holy hippopotamus

this one is a serious smiler!

mo' better blues

what happened to this insanely cute little nugget butt, mo rocca? i was watching a dvr'ed episode of the iron chef america this morning at 6:12 a.m. and he was a judge. i miss him. where did he go? can anyone tell me? will he come back during the next presidential election?

the gallery of dong

thursday afternoons are usually that point in the week where gchat conversations get even more ridiculous than usual as our brains slowly spiral into end-of-the-week uselessness. to illustrate my point, i give you: the gallery of dong. lindsay and i compiled these illustrations during an entire afternoon of extremely, um, hard working. please add any of your own creations! and yes... we are 12.

THE GALLERY OF DONG

<===8
Lefty dong

8===>
Righty dong

8+++>
Vertabrae dong

8###>
Hairy dong

8))))>
Uncircumcised dong

8===>** * *
Spluge dong

When dongs attack…

8===> <===8
Swordfight

8==> <======8
unfair swordfight

8===> :) <===8
double dong action

:O <===8
open wide

8=/ /==>
Bobbitt dong

hair faces.

stephanie and her professorial beard.

lindsay with a hybrid abe lincoln beard.

erin with a trash stache. (so gross, for real)

Go back to making cookies and building toys

How do things like my headphones and my necklaces managed to get so tangled up with each other by doing nothing but sitting in my bag??

There’s only one logical explanation: the Tangle Elves.

Goddamn those little guys.

beards and crap.

if you like dudes with beards along with rap tunes, please watch this amazing video. it is a kanye west video featuring songster will oldham and comedier zach galifianakis. i don't know much, but i know i think this is way better than the original video for this song that sounds like every other kanye song ever invented. you can look at that one you utoob.

p.s. stephanie, i sent this to matt before he saw it. crazy, huh!?

Ottoman-rape gets political

Through my half-asleep fog on my couch last night, I thought I saw The Daily Show do a hilarious take off on the famous Youtube Ottoman-rape. Unsure that it had actually occurred, I went online today to see if I could find the video. I fond it, but I can't embed it on the blog, so you’ll have to go here to see it. Scroll down to the “Political Trend Setting” video and then scroll forward to minute 1:28 to see The Daily Show correspondents show us what could happen when the youth of Youtube meets the political arena of the democratic debate.

East Brother Light Station: This Weds!

tomorrow night a few of our sweet pals (quarbs/mott/frankie) are playing a show at the uptown in oakland! definitely check it out!

Words of comfort

Immediately following the pipe explosion and steam blast that rocked midtown last Wednesday, many New Yorkers were concerned it was terrorism. But Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg comforted us all, explaining: “There is no reason to believe this is anything other than a failure of our infrastructure.”

This is supposed to make us feel better? Nope, no terrorists, but the foundation on which this city has stood for the past hundreds of years is now failing. Not just failing, but exploding, apparently.

Frankly, I’m amazed that this city functions at all. With pipes and tunnels dating back to the 1800’s being used by millions and millions of people daily, I’m surprised we don’t have crazy explosions every day. I’m surprised the traffic lights continue to change from red to green.

Every time I turn on my faucet, I rejoice in the minor miracle that water comes out.

shape shifter

fergie makes my skin hurt. and also my brain. i kind of don't understand how her brain must feel on the inside. being a girl who likes clothes and haircuts, i've gone through my fair share of phases. like in 10th grade when i wore a grey bodysuit with huge jeans and weird man construction boots (i don't know what that phase was called), or in 11th grade when i only wore my boyfriend's or dad's clothes, or 12th grade when i only shopped at savers, the best store ever invented (r.i.p.). but fergie is like that times a million. first she was a chick chick on kids incorporated (i loved her, totally wanted to be her).



then she was a ho bag with big fake tits in that magical singing sensation, wild orchid. the sisters with voices gone porno, if you will.

and then a few years later she's back but with brown skin, an eyebrow ring and some shitty fashion gear. and she's a rapper sort of. or something. i wonder if the other black eyed peas will burn in "cred" hell. i wonder. so i got cable, ya know? and this morning i was watching vh1 and i see peter petrelli (yum) with tattoos in bed with this chihuahua. wuff wuff, fergs. she's so gross. and why is she dressed like a rodeo clown hobo but tighter? it's wierd.

don't you think she must be confused? i would be. oh and that song fucking sucks. but this RULES. i can't stop watching.

