "myspace relationship status." they look like they probably brother and sister. if that's not the case, they probably met on myspace and their entire relationship can likely be tracked via their blogs, friend comments ("oh my god, you guys are the cutest couple."), photo comments ("brianne, where did brad get his shearling jacket? omg, you're hawt.") if you were in search of an easy way to decipher whether or not either of these two babes are on the market, you might go to the relationship status portion of one's general myspace profile. however, you might need to think further about this for a few reasons.

apparently, there is some debate on how long after you start boning someone you should change your relationship status to in a relationship. if you're in that awkward period where neither of you is sticking it in or getting stuck by another person, but you are trying to act cool and unattached, you might just want to go with the swinger label. this implies that you and your sometime make out partner also make out with other couples and stuff. that's so punk.

i've also heard some chatter about protocol following the demise of a relationship. is it insensitive if you just switch it to single the minute your girlfriend drives away in tears blasting "you say" by lisa loeb from the speakers of her 1989 honda accord? maybe. if you'd rather spare some feelings divorced which would imply that you're heart broken and totally off limites to all of the hos who've been trying to bang you since you got that girlfriend.

or if you are in a relationship and your girl/boyfriend doesn't have a myspace account, you can keep it on single forever, continuously trolling the internet for other people to have cyber sex with...you know who you are.

EDIT: i just realized an important omission (thanks, nanf). i'm so dumb, brianne and brad are totally married, as they're clearly so into one another that they're practically married. like to the core. if they weren't in 11th grade, they'd move in together and then she'll put her name thing "future mrs. brad awesome." this could be confusing to someone who hadn't been paying close attention to the evolving story of love she's been telling by changing her main photo every day. is she really married or just madly in retarded love?

(tomorrow i'm going on vacation, that's why you're getting your "tip" early...miss me!)

teen beat tuesday: i need a hero

most people on earth are obsessed with heroes. i have a strict rule against super hero comic book crap, but after 7 weeks of being ignored by my friends on monday nights, i decided to get into it. thankfully i have a boyfriend who knows how to work a computer because he was able to download all of the episodes for me and now i'm caught up. i am obsessed and also majorly interested in the man above. his name is Milo Ventimiglia, also known as Peter Petrelli. apparently they're hiding all of these hot nuggets on lame ass tv shows all over the place, because milo (cute name) used to be on the gilmore girls (and jason greenburg was on one tree hill). he has really hot hair in this picture. if you can pull it off, i highly recommend that every dude get hair like this. it's babe-o-thonic, in my book. and if you're not into the grubby hot longish hair, you can look at his brother, nathan petrelli who is a corrupt assy senator who is really hot in an expensive suit kind of way, see:

plus, nathan petrelli was in top gun. yeee haww, jester's dead.

this lil' nugget will throw down!

(thanks juany dingdong!)

proof that homosexuality is genetic...and adorable

His moves remind of another tiny dancer I know.

friday dating tip: dear diary

remember a few months ago when i suggested that you all take a rainy day date? well it turned out that that night wasn't at all rainy. this weekend is kind of rainy. and remember on tuesday when i exposed you the kind of weekend i (we) recently had? a weekend like that means i (you) deserve a break. and remember a bit longer ago than either of these suggestions, i asked that you just chill out with yourself?

taking a few pointers from all of these thoughts, i suggest that you just refrain from interacting with your sex of choice. or if you do so, act like teenagers. share with one another your high school diaries (i did this last night with the person (not simon) who shares my bed), it's a great insight into the TRUE person you're dating or want to date. if they let you read it, you're really catching a glimpse of how they were before adulthood beat them down with a harsh and mature stick. if you were my dude (sorry, matt), you would have learned, for example, that i used to talk to "the lord" in between describing how badly i wanted to pierce my tongue and how much i kmarted (code word for drinking in case my mom got a hold of the diary). or that i was kind of a kissing bandit. the good news is, if you share your diary and the person stays the night in your bed, you have a keeper.

the bad news is, they'll know you talked to god and that your aversion to exercise and being responsible is likely hereditary because you've always been that way.

