gross abbrevs

not all abbreviations are created equal! in close consultation with the unibloggal family, i have compiled a list of abbreviations that should be banned from use in real conversation,* first amendment concerns aside.

the criteria:

(1) ICKINESS – the abbreviation makes a perfectly good word into something icky;

(2) LAZINESS – the abbreviation underscores the speaker’s sheer laziness to utter one or two more syllables; and/or

(3) WTF-NESS – the abbreviation makes no sense in that it does not remove the end of a longer word (apocopation), remove the beginning part of a word (aphaeresis), remove the middle part of a word (syncope), or fuse two or more words together (portmanteau).

illegal abbreviations:

PARM for parmesan, as in “I had chicken parm last night.” = (1) ick

GUAC for guacamole, as in “Can I have a side of guac with my parm?” = (1) ew

CAB for cabernet, as in “Call me a cab -- a cabernet that is.” = (2) you're a douche.

REZZY/RESIE for reservation, as in “I just got a rezzy at Supercuts.” = (1) ick; and (2) go that extra mile, make that -zee into a –zer, and add a –vation, thanks.

FRISCO for san francisco = (1) ew

NATCH for naturally, as in “Did I get laid? Natch!” = (1) and (2)

BRAH for brother or brotha or bro = (1) and (2)

SAMMIE for sandwich = (1), (2) and (3)

ABBREV for abbreviation = (2) abbreviating abbreviation?! no.

honorable mention:

POON for poontang ≠ (1) poontang (for some) is already a gross word, so the abbreviation merely highlights the original word’s ickiness.

FAN-TAB for fantabulous ≠ (1) fantabulous is illegal, so its abbreviation is as well.


* stephanie has created an exception for online communications.