Synthface + Quarterbar tomorrow night!!

Come out tomorrow night and check out Synthface put on a seriously fun show with a DJ set from our special homey Quarterbar!!

This all goes down at Hotel Utah and will cost you $7.

See ya there!

Four Short Crushes

This short story by Paul Simms appeared in the New Yorker about a month ago. But I've been thinking about it and rereading it ever since. And I laugh every time. This, to me, is the measure of a great story. A five-star story. It makes me happy for two reasons, 1. That guys actually think like this too, and 2. That I have a new author to aspire to emulate.

Following is a short clip, read the whole story here. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Just look at you, walking into this dreary bar and lighting the place up like the noonday sun at midnight, twirling a lock of your long auburn hair pensively as you search the room—for what?

For a soul mate, perhaps?

(I know, I know—I hate that phrase, too. Maybe that will end up being one of those things we both hate.) Maybe a few weeks from now, lying in your bed on a Sunday morning, I’ll ask you, “What’s your least favorite word or phrase?,” and you’ll say, “ ‘Soul mate,’ ” and I’ll laugh till you say, “What? Tell me!,” and I’ll tell you how I knew that from the moment I first laid eyes on you, and then we’ll have sex again.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. You haven’t even noticed me yet. That’s O.K. I can wait.

Waste time at work!

Here are two videos that have crossed my path the past few days and I felt our unibloggal readership (all 12 of you) would appreciate. First up, my main man Eddie Vedder. I've had a crush on Eddie since I was 14. My mom almost made me take down the sign I had hanging in my room "Eddie Vedder is a god" because she thought it was sacrilegious. Gotta love those teen years. Anyway, Eddie is famous for poorly annunciating almost every single Pearl Jam song, and there is no better example of this then Yellow Ledbetter. One Pearl Jam fan decided to get down to the bottom of the lyrical confusion and posted this little ditty on YouTube.



The second time suck for you to enjoy is a little 80s fashion show hosted by the incomparable Mr. T. These fashion mavens have some sweet threads and pretty much look exactly like every single hiptard showcased on Blue States Lose each Friday. My how times have NOT changed. It time for a new trend people.

nba, man child vs. turtle head.

i'm sorry for occasionally getting jocky on you. last night i discovered the only reason i can find to actually go to the gym. they have tv there. i don't have cable and subsequently stop giving a crap about the nba playoffs unless i'm in a bar that has a game on. i used to be obsessed when i lived in LA, when the lakers were good and when i could watch every playoff game from the comfort of my non-cable having bed. now that i live here, that's changed. no more effing games on non-cable channels. it's poo. anyway, last night at the gym the pistons vs. cavs game was on. every team i give an eff about is gone. i mean, i could die at the thought of a jazz/spurs wecon finals. honestly. i'm rambling. i also NEED the cavs to win so i can see more of the man child, le bron james, in action. lookie!

he's just a baby but he is buff and great! and he doesn't choke like dewayne and dirk. he also needs to win so he can make turtle head tim duncan make the opposite of this disgusting face. VOMIT.

Surface

if you haven't yet heard about microsoft surface then check this out!! it really looks pretty amazing. i'm sure it will be incredibly affordable and that we will all have one in our homes when they come out in the winter of '07.



"With Surface, we can actually grab data with our hands, and move information between objects with natural gestures and touch.
Surface features a 30-inch tabletop display whose unique abilities allow for several people to work independently or simultaneously. All without using a mouse or a keyboard."

Confessions of a cyberstalker

In the olden days, before the Internet, people were forced to use traditional methods of getting to know someone. They would ask friends of friends, listen in on conversations, or, if they were really brave, go up and actually speak to the person they were trying to get to know.

Luckily, for those of us in the 21st century, these antiquated methods are no longer needed. Now we have the Internet, where people are more than willing to divulge personal information through multiple channels. With networking sites like Myspace, Friendster, and Facebook, getting up the courage to speak to the cute boy at the office is just not necessary.

