No chat here

They’re three of the saddest words one’s computer can display: “Chat is disabled.”

Do they realize what this means for my social life? Do they realize I’ll now lose contact with those that I love most? Do they realize this means hours of sitting at my desk… NOT chatting??

I think I might die.

wasp love

this mother's day, i decided to share with my mom some of my favorite lines she's delivered over the years. now, in traditional wasp form, i'm sure everything was said "out of love":

YOU LOOK LIKE A REFUGEE
... in response to my buzz cut

WELL, SHE'S GOING TO DIE
... in response to me saying that a friend was suffering from an eating disorder

HELP ME PULL THIS STOVE OUT
... because she cleans behind and under stoves!

DONALD TRUMP
... what she calls me with my current coiffure

YOU LIVE IN FILTH
... in response to my apartment (which i had just cleaned in anticipation of her visit)

dance offs kill!

NEW BRITAIN, Conn. -- A man died while trying to outdo a rival with an acrobatic move while "battle dancing," police said.

Robert Stitt, 48, and his rival were competing in a parking lot Monday night when he tried a forward flip and landed on his head.

"It was just two guys dancing. Everybody was laughing," Stitt's friend John Boxley said.

Boxley said James Brown was on the radio and Stitt wanted to outdo a rival dancer, who had flipped in the air.

Police said the victim went into cardiac arrest and was pronounced dead a short time at a local hospital.

Police said several people were in the parking lot drinking and battle dancing -- a competition in which each dancer tries one-upmanship with unique moves.

Copyright © 2007, The Associated Press

Squatting Vs. Sitting

It’s a debate I’ve had with many of my girlfriends for many years. You see, I am a loyal, steadfast Sitter. Unless I’m in the dirtiest, most disgusting public bathrooms of nastiness, I will plunk my white ass right down on that toilet seat with joyful abandon.

Then there are the stubborn Squatters. Not to name names, but you know who you are and you’re ruining it for the rest of us! YOU, with your thigh-burning yoga moves. YOU, with your Brazilian-waxed wild sprays. YOU are the ones that are peeing all over the goddamned seat.

If everyone just placed their butts nicely on the seat, no one would spread any germs. It’s just skin on skin. Unless you need to rub your labia all over the porcelain because you pee like a freak, you’ll get more germs from touching the doorknob when you exit the bathroom.

However, I’m prepared to offer a compromise. For those of you ladies that just cannot bring your royal backsides to come into contact with the unworthy porcelain, maybe you can at least lift the seat up so as to keep it clean for the rest of us. Do we have a deal?

(And for those of you that read You Nork, yes, I posted this on both blogs. Why? Because I was so irritated at having to wipe up after the girl before me in the line for the bathroom at Starbucks yesterday, that I felt something had to be done.)

HAHAHAHA SUCKER!

paris the heiress
annoying as hell
less pix of her wonk eye
while in her jail cell
too much chuggin and drivin
now she's hittin the clink
don't cry you big baby
no, you may not wear pink
watch out in the showers
though you could use the soap
jail is not "hot" paris
nor is it dope

douchebag of the week: the sexiest men of reality tv calender

i mean, do you really need me to explain this one?

vag alert: how many of you still have this song memorized*

After randomly busting out in a serenade with my trainer last week (he's gay..so kind of like a vag) and IMing my friend who just now preceded to recite all of the lyrics verbatim, I can't help but wonder how many of our fair unibloggal readership can actually remember every single word of this song.

What'a fire and why does it...what's the word...buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurn?

*i know this is the lamest post ever. sorry, mostly to the male readership.

teen beat tuesday: kitchen porn

as most of you probably know, i'm pretty obsessed with the tv food network, top chef, the kqed saturday cooking shows, food in general and also the hot men who cook it. as i discussed last week, i am a big fan of some salt and pepper...outside of the kitchen. the other day, my friend who is a photographer in new york, got to work on a shoot with anthony bourdain. he mainly just travels around eating food and talking about food and most importantly smoking cigarettes. it's hot. i want to eat him. i mean with him. holy eff.

butt pirates

a few possible thoughts going through keira's head in this photo:

"i am pouty and also smelling my upper lip...hard."

"i am going to fuck tyra up with these ON yes."

"i am a pirate, that's why hair looks like straw. at least my teeth aren't made of wood."

"oh no, bitch." (while fighting off jack white who is trying to steal her mariachi band outfit.

