Wednesday, April 11, 2007

wednesday dating tip: status check

i found these people online when i googled "myspace relationship status." they look like they probably brother and sister. if that's not the case, they probably met on myspace and their entire relationship can likely be tracked via their blogs, friend comments ("oh my god, you guys are the cutest couple."), photo comments ("brianne, where did brad get his shearling jacket? omg, you're hawt.") if you were in search of an easy way to decipher whether or not either of these two babes are on the market, you might go to the relationship status portion of one's general myspace profile. however, you might need to think further about this for a few reasons.

apparently, there is some debate on how long after you start boning someone you should change your relationship status to in a relationship. if you're in that awkward period where neither of you is sticking it in or getting stuck by another person, but you are trying to act cool and unattached, you might just want to go with the swinger label. this implies that you and your sometime make out partner also make out with other couples and stuff. that's so punk.

i've also heard some chatter about protocol following the demise of a relationship. is it insensitive if you just switch it to single the minute your girlfriend drives away in tears blasting "you say" by lisa loeb from the speakers of her 1989 honda accord? maybe. if you'd rather spare some feelings divorced which would imply that you're heart broken and totally off limites to all of the hos who've been trying to bang you since you got that girlfriend.

or if you are in a relationship and your girl/boyfriend doesn't have a myspace account, you can keep it on single forever, continuously trolling the internet for other people to have cyber sex know who you are.

EDIT: i just realized an important omission (thanks, nanf). i'm so dumb, brianne and brad are totally married, as they're clearly so into one another that they're practically married. like to the core. if they weren't in 11th grade, they'd move in together and then she'll put her name thing "future mrs. brad awesome." this could be confusing to someone who hadn't been paying close attention to the evolving story of love she's been telling by changing her main photo every day. is she really married or just madly in retarded love?

(tomorrow i'm going on vacation, that's why you're getting your "tip" early...miss me!)

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