With a simple click of a mouse, I know that Office Cute Boy is single. He’s my age. He enjoys acting silly with his niece, foreign films and spicy tuna rolls. All this I found out without even having to talk to him. It’s great, because if I were to go up ask him these things in person, he might think I was interested. He might even ask me out on a date. In which case I would probably have to leave my apartment, which would entail putting on deodorant and pants.

Okay, so I’m not really that much of an introvert. Eventually, of course, I will go up and speak to him. When this momentous day occurs, I can use my Internet-gained knowledge to my advantage. Or, if I’m not careful, this knowledge can turn around and bite me in my lazy, pantsless ass.

Example A: The wrong way to be a cyberstalker

“So how old is your niece? Oh, um, yeah I know you never mentioned that you had a niece… er, uh, I guess you’ve always struck me as sort of avuncular.”

Example B: Embarrassing cyberstalkers everywhere

“Hey, give me a high five for that delicious chocolate cheesecake at Juniors, cause I know you love high fives and Junior’s chocolate cheesecake. I mean, I assume you do. I mean, um… who doesn’t?”

Example B: Using cyberstalking to your advantage

“So the other day I was reading Fortress of Solitude on my way up to The Arcade Fire concert and totally spilled my chicken tikka masala all over my shirt and… what? No way! That’s your favorite book and your favorite band and your favorite food too?!? Crazy! You wanna make out?”

Read and learn, my friends. Read and learn.

je recommend

eighteen of the twenty arrondissements of paris are depicted in this collection of romantic and anti-romantic shorts from such acclaimed directors as gus van zant, the coen brothers, tom tykwer and gurinder chadha.

three ps: ps 1: the movie is not douchey as the preview might lead you to believe. ps 2: nick nolte should be banned from film. and ps 3: gena rowlands is my boo.

Wrap those tentacles around me, baby

We all know about my thing for Scottish guys. It started at age 18 when I stopped in Scotland for a week or two on my way through Europe. Then the obsession continued when I lived there my junior year of college. And the Scottish fetish was reconfirmed when I moved to Edinburgh for the summer after college.

Yes, I’ve always melted at the sound of a Scottish accent. However, the other night I was watching Pirates of Caribbean 2 (in preparation for the viewing of 3) and I found myself strangely attracted to Davy Jones, the tentacled, disgusting and apparently Scottish creature of the sea.

I know he’s evil, and I know he's ugly, and I know his head is an octopus, but goddamn, that accent is so hot. For those of you that forget what Davy Jones looks like, here’s a photo:



Granted, without his manly Scottish brogue, he’s not done justice. H.O.T.T. hott!

my anaconda don't want none

this weekend, over brunch, a boyfriend of a friend of a friend (BFOF) told me the most insane story i've heard in years. this story comes in waves of vom. with each wave, my jaw dropped further to the ground and my omelette rose further up.

WAVE ONE



* over six years ago, in a boston suburb, BFOF was given a two foot long baby python for christmas. call me a pussy, but this deserves the first wave of vom, because i think it is disgusting that anyone would receive, much less want, a python for christmas.

WAVE TWO



* over a relatively short period of time, the python, named E.T., grew to 18 feet in length and almost two feet in diameter. E.T. weighed over 100 pounds.

* E.T. had his own bedroom in the apartment in which BFOF and his friends lived. in his bedroom, E.T. had a kiddie pool which he filled up entirely.

* E.T. loved hair. if you had long hair, E.T. would crawl all up in it and gleefully bitchslap you with his nasty ass foot long tongue.

WAVE THREE



* BFOF fed E.T. live guinea pigs and rats and other nastiness. upon swallowing them whole and digesting them, E.T. would leave behind enormous WHITE turds. and yes, the fact that they're white makes it five hundred times grosser.

* the apartment began to take on the funk of E.T.

WAVE FOUR



* after a while, the cost of feeding E.T. became burdensome for BFOF and his roommates.... so they responded to an ad for free kittens!