"please put something phallic in my mouth."

"keith richards smells like poo."

i hate/love/hate again...local news

I couldn't find an embedded code for this video, but if you are bored at work like me and wishing you were frolicking in the warm summer air, the feel free to waste time with this pile of garbage that we call news. Here are some reasons why this video made vomit tickle its way up my esophagus:

1. This boy is SUPER patriotic and sings songs about America every single day. According to his mother even geniuses don't have an outgoing personality like her son.
2. He loves George Bush!
3. The newscasters are saccharine sweet assholes and use words like tickled. "Oh my gosh, he's just awesome."
4. His name is Brigham. Seriously, why don't you just call him "mormon."
5. The video is mash.
6. Its 4:24. (This has nothing to do with the video...just another reason to make me vomit.)
7. HOW?WHY?IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY...IS THIS NEWS?

chick tv to the max

so, i don't know if any of you watch grey's anatomy which usually goes between being totally great in a ER blows and i can't watch another episode of CSI type of way. also, everyone on the show is fairly hot and there's a good amount of frenching and stuff. so main girl babe, kate walsh is getting spunned off into her own new show called "private practice." last night they merged regular kind of awesome grey's anatomy with weird a weird other story from private practice. not only did they cast a non hot guy as the hot guy (who sort of looks like the blues clues guy) and taye diggs who i'm pretty sure is a sure fire way to get cancelled before you started (remember kevin hill!?! didn't think so), but they showed the grossest tv kiss ever.

anyway, last night they previewed kate walsh (addison's) trip from seattle to LA by showing the requisite beverly hills hotel signs and santa monica ferris wheel and people surfing shots. then she went to some doctor's office and blah blah freakin blah, this happened:

please fast forward to about 4:29 (almost the end, i know). you will see this weird kiss that's sort of like duck lips meets mush mouth. like tongue mania all over the place. it's weird. i hate it when women talk about eggs. it's gross.

friday daying tip: three words

don't be emo.

p.s. i am one million years old.

Once again, doing Lindsay's job for her

Google's funny.

Try Google Mapping San Francisco to Amsterdam. Here, I'll do it for you: San Fran to Amsterdam.

Be sure to check out line 29, that's really key.

(Thanks, Mightygirl)

douchebag of the week: craig tuttle

i’m sure you all know him by name alone.... but craig tuttle is the man behind those inspirational posters which have been littering and terrorizing office walls, nationwide, for years.

hostile takeover

as a warning, this post is not interesting. but who else can I tell? or trust?!



ever since i started working at my job in january, my boss (B) has organized weekly unit meetings at 3:00 pm. well, this week, the new big boss (New-B) started and was 15 minutes tardy for our weekly unit meeting. we all thought nothing of it, quickly brought New-B into the fold, and continued the meeting for another hour. when we all returned to our desks, we had the following message waiting for us, sent by New-B at 3:14 pm:

“I plan to schedule biweekly one-on-one meetings with each of you to discuss your workload, goals, issues, and anything else that you would like to discuss. The meetings will take the place of our weekly Development Unit Meeting.”

*snap!

nugget of the week: baron davis

baron davis tore it up last night--despite a persistent knee injury and pulling his hamstring in the in the middle of the first quarter--leading his team to a first round victory over the dallas mavericks (in your face mark cuban.) that was one exciting game and although his teammates represented, davis was definitely the star of the show.

he's a nugget and half and i heart his "tv on the radio" 70s beard...plus, has a pension for making some AMAZING shots. i've never really been into sports but now i'm addicted and want to see our golden state warriors go all the way! we believe! oh yes we do!



*special shout out to another pair of nuggets: danny & oswald from the amazing race. i'm in love with this dynamically gay duo and seriously want them to adopt me. they are the cutest amazing racers ever and although they were eliminated this week, they will always be winners in my heart.

american idol: a touch of wtf

this is blake lewis from american idol. he's really the only boinkable contestant unless you're interested in that chris guy who is half a arkentuxas mall dork and half a justin timberlake butt eater. anyhooo, i do like this guy. he's hottening up by the week despite the fact that his lips ran off with melinda doolittle's neck.

last night on american idol, bon jovi was the leader of the "workshop." he kind of looks like linda evans from dynasty, but still, he really has a classic body of work! who knew? he and that greatest american hero keyboard player led the contestants through the hits. blake lewis took everyone's favorite b.j. song (2nd to livin on a prayer, duh) and made it a little wiggedy wiggedy wacky. i kind of like it and i kind of think that it's the most bizarre thing ever.

please watch and weigh in with your thoughts.

oh and i am very supportive of his new brown hair. new rule: everyone is a brunette in 2007.

