am i fired?

I kind of like this song...am i fired? Probably, but whatever. I love myself a little white R&B, especially when the singer is related to Growing Pain's Alan Thicke. Hotness!

teen beat wednesday

sorry. i'm old and forgetful. that said, this week's hotface is one ira glass.
sometimes when i feel like acting smart or hearing something that will touch my cockles, i will listen to npr. ira is a staple and is probably the only person on npr without some kind of weird accent related to his/her last name and also who doesn't have a faux european accent. these are two things i can get behind. as of tomorrow, you can see half hour episdoes of this american life on showtime. yay!

here's a link to an excellent article about him and the show from today's ny times. i like it when they write about cute cameron frye look alikes so i have a reason to open the paper other than the crossword.

old.

business casual

when i'm at work, i'm all business!! think amanda woodward at d&d advertising, minus the sex on the conference room table. anyway, today, i was all business when i walked past a group of board members and my executive director. "how do you do? how do you do? the stocks?! ah, ha ha ha, i know, you just can't trust that dow! and the state of the criminal justice system today, my word. oh look, you dropped something, let me pick that up for you." RIP!! as i'm bending down to retrieve a piece of paper from the ground for a board member, the button of my pants rips off and fliiiiiiiiiiiiies across the room and my zipper comes undone.

end scene.

ps sad realization: i'm not amanda woodward. i'm alison parker!

Douchebag of the Week: bluefly tv ads

last night I was catching up on some TV and watched in horror as this ad appeared on my screen. a. its starts off in a kind of soft porn meets company HR training video sort of way which, in and of itself, is creepy. b. (and to me) the most douchey aspect of the commercial is when the couple is out to dinner, the dude gets a phone call, picks it up at the sushi bar, and the woman who's just so "understanding" tells him its ok to take the call on their first date. ummmmm hell no! c. as he's chatting in the coat closet, the woman, apparently turned on by her date's extreme level of doucheyness, decides to fuck him right then and there. (insert me: rubbing eyes, shaking head from side to side....whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?)

thank god she ordered some bluefly clothes to come to her date's house (clearly this guy was getting some of the vajayjay no matter what) so she'd have something to wear the next day. oh, bluefly. you're so handy...and so douchey i'm actually embarrassed for you. i can't only imagine the pitch meeting for this ad. i'm convinced it was conceived by these guys.

white collar work out: season finale

on saturday we will be celebrating the births of several pals. our very own stephanie (middle) will be 18 on march 27, george (left with cupcake) will be 41 on march 26 and TODAY! colin (dj no friends, see far right) is turning 14. it's so rad. i hope you all come to madrone to hear matt and colin spin, as you can see, synthups, mash hop, etc.

if your lucky there will be pink cupcakes to eat. HEY! get your mind out of the gutter.

Race to the WhiteHouse is ON

This video has been blowing up on the internet so its likely that many of you tech savvy pop culture addicts have seen this and my post is the equivalent of every stupid chainmail email or "hilarious" ebaumsworld video you got years ago that your distant relatives keep sending you now as if they just discovered the world wide web.

If you haven't seen it. Its quite interesting. No one has figured out the identity of the creator, ParkRidge47, but the Obama campaign has gone on record that, the first of what will become many attacks ads this election season, was not from their camp.

I love it when random folk can have a bigger impact on politics, campaigns and all that nonesense without having to raise a billion dollars and consult with all the best political strategists. Ah, democracy.

*Update* ParkRidge47's identity has been discovered.

eff google! i'm searcing with kfed

In an all too clever promotional push for his new album "Play With Fire" Kevin Federline has created his own search engine/sweepstakes. Iwon.com anyone? Current top winners on the Search With Kevin site include A. Anderson who's close to securing his/her very own KFed t-shirt and T. McPheeters who's almost got his/her hot little hands on their very own 8x10 Autographed photo of Mr. (soon to be ex) Spears. Man it is worth it. I'm searching with KFed from now on.

Pleeeeease!