* BFOF and his roommates fed E.T. one free kitten. however, they felt oh so guilty about it that they returned the remaining kittens.

WAVE FIVE (yes, wave five)



* one day, E.T. went missing. now, E.T. loved to hide in warm, dark places. ew. but BFOF was always able to find him. of course. that is, until this one occasion.

* days go by without BFOF or his roommates reporting that their 18-foot python had gone missing.

* around 2:00 in the morning, it was discovered that E.T. had gotten under the floorboards. how was this discovered, you ask?!!

* well, at 2:00 am, E.T. fell through the floorboards and landed on an elderly woman who was sleeping peacefully below!!

* the elderly woman, upon waking up to an 18-foot python falling from the sky and landing on her frail, elderly frame, called 911.

EPILOGUE



* the police arrived, but were too freaked out to go into the room with E.T.

* the police awakened BFOF who returned E.T. to the apartment. however, they were forced to donate E.T. to a zoo a couple days later.

* the elderly woman moved out of the apartment a week later.

season finales: a report card

alert! if you're not caught up on your television, look away, baby look away.

finale season for me is over. somehow this television season i found myself with more shit to watch than i knew what to do with. i've still got some outstanding episodes of entourage to soak up, but other than that, bring on september sweeps. for me, this round of shows brought some highs and lows. i've outlined below some of the shows i've been watching and exactly how their finales rated on a report card, and collectively what 2007 spring television scored as a GPA.

america's next top model: c+

this season's winner was jaslene, finally a latina took home the top prize. i was surprised tyra picked her because she's an ematiated skeletor and tyra is on her new SO WHAT rampage after being pictured in magazines looking a little more pork pie-ish than you'd imagine. jaslene has a serious accent that might impede her ability to excel in the only post-winner job she will get, starring in the "my life as a cover girl" bits they do during commercials. this show is so lame i want to punch myself. while in my hotel room last week i caught a marathon of ANTM: season 1 and WOW, that was some delicious television. i want more adriane, more christians and more fights. it's so boring! and i can't stop watching it.

dancing with the stars: a-

i've never really watched this show before but got hooked before i could stop myself. i heard joey fatone on howie stern yesterday and he said the eff word a lot, which made me like him. unfortunately, he didn't win. the combination of heather mills, steve sanders, some tiny little figure skater (or speed?) all clad in spangles and high wasted pants was too much. it was pretty great. apolo anton ono won. mainly because he was mere millimeters from boning his teen partner on the stage. it was mega teen hot. me likey.

grey's anatomy: finale/d, season/b+ = c+

overall, i thought this season was great. lots of people both boned and also died, there was minimal derrick/meredith story line (whiney brats!) and addison montgomery sheppard isn't so much a great actress, but easy on the eyes. HOWEVER, the finale was a stupid ass pile of poo. i hated it. preston burke is a dumb dumb and i totally think they wrote him off because he ran away with his lucky scrub in cap and trumpet. the way christina and meredith act like bffs is totally lame-o. all in all, it was a poo finale. i really wanted alex to french ava, george and his wife are mash, izzy is a douche.

american idol: b-

i'm still pissed that blake lewis didn't win, though i knew he wouldn't and in this picture he looks like ryan seacrest. how pissed is brian dunkelman, by the way? anyway, there was way too much charity broohahahaha on this season and though i think it's worthy, middle america is like "africa?" i fast forwarded through the entire finale and just watched the end. i can't deal with jordin sparks, mainly because she dwarfs every man on that show. it's weird.

lost: a

i've now reached a point with this show where i have a manageable list of outstanding questions that i need answered. it used to be that i was boggled beyond comprehension. they've done a good job in a few short episodes of explaining a few things but not blowing their load. people did it, someone died (we are everybody!) and there are great things to look forward to. word is we're stuck with this show til 2010, so the future looks bright. and sawyer is hottish.