30 Strangest Animal Mating Habits

i would like to thank bomarr for getting me through the home stretch of this workday with this amazing list of the 30 strangest animal mating habits courtesty of neatorama.
there's nothing like exploding testicles, corkscrew penises and snake orgies to kill a lil time. enjoy!

teen beat tuesday: last of the famous international playboys

i am fully aware that morrissey would never be interested in taking off his clothes in my presence. however, i am forever in awe of how amazing he's kept himself looking over the years. he's 47 years old (eek, he's the same age as my step dad, creepy) and looks like a silver fox. a silver fox who wears pink ties and sings songs like hand in glove (go check the lyrics). i once had a similar crush on my college art theory professor. he couldn't have cared less about me, but i was obsessed with his outfits and grey hair.

morrissey wears faux suede monochromatic suits on stage. on stages such as the paramount theatre where i will be this evening pretending i'm a 15 year old boy. i've seen him live six times and still can't help but excited thinking about how awesome he is. how he sticks to his non-smith-reuniting principles. how he gave the best interview ever in the april 2006 issue of spin. i have a rather ragged copy if you're interested in borrowing it. i'm a dork.

adventures in babysitting

could ya'll start procreating so i can ruin your kids' lives already.
i stumbled upon this website yesterday and i cannot stop oogling over the baby costumes. while the food series is my favorite, there are tons of other gems in there as well (not to mention some amazing pet costumes). i'm not baby crazy by any stretch, but the thought of dressing my lil nugget up like a hot dog gets my ovaries stirring a bit!
some faves:







baby gary tj!!


and my personal fave...

baby stephanie hot dog!

Happy Birthday Johnny’s Butt

This year marks the 20th anniversary of the release of the Best Movie Ever. This movie, though it pretty much goes without saying, is Dirty Dancing. In celebration of it’s 20th birthday, I watched this brilliant film outdoors on a lovely New York night next to the Hudson River with hundreds of other fans that love it just as much, well, almost as much, as I do.

This movie has spent two decades teaching young girls that you CAN change the world. If you speak up for yourself, you CAN make a difference. And, if you work really hard, practicing your dance steps day and night, you CAN hump the hot summer camp dance instructor from the wrong side of the tracks.

This last message is the one that spoke most strongly to me as an impressionable youth. And I think it had very much to do with this scene. I don’t know if I can go as far saying that this brief, blink-and-you-miss-it shot inspired my sexual awakening. But it came pretty damn close. And before you watch this masterpiece that I just spent a better part of my morning creating, let me be the first to say: yes, I’m a dork, and yes, I really need to get a job. Enjoy…

when art and advertising intersect

Highly acclaimed director Nagi Noda is known for her whimsical eye and is the creative genius behind many fantasy laden art and video projects. Her most notable works include the short film Fitness Video and music videos for artists such as the Scissors Sisters: "She's My Man", Tiga: "Far from Home", and the brillant Yuki: "Sentimental Journey" video that inspired Noda's latest work--a commercial for Coke featuring music by Unibloggal heartthrob Jack White. For the most part I hate ads which is why I praise my DVR up and down every night, but if I have to be subjected to the art of marketing, I at least appreciate when its artful.

word

wowser \WOW-zer\ noun, chiefly Australian
: an obtrusively puritanical person

my lip gloss be cool, my lip gloss be poppin'

Ok, I realize Unibloggal is video heavy this week, but deal with it people. I have to share this video by Lil' Mama with you because incorporates a few of my favorite things:

1. lipgloss
2. clapping
3. hip-hop dancing in the halls of high school
4. cute teenage boys (come to Big Mama)

nugget of the week: george mcgovern

I love a man that stands up for what he believes--especially if those beliefs are progressive, truly democratic, values--while telling Satan (aka Dick Cheney) to shove it up his cold-hearted ass.