Douchebag of the Week: Nell

This week I'm going all retro on your ass and calling douchebagdome on the movie Nell. This movie is hilarious, insulting, ridiculous, painful, crazy, and about five other adjectives I'm too lazy to type. It has made for many a comical nights between me and fellow uniblogger, Billy, as we would act out various scenes and most especially "TAY IN THE WIIIIIIIIIND." (Fast forward to 2:55 and you'll see what I mean.) This video is crazy long but worth if for some serious Nell action.

Brilliant Guerilla Marketing or Sad Comment on STD Pervasiveness?

An intrepid Unibloggal friend sends this photo taken at the BART station. He says "If this is the marketing work of a safe-sex organization, it's truly award-worthy. Condoms will be bought on the way home from work today."

t.a. meetings: my name is erin

hello.

this is my first time attending a meeting for televisionaholics anonymous. this television season my case has gone from almost non existent to fully on depressing. except for fridays, i have shows to which i am addicted on every single night/day of the week. the fact that i don't have cable makes this far more impressive because i can't tivo or expand my horizons beyond channels 2-11. how awful for me. i am going to clear the air by presenting you with my highly awful tv watching scheudle. please come forward if you share any of my issues.

sunday:

nbc - deal or no deal (I CAN'T HELP IT)

monday:

nbc - deal or no deal

abc - dancing with the stars (i flip back and forth for 2 hours)

as of april 23 - heroes

tuesday:

fox - american idol

abc - dancing with the stars results show

wednesday:

cw - top model

fox - american idol results show

abc - lost

thursday:

abc - grey's anatomy and october road

friday: jager shots

saturday:

kqed - ghetto cooking shows for like 5 hours

abc - nba on abc

if i had cable i would be addicted to: what not to wear, iron chef america, top chef and project runway. booya.

"these are a few of my favorite things"

T-shirts dedicated to Sanjaya's hair and lack of talent:


Bob Ice - WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!


The Name that Hair Metal Band game! Holla!


thanks stereogum for all of these gems.

Nugget of the week: Timbaland

Timbaland is one of the most influential producers in recent history and is the mastermind behind many-a-hits I and the "unitards" have dropped it to. This week Timbaland stepped out from behind the mixing board and released his first solo album, Shock Value. Its getting its fair share of criticism from the musical "powers that be," but I don't really care to delve too deep into the psychology of the man behind the music. I just love myself a vapid club banger, especially if it helps me forget that I'm on a elliptical machine and I want to kill myself that its only been 6 minutes and 24 seconds since I got on the damn thing. "Give It To Me" will likely be in heavy rotation on my ipod whilst sweating away. Honorable mention goes to Nelly Furtado and eternal nugget Justin Timberlake for their contributions to the song.

One caveat: Although I have mad love for Timbaland...I'm not sure I love the fact that most of the song disses another musical nugget, Prince. You can't win them all though, so I guess I'm going to look past that for now.

BLU DOT DESKTOP CLOCK

Check out this sweet desktop clock download from the blu dot website!
"Taking the form of a one-inch square on your computer desktop, the Blu Dot Desktop Clock displays a different image for every minute of the day—720 in all. A mono (hot linked) creation."

teen beat tuesday: the men of santa rosa

this past weekend a gaggle of ladies, including four unitards (our new name), went on a retreat to rest, become rejuvinated, hydrated, do some meditation and commune with nature. somewhere along the line we became distracted, filled with sausage (chicken, veggie and beef) and i ended up barfing freeway-side. stuff happens. namely, stuff happens at a HAPPENING joint in santa rosa called rita's. it is a nice place next to quiznos and safeway where you can get pork chow mein and do karaoke after hours with amputees and pregnant ladies, as well as with these fine gentlemen:

this is dog the bounty hunger. i think he had a homemade tattoo on his arm which is a straight shot from tina's tongue if you're paying attention. he was muscley and angry looking.

i think i went to high school with this guy. and back then i probably would have dated him. these days his kind is either like my dad's age or 10 years younger than me but they both have a thing for baseball hats, brewskis, bbqs and big trucks.

