that's right. a new big dumb ugly mall has opened in san francisco. westfield centre, here i come. thank you for building 93929 new stores for me to spend the money that i don't have. what was i going to do without you? i mean, the other mall that was already there, as well as the 568 other stores that are just across the street from you were REALLY getting me down.
this morning on my bus ride to work there were eleven NEWS trucks outside anxious to share the wonderful word of this new mall with the world. it encouraged me to visit the mall's website where i was urged as both a foodie and a fasionista to GET READY. then i started looking through the list of stores, both old and new, in order to prepare myself for the new additions to my belly and wardrobe. i found that i now have the exquisite ability to shop and eat at the following establishments:
hot topic! holy crap. what have i done without this in my life? when i was 19 and would visit my dad in spokane, washington, i'd spend hours in this store waiting to laugh REALLY loudly (only quietly and to myself, as to avoid being trench coat mafia'ed) at the patrons of this store. san francisco punkgothemoteens now have something to complete their lives.
panda express! now, i don't think i've eaten at panda express since i was 18 and ate the orange chicken at the UCSB U-Cen between my anthro 2 class and film studies 26. however, i'm sure any foodie would agree that san francisco MUST have more panda express.
tommy bahamas! wow. dad's in laguna beach will be so thrilled that when they come to visit LC and stephen that they'll also be able to stock up on hideous shirts that make them look like waiters at weird resorts lining beaches worldwide. (sorry if my pop culture references are out of date, i haven't watched mtv since those two actually were going to college here.)
wetzel's pretzels! oh goodie. now i don't have to go all the way to the oakland airport for one of these delicious treats.
another h&m! yay. another place for every female from the age of 12 to 35 years old to shop so they can look EXACTLY the same while sporting what i like to refer to as "sweatshop chic." (not that i don't shop there myself, i just wish it would have kept itself safely in new york where i left it.)
and for all of you san franciscans who like to get tres romantical, there's an illuminations, your one stop shop for all of your fragrant and dried flower filled candle needs.
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4 comments:
There was already a Panda Express at that mall. How do I know this? Because I lived and breathed (and occasionally ate) Panda Express for two years while I wrote ALL of their advertising. "Panda Chefs Go Garlic" that was me. "Kung Fu Kick" that was me too. "Orange-Flavored Obsession." All me. I know, you're all like, totally impressed right now.
rad. did not know about this.
steak escape should be really cool.
audrey failed to mention the best panda ad she made up that, for some reason, never got used.
"Get Porked!"
they really slept on that one.
wet seal is where i bought a pair of jean shorts in 7th grade that had a rufflely piece of fabric that poofed out from the too short denim leg part. i had a t shirt that matched the ruffle.
not so much hoochie as NKOTB-tastic.
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