res ipsa loquitur

Right now he's probably slow dancing with a bleach blonde tramp
And she's probably getting frisky
Right now he's probably buying her some fruity little drink
Cause she can't shoot whiskey
Right now he's probably up behind her with a pool-stick
Showing her how to shoot a combo
And he don't know
That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up four wheel drive
Carved my name into his leather seats
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights
Slashed a hole in all four tires
Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats
Right now she's probably up singing somewhite-trash version of Shania karaoke
Right now she's probably saying "I'm drunk"
And he's a thinking that he's gonna get lucky
Right now he's probably dabbing on 3 dollars worth of that bathroom polo
And he don't know
That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up four wheel drive
Carved my name into his leather seats
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights
Slashed a hole in all four tires
Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.

support the troops y'all

I love a good song parody, especially one that pokes fun at country music and celebrates the best gift a woman can give the troops when they return home from war...her poonan. "Let's get freaky like in Abu Ghraib."

thoughts please...

can the unibloggal readership please weigh in on this newish resurrected trend of the super high waisted jeans?
if the above chicks can't pull it off i'm not certain who can. maybe mischa's just need to be a lil tighter? i dunno... the inevitable mom butt/long crotch frightens me too much. this is sure to be a trend that dudes hate, but i'm interested to see a pic of someone rockin' them right. i'm sure it can be done. bring it!

teen beat tuesday: i'm a douche

i am a complete a-hole for posting this, but i haven't posted anything in like two weeks, so here i am, a little rusty, but here indeed. this is travis mccoy from some douche crew called the gym class heroes. last week when i was on vacation, i ended up watching mtv and becoming exposed to some seriously scary stuff (see below). from what i was able to gather from the video and my 2 minutes of google searching this morning, the gym class heroes are some kind of fall out boy, myspace (they apparently have a record called "new friend request" holy shit) popularized rap slash emo punk tattoo slash hip hop slash skate board posse of nerds with this hottish guy, travis, at the front of them. the ugly singer of fall out boy who is always overshadowed by the "hot" lindsey lohan laying pete wentz is in their video. all of this babble is trying to distract you from recognizing the fact that i think this guy is totally hot. he's kind of like if travis barker (who is barfy) had a baby with pharell williams or something. i'm into it. sue me. hard.

420

i just went to post today's teen beat tuesday and found out that our 420th post was posted on friday, april 20. i just wanted to take this opportunity to recognize who chronic-y unibloggal is. unfortunately, that 420th post was deleted by the author, so here yo go, the actual 420th post.

ahh, cable news

I usually don’t watch CNN unless I’m drunk and feel like making fun of Nancy Grace. But last night, I tuned into Anderson Cooper 360 and caught a classic two-minute exchange, exposing the sensationalism, irresponsibility and hypocrisy of popular news media. I couldn’t find a clip on youtube or CNN, so you’ll have to bear with me….

I’m going to insert my blue commentary into the transcript.
____________________

COOPER: Greg, who is the "you" he's referring to? Is it just society as a whole?

GREGG MCCRARY, FORMER FBI PROFILER [McCrary is shown in one of those itty bitty pundit boxes in the corner of the television screen, all the while violent images of Cho are flashing on the screen in quick succession]: Yes, whoever he has perceived has wronged him. I would like to make a point about this, because there's a problem. And I'm concerned about the copycat factor…. My concern is by repeatedly playing these videos and showing these photos over and over again, we're energizing some other killer out there, somebody who is on the edge, who is on the verge, and sees this as a way to go. Just as this guy identified with the Columbine shooters, somebody's going to identify with this guy. And I think it's -- the responsible thing to do is to back off on showing these videos and these pictures. [Um, the images are still flashing]. You can certainly report the story and that needs to be done, but I think the danger here is that we're energizing some other killer and that we may have some other events that follow in the wake of this.

COOPER [Cooper is now in the itty bitty box, obviously uneasy because, guess what, the images are still flashing]: Well, Kris, Gregg raises an excellent point and one that we've debated a lot here. In the video he also references Dylan Klebold, as if he learned lessons from watching what happened in Columbine. [Images stop, Cooper is in full screen, *snap]. And he talks about -- Cho, talks about himself inspiring future generations of people to do similar acts.
____________________

Don't worry, 30 seconds later, Cooper thanked McCrary for being on the air and cued CNN to BEGIN VIDEOTAPE.

vadge of honor

today, laurin informed me that I have the gayest netflix queue ever. i’m sorry, but these are all spike tv classics!

