One more Japan WTF

I'm back from Japan. Thank god. But here's a dandy little video to remind us all of how fucking weird that country is. It's a little something to help you learn helpful English phrases while burning those calories. And a reminder for the Japanese that America can be a very scary place.

krystle vs. alexis: redux

last night, a homo dream came true. dynasty was reincarnated in the form of the new cw teen drama, gossip girl, following america's next top model.



it centers on, check this out, serena van der woodsen (hahahahaha) who is essentially krystle carrington. she's young, beautiful and vulnerable as she re-enters the vicious world of privileged upper east side pubescents from which she mysteriously fled one year prior (to birth a bastard child, perhaps?). anyway, she has a troubled past, sure, but listen up.... she's giving, caring, and altruistic. how do we know? duh! she's blonde, and she remembers peoples' names.



enter serena van der woodsen's (hahahahaha) best friend, blair waldorf, who is essentially alexis colby carrington. there is a softer side to sears. blair has a bitch fashion designer mother who tells her that she'll never be as beautiful or as thin as she is right now. she was also hurt by serena's prompt departure. however, we know that she is straight-up evil. how? she's brunette, and she makes mean faces. a lot.

this show is trash. and it's pretty insulting to women, having them battle over men, trust funds and legacies. not to mention the fact that there were already two sexual assaults. but this shit is hot! and if dynasty is any indication, serena van der woodsen and blair waldorf are going to catfight in fountains, cause miscarriages, and call each other a bitch. repeatedly.

i'll miss the dynasty shoulder pads though.

Random Japan

Yes, I'm still here in this weird-ass country.

I'm actually starting to like it, it's a fascinating place - just so effing random. Here's a prime example. This is a photo of the top of the garbage bin in a public bathroom.



It's an egg. On a park bench. Reading a book about eggs, apparently. And the headline: "He was studying to be a great biochemist."

Can someone please explain to me what this means and why it's in the bathroom??

bel biv devoe. ha-ha ha-ha. now you know.

today i decided to google bel biv devoe. i was thinking about those 3 fine gentlemen i loved so much back in the early 90's and i just wanted to check in and see if they were up to anything these days. the following snippet from wikipedia should bring tears of both sadness and laughter to your eyes:

"Ronnie DeVoe is now a real estate agent in the Atlanta, Georgia area but still remains with New Edition. He is very passionate about nutrition, especially healthy eating, and is currently collaborating with the group Viking Pimps on their up-coming album."

Yaaaargh

Happy talk like a pirate day.

friday dating tip: remember me?

hi you guys. one former staple of this blog was the friday dating tip. i haven't been single for some time and other than movie nights and things like dinner at a restaurant, have done almost no (or literally no) "dating" for long enough to make me forget how to actually do it. however, several of my single friends are in the midst of trying to be single in san francisco. though it was named the best city in america in which to be single, i feel that many would disagree. i believe it's relatively easy to get drunk and french people or wink at people on the bus or whatever, but that could pretty much happen anywhere and doesn't really mean that you're doing any dating. you could do both of those things and still be single.

if you are single and are trying to be a dater, a few things come into play. one of them is internet stalking. it's a key part of trying to get to know someone better, whether they're someone you've yet to meet or someone you've met and just want to explore further without actually talking to them. with sites like google (have you heard of it?) and myspace (the most 12 yr old thing ever invented that's mainly utilized for adult hooking up aka networking), it's relatively easy to find out what people are like. are they single? do they like mariah carey? do their friends like to wish them happy st. patrick's day with a flashy leprechaun graphic? all important things to know about someone. if you've never met the person you want to date, it's also a good way to find out if you happen to know anyone in common who could introduce you and help the frenching/dating get underway.

the only problem about internet stalking is that it might make you nuts. like if you really like someone and you're digging around on their myspace page or on the interwebs, you might come across something that could be misconstrued. like this one time, i thought this boy i reeeally liked had a child and was a killer. i was sort of disheartened for while. but then i got to know that person better and realized i was very wrong, so sometimes the in person stalking is better, ya know?

More Japanese T-shirts

Back by popular demand, more Japanese T-shirts. These don't have quite the same impact of "Violation Hamburger." But they're fun in their own way.

Which smiled? Every smiled.



Worried about going deaf? Stop worrying.



I find this one strangely morbid.

thirsty tape worms?

i was just gchattering with a pal who sometimes lets me see him with no pants on. if you know what i mean. anyhoo, he was telling me that he's consumed much water today, as well as a cup of tea or two. despite being rather liquidy today, he has yet to pee since this morning. i am no web MD, so i was not sure how to diagnose this. my only contribution was that perhaps he might have a tape worm which only drinks water. does this exist?

best thing on earth

You know you're one of my top bros, bro, because you got my back. And I got yours. You're my bro. But you went above and beyond the other night, bromaldehyde. You really did. Saving me that seat at the Velvet Revolver show, even though all those other bros were trying to get up front, bro? So clutch.

You are truly a god among bros.

Just when I think you're as solid as a bro can get, you raise the very definition of brodom to new heights. You're like a brogle, soaring to the farthest reaches of the atbrosphere. Seriously. If it weren't for you and your extreme brobility to hook a bro up when it is most croosh, I'd have been stuck in some bitch-ass seat, cramped all in the corner with a bunch of bitch-asses, bro. But you stepped up. You brovercame all obstacles to help a bro out. This is the kind of shit that makes bros for life.

read more.

lil' bomarr

you guys have got to listen to our pal bomarr's super dope remix of lil' mama's lipgloss.
check it out!

i know what i'm getting julie for hanukkah

link
thanks gary tj!

Violation hamburger

Best thing about traveling through Japan so far: the English language T-shirts. It's a style I like to call "fit in as many cool American words whether or not they make sense." Least favorite thing, so effing expensive.

Here's a prime example:




In case you can't read that jumble it says: "Violation hamburger rhyme island hamburger it will make you crazy and being insanity." I was going to buy this shirt, but it was forty-eight dollars.

"big" smile's

just want to share these two blogs that have put a big smile on my face this afternoon. first we have the "blog" of "unnecessary" quotation marks


that sweet blog then lead me to Apostrophe Abuse which is full of great nerdy fun, too!