Friday, September 29, 2006

friday's dating tip: stick to your own hood

in san francisco, we're kind of relegated to our own general neighborhoods based on the kind of person we are. i'm going to generalize here, but for the most part, it's just best to stick to your own kind. if you're a marina girl, don't cross van ness, as our bffs in battle axe reminded us. so here's why:

if you're from the marina and you're a dude, your salmon button up shirt will match your girlfriend's face, an awsome hue achieved from months of tanning. also, she's at the gym so much that she won't even notice that you're probably gay. why else would you vote for a republican and wear shiny dress shoes on the the weekend?

if you're from the mission, you can share very tiny tiny jeans, bike pumps, brown bags to hold your beverage, vegan cooking supplies and dull scissors for unisex hair cuts. being that economical is totally punk.

say you're from the sunset or the richmond, no one else goes there or even knows where it is, so you'll have to find someone in your neighborhood, lest you die alone and sex-free.

if you live near haight street, you're either in college or you stink really bad and don't have any money. this could be a perfect relationship because if you're the former, you probably have rich parents which could benefit the latter and if you're smelly and poor, you'll be perfect for pissing off the parents of the newly free dorm resident.

i think i've probably offended enough people for the time being and if i'm feeling inspired at a later date, i might move along to other neighborhoods, though i probably won't. (i apologize for the lack of humor here, the winter weather in september has me grumpified to the max...AND APPARENTLY ENTIRELY INCAPABLE OF SPOTTING TYPOS, sorry.)


stephanie said...

i'm curious as to how this theory is applied to trans-bay relations?

New Agey No Friends said...

this post kicks major asses.

please respond to steph's inquiry.

erin is gross said...

wow. putting ole e-bro on the spot, are we?

trans-bay relations bring about problems of a different sort. it's not a matter of matching lifestyles or skin to fabric shades. one must become a skillful packer for school night slumber parties, while learning to be flexible and knowledgeable in various mass transit options.


Audrey said...

What about Nopa? Does that mean you disregard the proper use of capitalization?