Postcards from the Edge
The Secret
1 The Nazis: A Warning from History: Disc 1
2 Jane Eyre
3 Fur
4 Slavery & the Making of America: Disc 1
5 Searching for Debra Winger
6 Talk to her
8 A Passage to India
9 Murder, She Wrote: Season 1: Disc 1
10 Fat Girl

major dogpound, straight cinema props also go out to: (17) The Eyes of Tammy Faye; (18) Sophie's Choice; and (28) Legal Eagles.

Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters: The Frightening New Normalcy of Hating Your Body

Hey ya'll,
Check out this new book, Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters: The Frightening New Normalcy of Hating Your Body by Courtney E. Martin who is a dear friend of unibloggal sweet pal, newageynofriends.

"Filled with information from expert psychologists and hundreds of interviews with women with eating disorders, Courtney E. Martin's Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters is a wake-up call to women of all ages and races to recognize the epidemic of eating disorders and what it's doing to them, their daughters, friends, and relatives. Courtney Martin argues passionately that women must commit themselves to developing new attitudes about their bodies, and redirect the negative energy they spend on denying themselves contentment in order to become re-engaged with the possibilities of a better life. "

It's getting some great reviews and is certain to include some valuable reminders for us all.

"I'm the mother of two teenage girls, so Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters hit me like a hardcover punch in the gut. Courtney E. Martin sounds a clarion call for all of us—mothers, daughters, pundits—to stop counting calories and start changing the world."
—Arianna Huffington

learn more about it here!
and buy it here!

douchebag & nugget of the week: o'hare airport/united airlines & matt

DBOTW: O'hare Airport & United Airlines

After an extremely fun vacay to Chicago this past weekend several unibloggers and their friends were excited to come home and get some sleep before the monday blues hit. Most of us returned without a hitch, but fair uniblogget Erin got the runaround from United Airlines.

"i checked in, went to see if i could get an upgraded seat that i paid for but my flight that was cancelled. i had a boarding pass for the new flight, but the lady at the customer service desk said i wasn't actually booked on that flight. then some dude asked me what flight i just got on and i told him to san jose. 2 minutes before they told him it was full. we all get on and there are like 15 empty seats. it's awesome! oh and at o'hare their loudspeaker was broken at my counter so they just failed to announce that they were boarding..oh and they boarded 40 minutes earlier than they said they were going to. rad!"


NOTW: Matt

He wins the prize for renting a car, driving all the way down to San Jose last night to pick his woman up. You're the best little nugget we know!!!

Girl boner of the day

I have mad love for a man in a three piece suit and I have even more love for Mr. Adam Brody. I will no doubt be seeing his new film In the Land of Women when it opens this weekend. Yuuuuuuumy!

it's monday...i need a laugh

There is a god

This happens a few times in everyone's life. You'll hear a bit of news. A little nugget of information. And you suddenly know that your life is about to get a whole lot better.

Here's an excerpt from the Hollywood Reporter article my friend, Azalea forwarded me yesterday (the subject of the email being "It's so beautiful, I almost want to cry.")

"Reunited: The Real World" will reunite the original cast of "The Real World: Las Vegas" in their former home -- the "Real World" suite at the Palms Casino Resort -- to see what has happened in the five years since the seven cast members lived together and to document what happens when they reunite."

I have two words for those of you that don't have MTV: get it.

Blerds

I saw these guys do stand up last night at and I was literally Ling O L. Watch my favorite video by T.J. Miller: “I think women are intimidated by me because I know so much about giraffes.”

And this one, entitled “Niketown” by Kyle Kinane:



Funny guys are hot.

Room Service

“Hello, I’d like to order room service please.”
“I’m sorry Ma’am, our phone line says you’re calling from outside the hotel.”
“Yes, well, I live around the corner. But I’m in really bad need of some Eggs Benedict.”
“We only deliver room service to guests in our rooms, ma’am.”
“Do you see how hard it’s raining outside?”
“Yes, but…”
“And do you understand how hungover I am? And how cozy my bed is? And how desperately I need eggs? And a latte please.”
“Ma’am, I’m sorry. We cannot deliver outside the hotel.”
“I’ll tip real big.”
“No.”
“This is the worst service ever. I’m never staying in your hotel again… er… for the first time. Ever.”