overall GPA: 3.0

new york city: a celebrity redux

hello. i apologize for being so distant with you all lately. i returned about 36 hours ago from a six day new york city adventure. while i was a ragingly bad friend who only managed to squeeze in two fast dinners with uniblogger colleen, not catching a single glimpse of audrey and billy and collecting a fascinating number of moderate celebrity encounters. this is one of my favorite parts of new york. ex-models, movie stars, musicians, b-list and reality tv celebrities (walk the streets, dining, taking in shows (not the broadway kind) with the rest of us, just like us weekly says. and the best part, everyone acts normal. in los angeles it's a shit storm butt hole cluster eff anytime some tween star gets out of her land rover. in new york it's like "who are you? i don't care. i don't even see you." it's awesome. here is a list of my radical celebrity shoulder rubbings while in the big apple:

this is a stroke. not the drew barrymore one. he's short. i saw him at a secret machines show at the annex. his girlfriend? was six inches taller than him.

this is a perverted photog (as they call them in the celebrity world of e!) named terry richardson. i saw him walking down bowery whith a girl who looked exactly like albert hammond jr.'s girlfriend? i was sensing a trend. the second after we passed him, we stepped over a huge pile of what looked like spilled powdered sugar. boogar sugar? no one could tell.

i forget her name. i think it's lauren or laurel graham. she's the mom on gilmore girls. i think that show is over and now she's in that new michael from the office movie about noah's arc. tina and i saw her shopping at our favorite boot store on prince and then again at dinner at freeman's alley on tuesday night. she had a girl with her both times, i wonder if they were knocking boots. she has pretty hair, but i bet that shit is fake.

this is larenz tate. me and tina stopped our trek across lower manhattan to eat some snacks and stuff. he was in boyz in the hood and then he was having lunch in soho. weird. he's very short which is normal for celebrities, i think. what do they have against tall people other than dharma and uma? his girlfriend? was wearing a beedazzled trucker hat and had a hot rear.

after that we think we saw dave chappel in a fendi scarf. but i can't be sure.

i'm not joking when i say that i've seen more contestants from various seasons of project runway than anyone else while in new york. this is daniel v, also known as the person i have most prayed to god would turn straight than anyone else on earth. i love him. i would crush him with my height and girth, but he's adorable. his hair, clothes, sweetsweetness and i'm getting emo so i'll stop. he was at freeman's alley too. i love him.

goodbye.

Douchebag of the Week: Leslee Unruh

Yesterday on Fox News’s Your World With Neil Cavuto, Leslee Unruh, president of the National Abstinence Clearinghouse (kind of sounds like a sweepstakes), argued that a newly FDA-approved birth control pill is a “pesticide” that will make women “like men.” She called it an “attack on children and families,” spearheaded by Big-Pharma and those evil organizations Planned Parenthood and NARAL, who have had a war on children for years. This bitch is nuts and is beyond douchey as she demonstrates beautifully throughout the video. She pretty much makes the case for NARAL, given the fact that 98% of women use some form of birth control in their lifetime and that...and this is just a hunch...don't look at BC as a war against babies.

Toadbusters

Everything in Australia is poisonous. If it has legs, tentacles or eyes, chances are, it can probably kill you. I like to read about all the venomous creatures of that sun-burnt country because it makes me even prouder to have survived my recent vacation there. In two adventure-filled weeks, I did not get bitten by a spider, stung by a killer jellyfish, nor attacked by a sharp-clawed drunken koala. Nor was I killed by a dog-sized Cane toad named “Toadzilla.”

“The toad, weighing almost 2lbs, was captured yesterday by Frogwatch, an environmental group that wants to stop the spread of the poisonous species…. Cane toads have killed countless native animals, including crocodiles.”

new national album out!

the national put out their latest album, boxer, yesterday! you can check out video clips of all tracks from the album right here. it's real good stuff.
they're also playing at bimbo's on june 27th and they always put on an excellent show.

"I think we're dead."

You've probably already heard the hilarious 911 call from the Michigan police officer that thought he and his wife overdosed on pot brownies. But have you seen the Seattle newscasters cracking up and snorting over it? Videos like this make me more confident about my own unprofessionalism at work.