Michael E. Northrup

it's thursday afternoon. perfect time for some procrastination. check out michael northrup's odd and beautiful photographs to kill some time.

Panic in Manhattan

Living in New York can be scary, especially when pipes explode next to your building.







Was anyone else part of the mayhem in midtown yesterday?

(Pictures from the NY Times)

Somebody please remove these cutleries from my knees

I have to agree with Laurin about the Flight of the Conchords. It’s the funniest show to ever come out of New Zealand (also the only, but don’t worry about that). It makes me all the more happy that Time Warner fucked up our cable for the last few months so now, after Cate gave them a good talking to, we get free HBO. Including… HBO on Demand. Which is pretty much the best thing ever in the entire world ever. Ever.

But, for those of you that don’t have HBO (because possibly you have something more exciting to do with your life than watch cable), you can enjoy many of the highlights online. Like this song…

Think about it.

three word review: evening

bourgeois summer's eve.

i'm not going to lie, the hilary duff edition

1. i think hilary duff is sort of (sorry about the use of this word) sexy.
2. somehow that is highlighted by the video below. it's not the princess jasmine outfit, it's not the belly dancing, i think it's the way she makes the camera talk to the hand.
3. i thought, in some strange inverted universe sort of way, that she slightly dedouched the madden.
4. i can't stop watching this video.
5. i sort of love this song.
6. i need someone to come punch me in the face.
EDIT: somehow, dick clark productions removed all videos of her on that awesome show, so you think you can dance. i mean, the actual music video is actually more entertaining because the dude is hot and her face decorations are more elaborate.

do any of my good friends notice her mini/baby hoodie? do you now see how ahead of trends i am? face!

How to make friends in Queens

It can be hard to meet people in this big city of ours. Even at the sandy, neon-palm treed oasis of Water Taxi Beach.



But Saturday night I learned a new trick to making lots of friends – all it takes is a cowboy hat, a good pal and a hula-hoop. observe:



(The background comments are the best part, especially those made by the Videographer, a one Mr. Shankman)

also this weds!

Telephone Jim Jesus, Somehow at Sea and Newageynofriends live in SF on wednesday @ Madrone. Newagey and our pal Quarterbar play the jams in between sets, too.

bomarr @ laszlo this weds!

Just don't ink prematurely

Granted, I’ve been a little obsessed with creatures of deep recently since I’ve been viewing the BBC’s Blue Planet series on Netflix, but when my roommates told me about the giant squid that washed up in Tasmania this week, I had to check it out.

Fabulous though the pictures are and the fact that it this find will contribute so much to scientific study, etc. etc., my favorite part of the story is: “Scientists suspect that the wounds were the result of a raucous sexual encounter.”

I’d like to introduce a new phrase into our lexicon: squid style. As in, “Dude, I’m so sore today, we did it crazy squid style last night.”

Just be careful when attempting squid style though, you don’t wanna end up like this guy:



Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Mmm mmm mmm – Calamari for everyone!

oh yeah, and this:

today is the greatest day because i will go to zeitgeist

anyone who knew me when i was 17-20 had to look at billy corgan's arguably funky looking face plastered all over my walls. if they were unfortunate enough to know me during those years, they probably had to endure a lot of fan dorky conversations about the smashing pumpkins. for those who know me now, i have pretty much not changed at all and they too have to pretend like i'm their little sister at the mall and not a 30 year old with a job. anyway, all of this aside, if you've looked at the internet over the past several months, you know that "the smashing pumpkins" are back together. i'm not quite buying this, as i don't see no d'arcy and i don't see no james, but whatever. i actually find their new single to be quite awesome, they've picked a great artist to design the cover artwork and the record shares a name with my favorite bar, where i will be sitting within the hour.

i was just looking at the interwebs and found this:

i remember staying up "late" to watch this when i was in high school. i remember enjoying every minute of billy's snaggly teeth. back then i was 17. now i'm 30 and now he's 40:

Spoon me

Last night I waiting in the pouring rain among hundreds of die-hard fans for Spoon to play at Rockefeller Park. I’m not such a die-hard fan, I just don’t mind the rain so much. But it was definitely worth the wait, they put on an awesome show.