I Love my Girlfriend SOOOO Much, I Made My Toe Nails Into a Gift! (foster city)

"Love Bug, I love you!"
this was found on craigs list and i want to puke.

wednesday dating tip: status check

i found these people online when i googled "myspace relationship status." they look like they probably brother and sister. if that's not the case, they probably met on myspace and their entire relationship can likely be tracked via their blogs, friend comments ("oh my god, you guys are the cutest couple."), photo comments ("brianne, where did brad get his shearling jacket? omg, you're hawt.") if you were in search of an easy way to decipher whether or not either of these two babes are on the market, you might go to the relationship status portion of one's general myspace profile. however, you might need to think further about this for a few reasons.

apparently, there is some debate on how long after you start boning someone you should change your relationship status to in a relationship. if you're in that awkward period where neither of you is sticking it in or getting stuck by another person, but you are trying to act cool and unattached, you might just want to go with the swinger label. this implies that you and your sometime make out partner also make out with other couples and stuff. that's so punk.

i've also heard some chatter about protocol following the demise of a relationship. is it insensitive if you just switch it to single the minute your girlfriend drives away in tears blasting "you say" by lisa loeb from the speakers of her 1989 honda accord? maybe. if you'd rather spare some feelings divorced which would imply that you're heart broken and totally off limites to all of the hos who've been trying to bang you since you got that girlfriend.

or if you are in a relationship and your girl/boyfriend doesn't have a myspace account, you can keep it on single forever, continuously trolling the internet for other people to have cyber sex with...you know who you are.

EDIT: i just realized an important omission (thanks, nanf). i'm so dumb, brianne and brad are totally married, as they're clearly so into one another that they're practically married. like to the core. if they weren't in 11th grade, they'd move in together and then she'll put her name thing "future mrs. brad awesome." this could be confusing to someone who hadn't been paying close attention to the evolving story of love she's been telling by changing her main photo every day. is she really married or just madly in retarded love?

(tomorrow i'm going on vacation, that's why you're getting your "tip" early...miss me!)

teen beat tuesday: i need a hero

most people on earth are obsessed with heroes. i have a strict rule against super hero comic book crap, but after 7 weeks of being ignored by my friends on monday nights, i decided to get into it. thankfully i have a boyfriend who knows how to work a computer because he was able to download all of the episodes for me and now i'm caught up. i am obsessed and also majorly interested in the man above. his name is Milo Ventimiglia, also known as Peter Petrelli. apparently they're hiding all of these hot nuggets on lame ass tv shows all over the place, because milo (cute name) used to be on the gilmore girls (and jason greenburg was on one tree hill). he has really hot hair in this picture. if you can pull it off, i highly recommend that every dude get hair like this. it's babe-o-thonic, in my book. and if you're not into the grubby hot longish hair, you can look at his brother, nathan petrelli who is a corrupt assy senator who is really hot in an expensive suit kind of way, see:

plus, nathan petrelli was in top gun. yeee haww, jester's dead.

this lil' nugget will throw down!

(thanks juany dingdong!)

proof that homosexuality is genetic...and adorable

His moves remind of another tiny dancer I know.

friday dating tip: dear diary

remember a few months ago when i suggested that you all take a rainy day date? well it turned out that that night wasn't at all rainy. this weekend is kind of rainy. and remember on tuesday when i exposed you the kind of weekend i (we) recently had? a weekend like that means i (you) deserve a break. and remember a bit longer ago than either of these suggestions, i asked that you just chill out with yourself?

taking a few pointers from all of these thoughts, i suggest that you just refrain from interacting with your sex of choice. or if you do so, act like teenagers. share with one another your high school diaries (i did this last night with the person (not simon) who shares my bed), it's a great insight into the TRUE person you're dating or want to date. if they let you read it, you're really catching a glimpse of how they were before adulthood beat them down with a harsh and mature stick. if you were my dude (sorry, matt), you would have learned, for example, that i used to talk to "the lord" in between describing how badly i wanted to pierce my tongue and how much i kmarted (code word for drinking in case my mom got a hold of the diary). or that i was kind of a kissing bandit. the good news is, if you share your diary and the person stays the night in your bed, you have a keeper.

the bad news is, they'll know you talked to god and that your aversion to exercise and being responsible is likely hereditary because you've always been that way.

Douchebag of the Week: Nell

This week I'm going all retro on your ass and calling douchebagdome on the movie Nell. This movie is hilarious, insulting, ridiculous, painful, crazy, and about five other adjectives I'm too lazy to type. It has made for many a comical nights between me and fellow uniblogger, Billy, as we would act out various scenes and most especially "TAY IN THE WIIIIIIIIIND." (Fast forward to 2:55 and you'll see what I mean.) This video is crazy long but worth if for some serious Nell action.