Hang in there, buddy. We've all been there.

WTF of the week: ottoman rape

I need a shower, an overall bleaching and to repent to the lord after watching this piece of comic treasure. Now I know what dudes do at their slumber parties. Jesus...this is way worse than naked girl pillow fights (which we totally do all the time by the way.)

two great shows this week!

unibloggal superhomies, newageynofriends and the bomarr monk, are in full effect this week with two separate shows! come out and show these sweet fellas some love.

TONIGHT:



FRIDAY:

teen beat tuesday: c'mon c'mon feel it feel it

hi. i love mark wahlberg because:

he can do devil horns on his privates, used to have huge boob muscles and was a bsg when i was in high school. also,

sometimes he's kind of rugged in that yummy construction worker way. this mark probably eats cheeseburgers from carls jr and watches football. either that or he really likes camping, but either way he has a truck. trucks appeal to a most girls in an entirerly unexplainable manner. in addition,

somehowe he looks hot with a gun. lastly,

he cleans up hella nicey and has this hot monkey-ish spit mouth when he talks. he could probably say the eff word in the middle of action and you'd like it.

No chat here

They’re three of the saddest words one’s computer can display: “Chat is disabled.”

Do they realize what this means for my social life? Do they realize I’ll now lose contact with those that I love most? Do they realize this means hours of sitting at my desk… NOT chatting??

I think I might die.

wasp love

this mother's day, i decided to share with my mom some of my favorite lines she's delivered over the years. now, in traditional wasp form, i'm sure everything was said "out of love":

YOU LOOK LIKE A REFUGEE
... in response to my buzz cut

WELL, SHE'S GOING TO DIE
... in response to me saying that a friend was suffering from an eating disorder

HELP ME PULL THIS STOVE OUT
... because she cleans behind and under stoves!

DONALD TRUMP
... what she calls me with my current coiffure

YOU LIVE IN FILTH
... in response to my apartment (which i had just cleaned in anticipation of her visit)

dance offs kill!

NEW BRITAIN, Conn. -- A man died while trying to outdo a rival with an acrobatic move while "battle dancing," police said.

Robert Stitt, 48, and his rival were competing in a parking lot Monday night when he tried a forward flip and landed on his head.

"It was just two guys dancing. Everybody was laughing," Stitt's friend John Boxley said.

Boxley said James Brown was on the radio and Stitt wanted to outdo a rival dancer, who had flipped in the air.

Police said the victim went into cardiac arrest and was pronounced dead a short time at a local hospital.

Police said several people were in the parking lot drinking and battle dancing -- a competition in which each dancer tries one-upmanship with unique moves.

Copyright © 2007, The Associated Press

Squatting Vs. Sitting

It’s a debate I’ve had with many of my girlfriends for many years. You see, I am a loyal, steadfast Sitter. Unless I’m in the dirtiest, most disgusting public bathrooms of nastiness, I will plunk my white ass right down on that toilet seat with joyful abandon.

Then there are the stubborn Squatters. Not to name names, but you know who you are and you’re ruining it for the rest of us! YOU, with your thigh-burning yoga moves. YOU, with your Brazilian-waxed wild sprays. YOU are the ones that are peeing all over the goddamned seat.

If everyone just placed their butts nicely on the seat, no one would spread any germs. It’s just skin on skin. Unless you need to rub your labia all over the porcelain because you pee like a freak, you’ll get more germs from touching the doorknob when you exit the bathroom.

However, I’m prepared to offer a compromise. For those of you ladies that just cannot bring your royal backsides to come into contact with the unworthy porcelain, maybe you can at least lift the seat up so as to keep it clean for the rest of us. Do we have a deal?

(And for those of you that read You Nork, yes, I posted this on both blogs. Why? Because I was so irritated at having to wipe up after the girl before me in the line for the bathroom at Starbucks yesterday, that I felt something had to be done.)