My bday is just around the bend, peeps. Please get me this fuggin dog! He seems to be a rare breed of weiner/lion and I will love him with all of my heart.

nugget(s) of the week: a challenge

i would like to share a video that might challenge laurin's assertion below. brian greenberg and artie lang on kimmel last friday. brian is a full on fox, though he's really nervous because he's a huge artie fan. artie is a fat cuddley muffin.

nugget of the week: simon cowell

last night, anderson cooper (also a huge nugget) interviewed simon cowell for a segment on 60 minutes. cowell is one smart dude, almost single-handedly making Song/BMG one of the most successful music labels in recent history. with over 75 idol artists all over the world signed to the label cowell has ingeniously discovered, quite possible, the most lucrative artist of all time: "idol." it doesn't seem to matter who they are or where they are from, "idol" as the artist has made Sony/BMG and simon cowell very, very rich and as long as people continue believe in the "american dream" that anyone can make it, there is really no end in sight. check out the interview above. its a bit long but worth it in my opinion.

mandy whore?: part deux

during the pop princess wars, mandy moore seemingly emerged as the naive, wholesome, innocent one. well, for no real reason, i’m here to periodically prove otherwise to the unibloggal readership!

if you recall, we started this game with the ridiculously suggestive and age inappropriate lyrics to the song "saturate me," which our little lolita mandy recorded at the age of 17. let us follow this up with "love shot," which she recorded at the even riper age of 15. (my favorite bits are italicized.)

Tonight is gonna be the night

Tell ya how its gonna be

Gonna give my love to you

If you give it back to me

That's the way I planned it

That's our destiny

It only takes a minute to come and go with me

Ain't no doubt about it

I'm so into you

Tell you just what I'm gonna do

Hit you with my love shot

Tell me can ya handle this or is it too hot?

Only gonna take one kiss to show what I've got

Cuz I won't stop

With my love shot

Oh yeah

I don't care what you did before

Cuz now it's a brand new game

I'm everything you're searchin' for

And you'll never be the same

Real love is what I'm all about

Don't ya know that I play full key?

So if you wanna treat me right...

then you'll get the best for me

There's no way to fight it

There's no where to hide

No words to explain what I'm feeling deep inside

Take you on a journey

Sure to satisfy

Baby come along for the ride

I'm here for you, you're here for me

And this is how it's meant to be

You can't deny it

I'll take you up

I'll take you down

I'll show you what real love's about

Come and try it

Hit you with my love shot.

has david cross jumped the shark?

friday afternoon means checking gmail 800 times a second even though it refreshes on its own, dreaming about after work cocktails, religiously reading celebrity blogs and in between, getting some work done. while reading best week ever i came across this gem and just had to pass it along.

an upcoming episode of law and order will feature the redunkulous anna nicole smith "i'm dead and no one knows who's my babby's daddy" saga. smith will be played the illustrious kristy swanson (from buffy the vampire slayer--the movie aka awesome teen flick aka dylan mckay in a trench coat aka me likey.) the role of howard k. stern will be played by non other than a one mister david cross. this makes me WTF all over the place but lord knows i'll be tivo'ing that shit. i love me some law & order especially in the early years and i still have love for david cross but i'm not quite sure if i like the two together. poo. is it drinks time yet?

friday dating tip: disney dongs

in the spirit of posts past, this week's friday post isn't so much a specific dating tip, but a list of wtfs related to private parts, which are crucial components of dating. what's a date without some privates, ya know? some people would even assert that disneyland is a crucial part of dating, namely me when i was seventeen. back then we called the people mover the people maker and we had many maneuvers intended to get to second base on the haunted mansion.

last night while celebrating the 30 year anniversary of a certain pal's birth, a bunch of us females gathered for wine chugging and shit talking. as a result, we realized that privates and disneyland have a lot more in common that one might instantly assume. (you fellas might not want to read this part because i'm going to get candid about how girls talk when you're not around.) you see, one girl friend had sexy times with a male and she exclaimed, "let's just say it was no mister toad's wild ride!"

to that, another girlfriend rebutted, "it was more like it's a small world!"

then, we realized that disneyland has a veritable cornucopia of private part related coincidences. for example, big thunder mountain:


it draws an obvious connection to mind blowing stranger sex. like you get on a ride that looks fairly harmless, kids are present, there is a mining theme, all is well...until you take off and your shaken about and repeatedly jarred against your seat until the ride abruptly stops. for some reason you want to ride it again but the line is just too long.

then you have the matterhorn which is akin to european bobsled sex.

i don't exactly know what that is but i believe it would be with someone like thor in adventures in babysitting and maybe would happen while on a backpacking trip. there might be some unmentionable ponytail or male belly button ring involved. it would be a story you'd accidentally tell your children after too many sea breezes at a birthday party. do you know what i mean?