this is mike. his belt cell phone, light washed jeans and swively dance moves would have made me presume that he wouldn't have been so confident in his ability to entice women. i was wrong. i bet mike does well at wedding receptions.

i actually have no idea what this guy looks like, but how awesome is heather? (and that rad half column propping the stage?)

and the final shot of magic is keith shown here with summer. he looked like he was going to poo his (leather) drawers when 11 girls walked into the bar. he wasn't divorced from any of us, none of us had ever thrown a drink on him, we were new. and he was satisfied. then i borrowed his shirt.

honorable mentions (only because i was too wasted to take photos) were the hessian in the spin doctors shirt with one fake leg and the scary looking man with questionable racial politics.

america's moral crisis demands return of 8th and ocean!

now more than ever, america, we need 8th and ocean to come back on the air. irene marie for president!

irene marie is concerned about the issues:


irene marie reaches out to high-risk youth:


irene marie protests conflict diamonds:

and finally, irene marie gives us vinci:

MEANEST MAN CONTEST in SF next wednesday!!

that's right folks. our favorite pals of meanest man contest are treating us all to a show at the makeout room next wednesday, april 11th! come support the fellas and enjoy some additional tunes courtesy of languis and roman ruins.
more details are right here

Never sleep late again

I don't know about you all, but I have serious issues with waking up on time. I've been known to wake up at 11, when I was meant to be at work at 10. It's a miracle I have a job at all. Oh no wait, I don't.

But I've finally found the solution to all my oversleeping problems: the new SnūzNLūz from the genuises at ThinkGeek. What gets you out of be faster than knowing that if you don't wake up, you're personally supporting the republican party? Let me explain by plagerizing their website:

"The SnūzNLūz uses the very complex psychological phenomemon known as 'HATRED'. Basically it's human nature to wish harm upon your enemies. Similarly, it's human nature not to give your enemies gobs of cash so that they can grow big and dominate the world with their totally wrong, stupid and invalid point of view. ThinkGeek realized that. That's why everytime you hit the snooze button, the SnūzNLūz will donate a specified amount of your real money to a non-profit you hate."

isn't it ironic

EDIT: i just actually listened to this (i didn't have my headphones handy before) and now my ears are bleeding and i hate it.

dontcha think?

(alanis has a bod, who knew!?)

gross abbrevs

not all abbreviations are created equal! in close consultation with the unibloggal family, i have compiled a list of abbreviations that should be banned from use in real conversation,* first amendment concerns aside.

the criteria:

(1) ICKINESS – the abbreviation makes a perfectly good word into something icky;

(2) LAZINESS – the abbreviation underscores the speaker’s sheer laziness to utter one or two more syllables; and/or

(3) WTF-NESS – the abbreviation makes no sense in that it does not remove the end of a longer word (apocopation), remove the beginning part of a word (aphaeresis), remove the middle part of a word (syncope), or fuse two or more words together (portmanteau).

illegal abbreviations:

PARM for parmesan, as in “I had chicken parm last night.” = (1) ick

GUAC for guacamole, as in “Can I have a side of guac with my parm?” = (1) ew

CAB for cabernet, as in “Call me a cab -- a cabernet that is.” = (2) you're a douche.

REZZY/RESIE for reservation, as in “I just got a rezzy at Supercuts.” = (1) ick; and (2) go that extra mile, make that -zee into a –zer, and add a –vation, thanks.

FRISCO for san francisco = (1) ew

NATCH for naturally, as in “Did I get laid? Natch!” = (1) and (2)

BRAH for brother or brotha or bro = (1) and (2)

SAMMIE for sandwich = (1), (2) and (3)

ABBREV for abbreviation = (2) abbreviating abbreviation?! no.

honorable mention:

POON for poontang ≠ (1) poontang (for some) is already a gross word, so the abbreviation merely highlights the original word’s ickiness.

FAN-TAB for fantabulous ≠ (1) fantabulous is illegal, so its abbreviation is as well.


* stephanie has created an exception for online communications.