HAHAHAHA SUCKER!

paris the heiress
annoying as hell
less pix of her wonk eye
while in her jail cell
too much chuggin and drivin
now she's hittin the clink
don't cry you big baby
no, you may not wear pink
watch out in the showers
though you could use the soap
jail is not "hot" paris
nor is it dope

douchebag of the week: the sexiest men of reality tv calender

i mean, do you really need me to explain this one?

vag alert: how many of you still have this song memorized*

After randomly busting out in a serenade with my trainer last week (he's gay..so kind of like a vag) and IMing my friend who just now preceded to recite all of the lyrics verbatim, I can't help but wonder how many of our fair unibloggal readership can actually remember every single word of this song.

What'a fire and why does it...what's the word...buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurn?

*i know this is the lamest post ever. sorry, mostly to the male readership.

teen beat tuesday: kitchen porn

as most of you probably know, i'm pretty obsessed with the tv food network, top chef, the kqed saturday cooking shows, food in general and also the hot men who cook it. as i discussed last week, i am a big fan of some salt and pepper...outside of the kitchen. the other day, my friend who is a photographer in new york, got to work on a shoot with anthony bourdain. he mainly just travels around eating food and talking about food and most importantly smoking cigarettes. it's hot. i want to eat him. i mean with him. holy eff.

butt pirates

a few possible thoughts going through keira's head in this photo:

"i am pouty and also smelling my upper lip...hard."

"i am going to fuck tyra up with these ON yes."

"i am a pirate, that's why hair looks like straw. at least my teeth aren't made of wood."

"oh no, bitch." (while fighting off jack white who is trying to steal her mariachi band outfit.

"please put something phallic in my mouth."

"keith richards smells like poo."

i hate/love/hate again...local news

I couldn't find an embedded code for this video, but if you are bored at work like me and wishing you were frolicking in the warm summer air, the feel free to waste time with this pile of garbage that we call news. Here are some reasons why this video made vomit tickle its way up my esophagus:

1. This boy is SUPER patriotic and sings songs about America every single day. According to his mother even geniuses don't have an outgoing personality like her son.
2. He loves George Bush!
3. The newscasters are saccharine sweet assholes and use words like tickled. "Oh my gosh, he's just awesome."
4. His name is Brigham. Seriously, why don't you just call him "mormon."
5. The video is mash.
6. Its 4:24. (This has nothing to do with the video...just another reason to make me vomit.)
7. HOW?WHY?IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY...IS THIS NEWS?

chick tv to the max

so, i don't know if any of you watch grey's anatomy which usually goes between being totally great in a ER blows and i can't watch another episode of CSI type of way. also, everyone on the show is fairly hot and there's a good amount of frenching and stuff. so main girl babe, kate walsh is getting spunned off into her own new show called "private practice." last night they merged regular kind of awesome grey's anatomy with weird a weird other story from private practice. not only did they cast a non hot guy as the hot guy (who sort of looks like the blues clues guy) and taye diggs who i'm pretty sure is a sure fire way to get cancelled before you started (remember kevin hill!?! didn't think so), but they showed the grossest tv kiss ever.

anyway, last night they previewed kate walsh (addison's) trip from seattle to LA by showing the requisite beverly hills hotel signs and santa monica ferris wheel and people surfing shots. then she went to some doctor's office and blah blah freakin blah, this happened:

please fast forward to about 4:29 (almost the end, i know). you will see this weird kiss that's sort of like duck lips meets mush mouth. like tongue mania all over the place. it's weird. i hate it when women talk about eggs. it's gross.

friday daying tip: three words

don't be emo.

p.s. i am one million years old.

Once again, doing Lindsay's job for her

Google's funny.

Try Google Mapping San Francisco to Amsterdam. Here, I'll do it for you: San Fran to Amsterdam.

Be sure to check out line 29, that's really key.

