Wednesday, October 31, 2007

friday dating tip: bedding fine honeys

in order to really ensure that once you've landed a date, you're able to keep said date where you want them (in your bed), it's very important that you refine your nest so that it includes some aspects of undeniable comfort. here you see the five (yes, there are five of us now. hi, jules!) ladies of unibloggal in what appears to be a tableau of sleeping fantasy. this is a very important aspect of dating. for the most part, you boys out there need to listen up. here are a few ways in which you can technically improve the quality of your bed. if you follow these tips, the girls are more likely to not insist that you stay at their house where the bed is always cozy and clean.

step one: a good foundation. it doesn't always matter whether or not you've had your mattress since the fifth grade. it's just important that you actually have a mattress. that means no futons, rolled up sleeping bags placed upon some plywood (actually, i've slept on this configuration before, not as bad as you may think, but surely not ideal), no princess and the pea style piles of weird grandma bean bags. you get the picture. a mattress. here it's also important to consider your personal environs. tailor the frame or lack of a frame to your living situation. if you have roommates, consider the transportation of sound. nuff said? oh and size, in this case, it does matter. if you still have the extra long twin mattress that you stole from the dorm, you're fired. no girl wants to be reminded of horrific dorm sex.

step two: padding. i highly recommend some kind of pillow top and or egg crate. to avoid smothering your bed sharer, steer clear of those big puffy down mattresses that go upon your normal mattress. it's too much. a simple cozy layer between the mattress and the sheet is great.

step three: sheets. assuming everyone reading this is out of 5th grade, let's not have threadbare star wars sheets, shall we? these days, retailers such as target and ikea make it simple to have a cozy and up-to-date bed without breaking the bank. i swear. and it's always better if your sheets have seen a washing machine sometime since the clinton administration. i love the word administration.

step four: warmth. i have one word: DUVET. if you boys wonder why girls blankies are always more comfy than yours, it's because when we were in about junior high, our moms discovered the finer points of room decoration. when we're young, we constantly want to redecorate. it's madness. mothers everywhere soon realized that it's much cheaper just to by a new duvet and call it a day. duvets make an ordinary comforter somehow heavier and more heavenly. a must have.

step five: pillows. this step is slightly negotiable, however, it is important to have a separate pillow on which your significant other is able to rest her head, independently of yours. it's preferable that said pillow not have drool stains, food or any other particles of filth anywhere near it.

i think that about wraps it up. the lesson here is, treat your bed as you'd like to be treated. i take that back, boys can sleep anywhere. take pride in your nest and in return, the object(s) of your desire will be more likely to stick around. if you have a messy sleeping area, we'll assume you want us to go home, which might be the case. if so, well played. we didn't want to sleep with you either!! happy friday and happy "sleeping."


New Agey No Friends said...

What if you're actually into being reminded of horrific dorm sex?

laurin said...

i love beds, especially comfy ones with 5 sexy bloggers in it.

SAN said...


sahil said...

nice blog

sahil11 said...

u hv done a great job

Jules said...

I think eye masks are also important (see photo). Not only do they actually aid sleeping, but they can help prevent that morning moment o' cinge (your vision is obscurred) or be used to muffle the deep snores of your bed mate.