Hooray for New York summers and all the free concerts! My plan is to see as many as possible.

Here's the movie I took last night. The shot's not the best, but you can hear how great they sounded, even through the blanket-like humidity and intermittent rain.

nugget of the week: pat kiernan

The second season of VH1's World Series of Pop Culture started this week and with it my renewed love for tv personality and deadpan host, Pat Kiernan. I love this guy. His smile and dry sense of humor has me coming back for more. Well, that and the actually competition. Who's down to try out for Season Three? I need to meet this little nugget in person!

twins

playing the celeb twin game is a favorite hobby of mine. so many laughs to be had. so many laughs when the weird doppelganger is not you. and your celeb twin is not an ugly man. well, a couple of days ago my manpal found a real winner of a celeb twin for yours truly. i tried to deny it at first, but it's just too fucking true and funny. that's right. i am a young tom petty.
motherfucker.

Yeah. Whatever, Audrey.

You and your big, fancy New York fireworks. I'll have you know that all of you east coasters missed out BIG time this year. These are what I felt to be the highlights from last wednesday's show, as seen from a rooftop in the glorious Tenderloin. You might wanna put some shades on, guys.




4th of July from stephstill and Vimeo.

air douche

a few weeks ago me and some pals went to bfd, a very live douchery put on by live 105. i was excited to see such acts as queens of the stoneage and interpol. it was a shame that by the time they played my 216 ounces of bud light had worn off and also, i was being perpetually pelted by trash. it was awesome. here are two highlights.

in this video we see a man doing what i call the "air douche." he is lassoing, doing air fish (like out of a window of a car), smacking dat ass and other hand motions. all to the beat of what is actually a really good band! who knew?

and here we have matt's best friend and hopefully the father of some alternateen who was losing her frenching virginity while sum 41 was playing

and from the back:

in honor of america week

I was in the gym the other day and what comes on the CNN classics channel...none other than the hot shit 80s show American Gladiators. This moment in television glory holds a dear place in my heart. The show was amazing--horrible and embarrassing, yes--but you couldn't help but love it for all its douchey glory. Nothing says American prowess more than a bunch of roided up body builders with names like Malibu, Vulcan, Wolf, Blaze competing in ridiculous costumes and fighting in hilarious battles of tug-o-war, powerball and whiplash. I'm totaling putting together a petition to bring this show back!

The above video is the Season One intro clip. It is painful. Honestly I think it was produced by mentally challenged 5 year olds. I mean the audio doesn't even match the visual for eff's sake. I don't think you could find a better example of why this show was simultaneous horrible and brilliant than this.

m.s.b.

on tuesday evening, we ended up driving through the marina. given that it was the night before the fourth of july it was essentially a friday, so the douche crew was out in full effect. this was especially true outside a mysterious establishment called M.S.B. we immediately understood that it was the Marina Sushi Bar, however, what if we were not so smart and intuitive? what if we were left to fill in the initialized blanks on our own? well, we decided to do just that and came up with the following list of possible names for the tentatively monikered M.S.B.

My Shitty Boyfriend
Mystery Syphilis Bumps

Massive Sutures Bleeding
Moist Sweaty Balls

Mangled Soiled Bologna

Mangina Smeared (with) Banana

Mongolian Sucky BBQ

Mucho Sucky Bitchface

My Sore Bagina

Monkies Stumpy Butthole

Man Soaked Baguette

anyone have anything else to add?

Happy 4th of July Hangover Day

If there's any of you out there that managed to NOT see fireworks last night, here's a quick recap. These are what I felt to be the highlights from last night's show, as seen from a rooftop in the East Village. I edited music over it so you can't hear all our beer-induced dorky comments like "dude - who invented that Saturn one?" (The Saturn fireworks are pretty damn cool though).

“How rude.”

It’s hard enough to watch your little childhood heroes grow up and get breasts. It’s even harder when they grow up to get fake boobs.



Oh Stephanie Tanner, what happened to that little girl I once loved? I know, I know, it can be annoying when your TV little sister(s), Michelle(s), are anorexic and getting all the attention. Between you and the misguided Oslen twins, “Full House” has become a regular little slut factory.

I blame Uncle Jesse.