and lastly, we have the log jammer:

the look of abundant ecstacy on the faces of these log riders is overt. the name of the ride implies log jamming. if i have to explain this, you need to go somewhere else. but really, a log jammer? i mean, ew. but also, yay. oh, and they take your picture during the climax of this ride. need i say more? and i know that the log jammer is at six flags and the disneyland version includes reference to the song of the south and is actually called splash mountain, but i don't care.

kisses.

death by grilling

Many of you have probably heard of the passing of Boston lead singer Brad Delp. On Friday, March 9th Brad was found dead in his home from an apparent suicide. According to reports he died by lighting two grills in his sealed bathroom, thus succumbing to carbon monoxide poisoning. I've heard of some unique ways people have decided to end it but this one is particularly creative. For other strange ways folks have kicked the bucket (in a non-voluntary way) check out this article on Neatorama, 30 Strangest Deaths in History given to me by Unibloggal pal, Bomarr.

cat: 1 - reporter: 0

yo go kitty

Douchebag of the Week: rave not war

There's not really much I can say about this that isn't stating the obvious. The doucheyness of this event is so profound it like a swift punch to the nards. As my very brilliant friend admitted, "as much as we hate war, we'd rather go to iraq than to a rave." Scary, but true.

Is rave culture ever going to die? If it does, I'll know there is a god, and I'll convert to Christianity immediately and become the biggest Jesus freak this side of James Dobson. As god is my witness.

somebody please fire sanjaya's stylist

I have a mild obsession with American Idol. I love myself some healthly competition, I love seeing Paula Abdul lose it (although admittedly she's been more controlled this season), I have a crush on Simon Cowell and all cynicism aside I actually like some of the contestants.

This season has not failed to disappoint except in the realm of style and Sanjaya Malakar, or more specifically his stylist, have elevated the art of horrible, overly homo coifs to an all time high. Seriously who is behind this mess? Is it a deranged cracked out Ken Paves? I just don't understand. What's worse, the boy is getting sympathy votes instead of getting the boot like he should have received from day one.

I mean WTF?

caticures

like many females my age, i own a cat. it's this thing that happens in your early twenties where you're like, "i need a cat!" and then you get one despite the fact that your mom is like, "they're a lot of responsibility and you might have it forever." and you say, "but moooom! they're so cute." and then you get one and then like ten years later when you're old and need to sleep more but your cat is still there bugging you. and then you get older and you own nice responsible adult furniture but you have to strategically place it behind closed doors so your bastard cats don't scratch the shit out of it. but you're also kind of a fan of being nice to animals and don't like to think about ripping their fingernails out of their hands. so i've been researching some alternatives to flushing him down the toilet and/or letting him go play on a busy street. thus, softpaws.

this little fucker just makes me want to get another kitty. look at how cute he is. is he watching a cat snowboard on the internet?

look how nicely color coordinated this handsome beast is!

my dad used to have a cat named booger who looked exactly like this guy. i wonder if he's a minnesota timberwolves fan. green and purple, right?

thanks to lil cris for the idea!

teen beat tuesday: a female

this is katherine moenning. i think she's a serious piece of babe meat. see, i love netflix because i only have like 3 channels that come in even moderately clearly. sometimes movies suck butts so i rent tv shows. i've watched pretty much every tv show that i have any desire to watch. i have to admit, i was a little scared to rent the l-word because i didn't want my friends who can see my netflix list to think that i am a fan of vag. which i am, but pretty much strictly my own, thanks.

anyway, in the past few days, i've watched 12 episodes of the first season of the l-word. i was compelled to rent it because howard stern's fiance, beth ostroski, is in love with shane. shane is played by katherine moenning who is apparently straight in real life. i mean, wow. she's one of the hottest dudes on tv that i've ever seen. except she's not a dude. i love her.

she could use a massive sammy, but shits. i realize i think i love her because she kind of looks like my bonermachine:

current song obsession

Brooklyn's indie darlings Grizzly Bear may not be new to many of you but this song will be. Taken from a live set the band did on Seattle's famous KEXP, it is haunting, beautiful and at times disturbing. It was originally recorded by The Crystals and was refused radio airplay because of the controversial subject matter.

He Hit Me (It Felt Like A Kiss)