Brilliant Guerilla Marketing or Sad Comment on STD Pervasiveness?

An intrepid Unibloggal friend sends this photo taken at the BART station. He says "If this is the marketing work of a safe-sex organization, it's truly award-worthy. Condoms will be bought on the way home from work today."

t.a. meetings: my name is erin

hello.

this is my first time attending a meeting for televisionaholics anonymous. this television season my case has gone from almost non existent to fully on depressing. except for fridays, i have shows to which i am addicted on every single night/day of the week. the fact that i don't have cable makes this far more impressive because i can't tivo or expand my horizons beyond channels 2-11. how awful for me. i am going to clear the air by presenting you with my highly awful tv watching scheudle. please come forward if you share any of my issues.

sunday:

nbc - deal or no deal (I CAN'T HELP IT)

monday:

nbc - deal or no deal

abc - dancing with the stars (i flip back and forth for 2 hours)

as of april 23 - heroes

tuesday:

fox - american idol

abc - dancing with the stars results show

wednesday:

cw - top model

fox - american idol results show

abc - lost

thursday:

abc - grey's anatomy and october road

friday: jager shots

saturday:

kqed - ghetto cooking shows for like 5 hours

abc - nba on abc

if i had cable i would be addicted to: what not to wear, iron chef america, top chef and project runway. booya.

"these are a few of my favorite things"

T-shirts dedicated to Sanjaya's hair and lack of talent:


Bob Ice - WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!


The Name that Hair Metal Band game! Holla!


thanks stereogum for all of these gems.

Nugget of the week: Timbaland

Timbaland is one of the most influential producers in recent history and is the mastermind behind many-a-hits I and the "unitards" have dropped it to. This week Timbaland stepped out from behind the mixing board and released his first solo album, Shock Value. Its getting its fair share of criticism from the musical "powers that be," but I don't really care to delve too deep into the psychology of the man behind the music. I just love myself a vapid club banger, especially if it helps me forget that I'm on a elliptical machine and I want to kill myself that its only been 6 minutes and 24 seconds since I got on the damn thing. "Give It To Me" will likely be in heavy rotation on my ipod whilst sweating away. Honorable mention goes to Nelly Furtado and eternal nugget Justin Timberlake for their contributions to the song.

One caveat: Although I have mad love for Timbaland...I'm not sure I love the fact that most of the song disses another musical nugget, Prince. You can't win them all though, so I guess I'm going to look past that for now.

BLU DOT DESKTOP CLOCK

Check out this sweet desktop clock download from the blu dot website!
"Taking the form of a one-inch square on your computer desktop, the Blu Dot Desktop Clock displays a different image for every minute of the day—720 in all. A mono (hot linked) creation."

teen beat tuesday: the men of santa rosa

this past weekend a gaggle of ladies, including four unitards (our new name), went on a retreat to rest, become rejuvinated, hydrated, do some meditation and commune with nature. somewhere along the line we became distracted, filled with sausage (chicken, veggie and beef) and i ended up barfing freeway-side. stuff happens. namely, stuff happens at a HAPPENING joint in santa rosa called rita's. it is a nice place next to quiznos and safeway where you can get pork chow mein and do karaoke after hours with amputees and pregnant ladies, as well as with these fine gentlemen:

this is dog the bounty hunger. i think he had a homemade tattoo on his arm which is a straight shot from tina's tongue if you're paying attention. he was muscley and angry looking.

i think i went to high school with this guy. and back then i probably would have dated him. these days his kind is either like my dad's age or 10 years younger than me but they both have a thing for baseball hats, brewskis, bbqs and big trucks.

this is mike. his belt cell phone, light washed jeans and swively dance moves would have made me presume that he wouldn't have been so confident in his ability to entice women. i was wrong. i bet mike does well at wedding receptions.

i actually have no idea what this guy looks like, but how awesome is heather? (and that rad half column propping the stage?)

and the final shot of magic is keith shown here with summer. he looked like he was going to poo his (leather) drawers when 11 girls walked into the bar. he wasn't divorced from any of us, none of us had ever thrown a drink on him, we were new. and he was satisfied. then i borrowed his shirt.

honorable mentions (only because i was too wasted to take photos) were the hessian in the spin doctors shirt with one fake leg and the scary looking man with questionable racial politics.