(Thanks, Mightygirl)

douchebag of the week: craig tuttle

i’m sure you all know him by name alone.... but craig tuttle is the man behind those inspirational posters which have been littering and terrorizing office walls, nationwide, for years.

hostile takeover

as a warning, this post is not interesting. but who else can I tell? or trust?!



ever since i started working at my job in january, my boss (B) has organized weekly unit meetings at 3:00 pm. well, this week, the new big boss (New-B) started and was 15 minutes tardy for our weekly unit meeting. we all thought nothing of it, quickly brought New-B into the fold, and continued the meeting for another hour. when we all returned to our desks, we had the following message waiting for us, sent by New-B at 3:14 pm:

“I plan to schedule biweekly one-on-one meetings with each of you to discuss your workload, goals, issues, and anything else that you would like to discuss. The meetings will take the place of our weekly Development Unit Meeting.”

*snap!

nugget of the week: baron davis

baron davis tore it up last night--despite a persistent knee injury and pulling his hamstring in the in the middle of the first quarter--leading his team to a first round victory over the dallas mavericks (in your face mark cuban.) that was one exciting game and although his teammates represented, davis was definitely the star of the show.

he's a nugget and half and i heart his "tv on the radio" 70s beard...plus, has a pension for making some AMAZING shots. i've never really been into sports but now i'm addicted and want to see our golden state warriors go all the way! we believe! oh yes we do!



*special shout out to another pair of nuggets: danny & oswald from the amazing race. i'm in love with this dynamically gay duo and seriously want them to adopt me. they are the cutest amazing racers ever and although they were eliminated this week, they will always be winners in my heart.

american idol: a touch of wtf

this is blake lewis from american idol. he's really the only boinkable contestant unless you're interested in that chris guy who is half a arkentuxas mall dork and half a justin timberlake butt eater. anyhooo, i do like this guy. he's hottening up by the week despite the fact that his lips ran off with melinda doolittle's neck.

last night on american idol, bon jovi was the leader of the "workshop." he kind of looks like linda evans from dynasty, but still, he really has a classic body of work! who knew? he and that greatest american hero keyboard player led the contestants through the hits. blake lewis took everyone's favorite b.j. song (2nd to livin on a prayer, duh) and made it a little wiggedy wiggedy wacky. i kind of like it and i kind of think that it's the most bizarre thing ever.

please watch and weigh in with your thoughts.

oh and i am very supportive of his new brown hair. new rule: everyone is a brunette in 2007.

30 Strangest Animal Mating Habits

i would like to thank bomarr for getting me through the home stretch of this workday with this amazing list of the 30 strangest animal mating habits courtesty of neatorama.
there's nothing like exploding testicles, corkscrew penises and snake orgies to kill a lil time. enjoy!

teen beat tuesday: last of the famous international playboys

i am fully aware that morrissey would never be interested in taking off his clothes in my presence. however, i am forever in awe of how amazing he's kept himself looking over the years. he's 47 years old (eek, he's the same age as my step dad, creepy) and looks like a silver fox. a silver fox who wears pink ties and sings songs like hand in glove (go check the lyrics). i once had a similar crush on my college art theory professor. he couldn't have cared less about me, but i was obsessed with his outfits and grey hair.

morrissey wears faux suede monochromatic suits on stage. on stages such as the paramount theatre where i will be this evening pretending i'm a 15 year old boy. i've seen him live six times and still can't help but excited thinking about how awesome he is. how he sticks to his non-smith-reuniting principles. how he gave the best interview ever in the april 2006 issue of spin. i have a rather ragged copy if you're interested in borrowing it. i'm a dork.

adventures in babysitting

could ya'll start procreating so i can ruin your kids' lives already.
i stumbled upon this website yesterday and i cannot stop oogling over the baby costumes. while the food series is my favorite, there are tons of other gems in there as well (not to mention some amazing pet costumes). i'm not baby crazy by any stretch, but the thought of dressing my lil nugget up like a hot dog gets my ovaries stirring a bit!
some faves:







baby gary tj!!


and my personal fave...

baby stephanie hot dog!